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Irresponsible brother in law abroad left my sister and her daughter

8 replies

flixblez · 26/03/2024 16:09

My sister got married a few years ago and gave birth to a girl. She and her husband live close by my parents.

I'm the little son. I moved abroad for a job opportunity. It makes sense for a young person to move abroad for a job opportunity to develop his career, discover the world etc.. that's the case for me. I'm also single.

My brother in law, on the other hand, turned out to be a selfish person. He is doing very well here in our country. He is a professor and has some side business that he is running. In this important phase of his daughter childhood, he decides to move abroad to Canada. It's not even about a job opportunity, he is there 'looking' for something, living with his married brother and sister ( each one in a different city ) and spending money in vain. He is jumping back and forth between different provinces, "looking" but as we know, he didn't find any job. He can't provide for a family there so my sister can't join him and as far as I know about her, she is not interested in a life abroad.

It's been a year like this. My sister is back to living with my parents who are turning old. We all love my little niece and we are taking care of her and part of us are happy that she is here at home, but we are all mad at the scum who left his daughter alone and not even for a job opportunity or a plan that is worth considering.

I'm back for some vacation and to work remotely and I do everything I can to help. My niece loves me so much that I sometimes juggle working with playing with her in the house. I buy her stuff. The poor girl loves us more than her absent father and she is not even excited by the news that he is calling on the phone or coming back in X days. I and my grandfather are playing the father job and my sister patience is limited as she screams at her every now and then but you can't blame her.

Again my problem is not that he is abroad. I would understand if it was for a clear plan for my sister to join ? Or if it's something temporary for a specific amount of months ? Or even if it's for a job ? We don't know anything.. we are kept in the dark and we are giving half baked answers from him and my sister is not exactly the type to open up. I'm not even that close to her. One thing is for sure. If he got a clear job, we would have known because why would he hide it ? All what he know is that he keeps applying and do some side jobs, like teachings... Is this a life you lead after you decided to settle and marry someone ? Is this someone I should understand or try to sympathize with, leaving my sister to come back to live with us like a widow or a divorced woman ?

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 26/03/2024 18:26

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HalebiHabibti · 26/03/2024 18:28

Hi OP. It sounds like a sad life for your sister. How does she feel and what does she want to do?

titchy · 26/03/2024 18:39

Confused So your sister's marriage has broken down. And you want to know what....?

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flixblez · 26/03/2024 18:51

HalebiHabibti · 26/03/2024 18:28

Hi OP. It sounds like a sad life for your sister. How does she feel and what does she want to do?

Hi there. Thank you for your comment. I'll say she is hanging in there. She is working and doing her best to take care of her daughter. Currently she is living with my parents again and it's exactly the best vibes, with them hating this behavior from their son in law. Also they are not really the understanding and easy going types.

When I talk to them privately, they say my sister is to blame for this situation too, as she is supposed to have a say in this. I believe they are right.

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 26/03/2024 18:53

How is he staying there? A visitor visa is only generally valid for 6 months. Unless he was sponsored for a visa by a relative, in which case it had been planned for a while and wasn’t spontaneous?

flixblez · 26/03/2024 20:54

Yes the thing wasn't planned overnight. He has his sister and brother living there and I think his brother sponsored a long term visa for him.

OP posts:
HolidayHappy123 · 26/03/2024 21:05

Why are you and your blaming your poor sister for the awful situation her husband has caused? This is all on him, not her, and unless you and your parents change your attitudes you are just as bad as he is.

I do hope that your sister can get some real support from people who actually care about her rather than blame her for her husband's behaviour.

flixblez · 26/03/2024 22:10

HolidayHappy123 · 26/03/2024 21:05

Why are you and your blaming your poor sister for the awful situation her husband has caused? This is all on him, not her, and unless you and your parents change your attitudes you are just as bad as he is.

I do hope that your sister can get some real support from people who actually care about her rather than blame her for her husband's behaviour.

We are not blaming the whole thing on her. He is the main responsible one for this whole thing we agree on that as I am indicating it in the title. My sister is still not sharing the details of his stay there and she could have at least shared her feelings about this and what's the long term plan.

Don't focus on that too much. We are doing everything we can. Screw the scum who left her and especially her daughter alone. I don't even want to interact with him anymore in the future, I'll stick to the formalities but I no longer considering befriending him.

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