Fear of talking to others

[Oneofthosedayzz]

Any mom had such experience with your children?

Background : My daughter is 3 year old. She went to a day nursery when she was 2 year old. We sent her to a preschool when she turned 3.

English is her 3rd language, she speaks Mandarin to me, Spanish to my husband. She started talking quite late, around 2. She has always been fine, making friends and happy. She talks to us at home all the time. She knows her letters and she can count to almost 20 in three languages.

But recently she starts to be extremely shy when meeting people, and she just doesn’t talk to other people. One day, she told me, she doesn’t like talking to other people.

she almost always has a play date during the weekend. But it’s getting more and more difficult for her to maintain friendship because slowly all her little friends are talking and she doesn’t talk to them. And she’s getting more and more shy.

the teacher at school says it must be because she speaks three languages and she needs time. But I start to think it’s more than that. She is more than capable to speak, she just doesn’t want to. And she’s so shy that I felt like she is fearful of other people somehow. What should I do?? Should I wait? Will she be fine in time ? Should I take her to see a specialist?

Multilingual children will be later in talking. Don't pressure her to speak in any language: comment not question. So narrate her feelings and actions, and try to refrain from asking her directly as this may cause anxiety. Look at speech and language uk website for multilingual and quiet child advice

Selective mutism maybe? I'd seek advice from a speech therapist just to be sure.

Possible that she has Selective Mutism, which is a recognised anxiety disorder. Have a Google for SMIRA which is the Selective Mutism charity.

Selective mutism is also more common in bilingual children.

This is really helpful! I never heard of this before. The school teacher insisted that it’s normal and some children needed 6 month to start talking in school, and in the meantime, she is having a tough time. We will learn more about it and look for a specialist.

anyone went through this with your children before? Any advice and recommendations you can share?

My 3 and a half year old goes completely mute around people. We started going to a toddler group at 1.5y and she was 2.5 when she first engaged with the nursery rhymes at the end of the group.
She hides behind my legs around anyone she isn't confident with.
I by all accounts did the same and I have a pathological fear of using names. I have a memory of being about 7 and not knowing what to call my friends mum when I needed to ask her a question. Mrs X, Y as I did know her first name, or Zs mum. So I said nothing and didn't ask her. It now something I have to consciously make a decision to do.

Do you think that maybe the languages have added an extra layer of complexity as they may not know which language to use with this unknown person. Are they are aware of what language is which? So if you could introduce their language to her to something like - Jane this is John, he speaks English / you speak English with him.

I wouldn't overly fret with a 3 yo being introverted around others but I would be keeping an eye on it. My daughter is slowly getting better and warms up around strangers quicker than she used to. How is your relationship with your HV they might be able to offer some advice. If over the next few months there aren't signs that they are getting less fearful I think I would reach out for some advice.

@Oneofthosedayzz I'm currently caring for a little girl who is showing signs of being selectively mute: at home she talks at normal volume, with more words, than she uses with me. The main thing that school can do is provide pecs cards or a visual timetable so she can communicate with them, by using the pictures. Keep her key person as consistent as possible, to build that attachment and security at school. Read books such as mayas voice and the loudest roar, which normalise it. Also do talk to your child and say that it is ok for them to talk to their teacher/friends. Selective mutism is an anxiety issue, not speech, so the referral (in Suffolk anyway) is children's psychology, not speech and language

My DD has selective mutism. She's fine at home and people she knows but otherwise it's really hard for her to talk. She's always had it but it wasn't really noticeable until she went to school. Up until then we just thought she was shy.

She's a teenager now and has been diagnosed with autism. She still can't speak to people she doesn't know but is getting better. For example she can order food in a restaurant but cannot speak to anyone in a shop.

Counselling can help. So I'd suggest that you go the counselling route rather than the speech therapist route, as she can speak. It's her anxiety that's preventing it.