Is it normal for grandchildren to be treated completely differently? I’ve been a mum for 10 years and for a long time it really angered me but I’ve realised nothing will change and I now just feel such sadness for my kids. When my first was born my partners mum would visit every month or two, my second came along and my first started school when he was nearly one so the visits started to decline - school holidays were more popular in terms of seeing the children as my eldest was there too but would also make the odd visit to see just the baby. I’m now 3 kids deep - youngest is nearly 9 months and she’s only seen her a handful of times. Their Nan doesn’t attempt to visit the baby at all and I’ve given up going out of my way to take them to her. When DC1 was little I would take the bus (didn’t drive) into town every week without fail to meet up with her Nan and also auntie (her daughter) with 2 young children, in hindsight I made a rod for my own back as auntie would make comments about missing DC1 and wanting to know when I could take her there next yet never offered to come to us. When I learnt to drive I would take the kids over to see their Nan in the holidays. To this day I take the kids to meet up with their auntie and cousins every holiday so they can have some fun together but there’s still no give and take it’s always me expected to do the travelling. Now this is where my issue is, kids Nan lies and will tell us she never gets to see her daughters children either however this couldn’t be further from the truth and a few years ago her eldest grandchild dropped her right in it when she made a comment in front of him and he told her that wasn’t true because she goes around most days after school! There was a point when her daughter was a single mum and she’d have her kids stay over every other weekend. She’ll spend a day or two per week with her daughter and 3yo, often takes them out to various places. If kids Nan does come and see them she usually brings her daughter and kids along too so my kids don’t get quality time with her anyway. There have been various occasions where she forgets basic information about my kids, how old they are, when their birthday is, babies name etc. At the tender age of 5 years old my daughter asked me why nanny doesn’t come to see them but goes to see her cousins, that was such a sad moment! Maybe I was just incredibly lucky to grow up with the grandparents I had because we were all treated equally! My Nan always used to say “don’t do one without the other”. When I was pregnant with my 3rd and nobody knew I persuaded DC1 to accept a sleepover offer at her nans with her cousin as she’d never been before and I was thinking ahead to maybe needing the help when I went into hospital, DC1 came home and quietly tells me she never wants to go again. She said her nan was asking her questions about whether she missed her mum and she responded saying she missed her dad too. Her Nan started asking her things like “why would you miss him?” And it left her feeling uncomfortable, it’s been suggested that she stays over again, the poor little mite froze in her tracks and didn’t respond because she didn’t want to upset her nan by saying no but also doesn’t want to go. I’ve overheard her on the phone to my partner several times mentioning me when we haven’t been able to do the meet ups she’s suggested and it’s almost as though she’s trying to out me as a liar if that makes sense. She’ll say things like “I asked L (me) about x,y and z but she’s said …” almost as though she’s expecting him to say that’s not true this is the case instead… the last couple of years my kids holiday dates have been slightly out of sink with their cousins so I think she assumed I was just making it up! she’s one of these that likes to look good on Facebook so there are always pictures posted whenever she does see the kids, her daughter is a huge oversharer so I’m often spotting Nan in the background of these pictures despite the fact she never gets to see them haha! On the odd occasion there’s a phonecall or FaceTime it’s super uncomfortable because my kids haven’t got a bloody clue what to say to her and DC2 especially could talk the hind legs off a donkey. During lockdown she asked how the kids were TWICE. Once was via an awkward FaceTime and she took screenshots to post on FB. When things eased she then said she got to see her daughter and family as she was their bubble just like I had my mum as mine, not sure why this meant she couldn’t communicate with my kids over the phone but hey ho! I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve invited her to visit or come over for a birthday etc and she uses the excuse “I can’t come because I have to cook tea”. She’s works in a cafe so if we happen to go into town I always pop by with the kids to say hello, she’ll try to hug the kids goodbye and DC2 very much won’t do things like that with people he doesn’t want to (don’t blame him frankly) and on a couple of occasions he’s refused or moved away and she’ll make a comment “I don’t know why you’re being like that, you’re not usually like that!” And I’m stood there wondering what on earth she’s talking about because she doesn’t usually see them haha! My kids also draw the short straw when it comes to gifts too (not that I think gifts are the be all and end all, I’d sooner their presence than their presents! But just for comparison) mine tend to get cheap tat from places like wish and it’s not usually something they’re into either, whereas their cousins get nicer, better gifts. I’ve sat there whilst they’ve been opening things before and their Nan comes out with things like “oh they’ve only got more to open because they’re smaller gifts” etc. Sometimes they’ll get an outfit which is great but it’s hit and miss as to whether it’s the right size. My Nan passed away when DC1 was 4 and that very same evening I walked into her room to her having a fit, we were taken by ambulance to hospital and stayed overnight. Following day we were allowed home with antibiotics but had to make a trip back to hospital as DD had an allergic reaction, OH gets a phonecall from his mum and this voice blasts through the speakers of his truck as his phone was linked “I’ve just found out third hand that DC1 has been into hospital!!!” She was angry that we hadn’t text her. I was angry that my child was being treated as though she was just a piece of gossip and her initial thoughts weren’t if she was okay! There have just been so many little things over the years, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it so this was more to have a little rant! I absolutely get that their Nan has a closer relationship with her daughter but that’s got nothing to do with her sons’s children, I’ve always been the one any plans were arranged though and more contact could have been made via me! As much as her and I aren’t close I don’t think there are any issues at all. My children are my absolute everything and it hurts my Mumma heart to know they aren’t treated equally to their cousins, I think back to my childhood and I had the best relationship with my Grandparents. Their Grandad also doesn’t bother with the kids but he doesn’t try and act as though he does. Thankfully my parents are much better and they have a good relationship with my mum especially. They are also blessed with a few other family members who are very good with them! I’ve come to realise that kids won’t miss what they’ve never known and they just aren’t bothered. For context we’re an extra 15min drive away from their cousins so not the other side of the country. If you’ve made it this far through my ramblings I take my hat off to you - feels good to have got that off my chest ☺️