Issues with childminder

[SugarandSpiceLatte]

Recently I have been having concerns with my childminder. One of the concerns is that she showed me two videos this week of him sitting there watching tv. There was no toys out for him to play with. She says he has turned the tv on himself at hers in the morning before preschool and that she allowed him to watch it at lunchtime and before he goes home. That sounds like an awful lot of screen time for a 4 year old.
Secondly, he has out of the blue the past week has started saying bad words such as bitch, bastard, I’m so pissed off, I hate everything. I questioned him saying the words pissed off when he informed me that the childminder said it when she’s angry…
how do I approach this without coming across of making accusations?

I appreciate this is an awkward situation, but it doesn't look good. If she's plonking your DS in front of the tv and swearing around him, I don't think she's the type of person who will change if you speak to her. Most likely take affront and possibly take it out on your son. Can you change childminder?

That's two massive red flags too many right there. I'd be finding another childminder today.

Find another childminder immediately. A little tv now and then is fine but this sounds too much. The use of swearing though is a huge huge no and sounds like she loses her temper (hopefully just with words).

I have already spoken to two childminders who won’t have a space for him until end of June. I have expressed my concerns to her and her response is “ I don’t say it at all’ then I said I hope you’re not accusing my child of lying and her response was well I’m not the one lying and there’s definitely no swearing here… I would love to take him away from there but I would have no other childcare.

You will need to give notice presumably a month? I would choose new childcare for June. Then give notice in may. In meantime can family help or take annual leave? I'd just try to reduce time ther for next 8 weeks

Are you in England? Is this person a proper registered childminder? Is she looking after other children as well?

Children do lie, or say things that aren't true anyway. Have you never had a kid trip over your foot and say "you pushed me over!" or say X did something when you know X wasn't even there. But that doesn't mean he's definitely lying here.

How long as she been looking after him if this is suddenly starting up out of the blue in the past week?

Can you up nursery hours to get him out of there sooner?

Unfortunately family cannot help as they live 4 hours away and have no annual leave left as I have booked it all in January

You can't leave him with her ever again as she knows you will now be lookiing elsewhere and will view your son as being a 'grass'.

Children can lie and they aren't always very good at keeping a linear narrative. My daughter can merge something that happened at home with something that happened at nursery and has a new story which is has some truth but also something from another story or changes the person. Once she came home from nursery saying a little boy had put cheese in her drink. Given her dairy allergy I was concerned by this. I spoke to the staff and this little boy had been messing around putting food in drinks but he is kept separate from my daughter and it wasn't cheese.

What a child doesn't do is come up with a list of sweaty phrases when they haven't heard them before. It could have been said by another child at the childminders and he has transferred those words to her because she existed in the same world that the words were said. She may or may not have said them but there's still a reasonable chance he heard them whilst being at hers or during part of the day he classes as "time with childminder" which may or may not include time at preschool.

I think either way you won't feel right whilst he is still there. I hope the next 8 weeks go quickly! There's quite a few BH in that time which may or may not reduce his days there depending on when he's in

*sweary phrases not sweaty

I had issues with a childminder when my middle son was a baby....I had to go back to work when my son was only 6 months. That was traumatic enough..
But my son wouldn't settle at all.

This childminder already looked after my older son who is 6 yrs older.

During the school holidays my older son told me that the childminder, who'd already told me that my younger son was always crying.... dumped him in a cot, shut the door and left him screaming all day.

When I confronted her, she stuttered an excuse...but didn't deny it.
Neither of them ever went back.

I still cringe at the memory and thought of my baby crying alone...change childminders asap if you can...because it's hard enough leaving them with relative strangers, without the atrocious mum guilt if you don't think they're being looked after properly.

Now you've spoken to her she may modify her behaviour, but try to get him into the other one as soon as you can