Just how bad are the teenage years... honestly?

[jennywren08]

Just looking for some honest accounts of what it's like having teens, always hear people saying how tough it is but wanted to know why and whether there are any positives as well?

Lots of positives! I've been lucky with mine, although younger one is only 15 so might get worse! Older one is 19 now and has been a dream. Some friendship anxiety over the years but she has always talked to me about stuff. I'm not saying I did anything special here, just been lucky!

Obviously there are loads of horror stories but I can't think of any in my friendship group who have teens. They all seem like good kids.

Actually I've just remembered a horror story but the teen in question has many problems.

I enjoyed my DCs teenage years. They get interesting and I think if you've done the ground work re expectations of behaviour it's OK.

For me, by far the hardest part of child rearing has been the transition to adulthood 19-22 ish!

It's fine much much easier than the baby and toddler years. I've got 19, 16 and 12 yo boys and we all get on really well. They do their own thing at times and other times we are all together and have such a laugh.

I found issue the sense of loss of being needed hard. Plus having to let go and allow them to make their own mistakes.

Ups and downs. Their hormones are all over the place, and their brains are in a period of massive development. They can be amazing and great company, they can also be incredibly self centred and total drama queens!! My 15 year old seems to have permanent brain fog at the moment and seems to be in a constant state of “eh? What did you say?” and “I don’t remember you asking me to do that”.

And if I dare suggest he isn’t doing enough school work or helping in the house, my goodness the face on him! And the huffing puffing and slamming of doors! 😂

But then yesterday he helped me with the big food shop, carried the heavy bags and put stuff away.

It depends on the teenager really. Ds1 (now aged 17) has been great, so laid back and chilled, but then he was a nightmare toddler. DS2 (now aged nearly 16) has mental health problems which have been challenging. Ds3 is only 13 but he also has adhd so our biggest struggle at the moment is finding a way of letting him release some energy when most parks, soft play etc are for children who are younger.

Overall I’m enjoying the teen years. We have DS15 and DD18. They are great kids and we have very few dramas. The things I mainly get cross about are laziness, untidy bedrooms, lack of communication and just the general ‘treat this place like a hotel’ vibe 😂 But they’re never rude or unpleasant. They do get moody of course, but we have not (yet!) had any door-slamming or rudeness. The food costs are also quite high (for DS especially)!

The worry is the big thing. Once they go out and about on their own (and especially when they’ve passed their driving test!), you’re having to trust them to be sensible. It feels precarious but you just have to hope you’ve equipped them with the right skills to navigate the world.

We’ve had a few scary/worrying/unfuriating moments. One DC got caught shoplifting (first and last time they did it!), one has had an eating disorder and other mental health problems. Both have had times where their school/college attainment has been rubbish and we’ve had to try and motivate them into working harder. One got very pissed on the beach one summer and had to be collected and brought home 😬 But nothing really
outrageous and nothing we couldn’t all eventually recover from!

I adore my teens and am a better mum at this stage than I was to toddlers/pre-schoolers.

We have teens and toddler and honestly the parenting needed for each has a lot of similarities; patience, letting them have their sulks, firm boundaries and the ability to laugh things off. Plus side is that when they’re teens you get a lot of your time back.

I have a lovely relationship with my 16 yr old dd. I keep waiting for the teenage years to kick in (I was a nightmare), but so far so good. I still have the occasional mood swing from her, her bedroom is a shit tip (but she does tidy it up once a week) and she can be eye wateringly selfish and self obsessed at times, but she lovely 95% of the time, she's kind and very caring, great fun, is trying her very hardest at school, has a part time job and lots of friends. I often feel like I've hit the jackpot with her

I’ve just spent the day sat next to my 15 year old son in hospital seeing if he needed emergency surgery. We chatted played cards and joked around. The people in the surrounding cubicle all had crying wriggle little people to look after. Then when he was given the all clear I got a big boy hug and we went for lunch together. It’s just a window on that world for you but I’d say it is much easier than earlier years.

I loved the teen years with my son and daughter. They were engaging, fun, and it was incredible watching them grow into young adults. I miss those years.

I didn't see anything particularly bad or hard about them to be honest. A few questionable boyfriend/ girlfriend choices but isn't that normal !? I've always been very open with my lot , pick your battles with them and always told them that they will never get into trouble for telling the truth.

My biggest issues with my teens is getting them to come out of their rooms to interact with us especially DS but other then that I wouldn't say they are particularly bad at all, usually moodiness but then can't we all have those moments. They keep their rooms clean and tidy, they aren't rude or unpleasant to be around, they like a drink when out (18 & 20) no signs of any drug taking or smoking 🤞 I may be biased but they are just beautiful, interesting young adults inside and out.

