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If your X was an absent parent, did they ever return?

9 replies

Ali95x · 23/03/2024 09:23

Hi all,
Know every situation is different but was wondering if anyone had been in a similar experience.
Ds was born last month and is a joy. The pregnancy was not planned and his dad and I had split up a week before I found out (due to cheating on his side) but he seemed initially positive when I told him about the pregnancy. He changed very quickly to wanting me to terminate and that he wanted nothing to do with myself or ds. A few weeks later he called and claimed the woman he cheated on me with was pregnant and they were in a relationship and blocked me off everything. I saw the OW recently in the local supermarket and she didn’t have a bump at all so I think either he made it up or she is no longer pregnant.

I got on with my pregnancy myself and have not contacted him ( I did try to send an update regarding my due date/the gender during the pregnancy but as he had blocked me it wouldn’t send).

He’s aware ds has been born as I’ve noticed he has recently unblocked me on social media so will have seen photos of DS who looks strikingly like him.

My question is if any of you have dealt with an absent father/ex, did they ever return years later or show any interest in the child? I am very happy raising ds as a lone parent but of course if he did show interest in DS in the future then I would have to allow contact. Also what did you tell your children when they start asking questions about the absent parent?

Any advice appreciated :)

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Loubelle70 · 23/03/2024 09:28

No..he wasnt present. He didn't want me to have my baby.
He would come now and again...1 or 2:, times a year..but he constantly let DD down and not turn up ..usually when he had another squeeze on the go.
Dont reach out to him.. he will get in touch by other means if he's bothered. Don't let him come n go at his wish if he does..irs got to be consistent with kids.
I think though he is just inquisitive about baby but it doesnt mean he will step up.
Leave him with it

Shouldbedoing · 23/03/2024 09:29

You make sure he pays child support. That part of parenting is non negotiable. Even if you can cope financially, your child has a right to that contribution. He may flit in and out, he may blank him. Plan to be without him. He hasn't covered himself in glory so far.

Ali95x · 23/03/2024 09:40

Thanks both 🙂I hope he doesn’t come back but will have to be prepared if he does. A friend recently saw him on a dating app where he claims on his profile to have no kids. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s pretending to people he’s not the father to try and play the victim.

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StrawberryTwister · 23/03/2024 09:44

It's only been one month give it time. If he doesn't see the child I'm not surprised he's put no kids

Ali95x · 23/03/2024 09:49

@StrawberryTwister true! I guess time will tell if he gets in touch regarding DS. I’ll leave him to it.

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Daffodilsarentfluffy · 23/03/2024 09:49

We were together until dd was a year old. We split up and then he walked away. He bumped into my dm 7 years later.. She gave him photos. 😡He😡He paid cms the whole time but never asked to see dd. At 20 she found him on fb. He had another dd and she felt obliged to meet her /him.. There was no connection dd said and he made no real effort.. She binned him after 2 years and told him why! She wasn't bitter just said the meet ups were a waste of her valuable time! Totally his loss. Dd is more than fantastic never having had him around.

OldTinHat · 23/03/2024 09:50

No.

We split when eldest DC was 4, now 25. Never heard a word from him although he did pay via CMS.

StrawberryTwister · 23/03/2024 09:53

All those saying no though is not my experience yes my ex does pop back but it's once a year, we've been split for 7 years and in that time he has never had the kids overnight or taken them to school never taken them to his house. So whilst he has been in contact again he has never done any parenting. So I wouldn't hold your breath in that sense. My ex also puts up he doesn't have any kids on OLD because he doesn't see them and doesn't want to explain to women he might just be causally dating that he has kids but doesn't bother to see them.

Ali95x · 23/03/2024 15:23

Thanks all 😊
The strangest part was he kept asking me to come off the pill as he wanted a baby (I didn’t and continued to take it as we had not been together long enough at all.)
Will never understand men who don’t acknowledge their own flesh and blood but will just have to wait and see if he emerges.

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