Bit of background: I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for some time and have been in denial about it. DH has depression and DS1 and DS2 have ASD. Our home life is a quite complicated as a result. DD is the youngest and is really struggling at the moment. I am the default parent. I also have suspected neurodivergence and have not been coping for some time if I'm honest. I am completely overwhelmed. I have become a dab hand at pretending to function, although I'm sure most people I know think I'm a mess but are too polite to say.
This isn't a self pity post, although I appreciate it sound like it.
I've begun to realise how much of a mess I've made of motherhood. I feel like I'm coming round from a bad dream to find the reality is worse.
My DD who is 10 is not behaving well.
I feel she's never had enough of my attention.
She is behind at school and is struggling. She is desperate to impress her new best friend at school who is top dog. Both of them have excluded another friend who is much quieter as a result. This is new behaviour.
I have allowed her far too much freedom on her device and haven't reined her in enough as she FaceTimes her friends for far too long.
I've noticed all of the girls are starting to giggle at rude things which is normal and I was no different at her age but because I've failed to keep her in check she's been caught searching for things like 'willys' online. Her friends parents have reported this to school. As a side note I've witnessed their children doing equally unsuitable things despite me telling them not to, but that doesn't take away from the fact that DD has done it. Ultimately I fear my daughter is being labelled as the bad child and no matter what she is the focus of their fears about our children changing. I heard one friend telling my DD that her mum said my DD was nasty because she showed the other girls her chest on camera. There's nothing to show yet but the behaviour is still concerning.
I have removed her device and put much firmer boundaries in place. She is only allowed it for an hour every few days. She seems happier as a result and so am I. I've filled the time she was spending on it by hanging out with her instead. She still has a bit of an attitude at times but it's a start. I feel this has helped but my regret and shame at letting things slide so far feels overwhelming at times.
I can see she is unhappy and this has made her be mean to her friend who has been excluded in the pursuit of DD's approval from others. It's also leading her to make poor choices and take risks. I feel the answer is to build on her self confidence by showing her that she matters to me as much as everyone else and that I love spending time with her. I'm just worried that rebuilding her confidence is going to hard when she's been labelled as a bad kid.
Has anyone else gone through this?
What helped you to bond again with your DD?
Did therapy help and if so, can anyone make any recommendations?
Did your DD get back to a better and happier place?
I'm willing to do anything to help my DD. I'm worried about her teen years will feel like for her if I don't get this under control now.