It's great fun and also hard. As you watch them try to cut the cord and get ready to flee the nest. My DD was a dreamlike angelic child and DS1 laid back kid, DS2 hyper manic kid. I thought I'd lose my mind with DS2 until he got to 13 and suddenly became massively laid back, DS1 never changed, DD was really tough. She struggled to separate from me I think and pushed me away. Every scenario you can think of happened, extremely headstrong and independent and it was really tough, I didn't think our relationship was going to recover but then she left home at 19 and became the independent person she was trying to be. Now she's an amazing business person and employs her own workforce. Her and I have travelled all over the place together and are very alike, hence the clash. The boys are just fantastic but in different ways just very laid back. So IME girls are bloody awful!!

I was a nightmare teen and dreading it a bit, but so far mine have been and are being lovely. All my friends’ teens are lovely, too, boys and girls. Across the board there have been little issues here and there, for all the teens I know, but nothing causing anyone sleepless nights.

Everyone I know’s teens still want to be around them, go on holiday with them etc etc. I haven’t seen examples of these kids that you never see or hear of after age 15, and they won’t go on holiday with their family. I never recognise these kids from threads on here, although me and my own friends were like it as teens.

Mine definitely can go a bit high pitched and rowdy with each other, huff and puff at me here and there, but we are open and fair, and they always regulate themselves and apologise when appropriate. I’ve somehow found a nice zone where I’m getting them to do stuff without any dramas. They are taking on cooking, putting the shopping away, helping round the house, with me as a sort of conductor. They don’t take it upon themselves to do much, but as soon as I say “ok guys, can we all get this place tidied and hoovered before we relax?” Many hands make light work, and we very rarely have whining about basic manners and keeping a house in order.

On the whole really positive. We get on well as a family and have many lovely chats and fun times.

My tip would be firm from when they are tiny as to how you let them speak to you. We have always had zero tolerance on rudeness from them I am frankly horrified at how some of my friends children now teens talk to their parents. Not having that. As a result ours have never dared be rude to us.

Wish parents with younger kids would cut slack on judging teens by their outfits. Most teen parents have long ago decided clothing is not a hill to die on.

To be honest, I've been lucky with my two
Its more the worry when they start going out drinking
That they aren't going to get in a fight or take drugs
And when they can first drive as well
Their first holidays away with their mates, stuff like that, being aware of consent and safe sex
I'm open with mine, they know they can call me anytime if they feel they need to and can be honest about what they've done without fear of punishment

I have a 16 yo dd and twin 12-year-olds and I love this stage. It’s challenging at times but they are great at communication and the challenges are helping them with stuff like social media fall outs rather than challenges with them individually iyswim. Open communication really makes the difference.

I found it really enjoyable, but I only had 1 boy, I was the go to taxi to and from everything, he had lovely mates, my house was like a youth club, but I found as long as they had a supply of bread for toast, cheap multi packs of crisps, squosh on tap, and cheap pizzas in the freezer they were as good as gold.
The hours I spent sat in the passenger seat while my son learned to drive were a time I look back on now with the most happiness, his drum and base music playing, he moved out years ago, but we still have a great relationship, I still get the best hugs when I see him.

during puberty they lose 40% of their grey matter. they don’t get it back till they’re about 24.

my 13 year old is still mostly lovely but sometimes she just can’t communicate or understand instructions (she has ADHD which adds a layer of complexity to that). She is desperate to be independent but sometimes I see the toddler that just needs a snack and a cuddle and it will all be okay again. :)

Sometimes they are brilliant. Sometimes they are horrible. You are no longer the centre of their world, and nor should you be. The problems can be massive and have far reaching consequences. There are huge levels of trust involved but you have to hope you laid the ground work and let them make their own way. They’ll go through what they are going to go through.

I’m only at the beginning with my eldest being a teen but v v early days so I’ve no clue really, i worked for years as a secondary school teacher but don’t think that in anyway helps tbh as kids are v v different in school than at home generally…
Only thing I’ve noticed is all my friends with teen girls seem to find it harder than my friends with boy teenagers and yes I also generally noticed they were much harder to deal with in secondary school also. Buuut I think it’s more a 360 change with girls (obviously generally speaking) I’ve seen this so much ; girls on the whole seem way, way easier in primary and then there’s a big big change once they hit teenage years and it can be very difficult for parents to adjust to their new children !!
I’ve found my sons to be harder work when younger so never found it particularly easy tbh.. That’s only something I’ve seen around me a lot , my friends with girls seem way more stressed than my friends with boys now although I would say it was the opposite years ago!! I notice this on the boards too , 80 percent of the teenager boards are problems with girls and 80 percent of parenting kids toddlers it’s problems with boys 😂😂😂

I have had four teenagers , the youngest now 19. To be honest we haven't really had any major problems except for dd becoming anxious and depressed during A'levels which was hard but now she is at Uni we seem to be over the worst of that. Maybe we have just been lucky.

lots of positives
lots of worries
lots of money (we seem to need a mortgage just for keeping up with shoes)
but mostly they bring us immense joy amd make us proud