SIL keeps mentioning the colour of my DS skin...

[AlwaysWearSPF]

Some insight into this topic- I'm married and my husband is biracial. His Father is of black Caribbean descent and Mother of white European descent. Last year we welcomed our son in August a healthy beautiful baby boy. Within weeks of my son's birth rumours started circulating about the resemblance of my son and his father. It was loosely joked that he wasn't my husband's son and this was mainly to do with how "white" my son appeared. I shut down such rumours on my side of the family and made it clear that I was not engaging in such speculation or entertaining people's ignorance.

My son is very light skinned he is actually quite pale. He has light hair which looks blonde when the sun hits it and brown eyes. He looks like me a lot especially when I was a baby though he does have his father's head shape and certain characteristic traits that I and his father see. Though when you look at him his resemblance is very much from my side of the family.

My SIL keeps making comments about how white he is, it's all she ever mentions when she sees him. She'll say things like..."little white boy." Or "I just don't see you (my husband.) in him."
It's actually not uncommon for babies to have features or skin tones that may not directly mirror those of their parents.

My husband's other sister has three children all from the same father and the father my brother in law actually has the same heritage as me, I am half Italian half Irish, he is half Italian half English. My husband's nephew their son is white with ginger hair and freckles and their twin daughters are darker more mixed race looking. You would think my sister in law who keeps mentioning my son's skin tone would think well her other nephew has white skin with freckles so why is it such a problem that my son has white skin? I think it's because she knows for certain that her other nephew is her nephew because he was born from her sister where my son was born from me so there's doubts.

How do I challenge this as she hasn't out right said she doesn't believe my son isn't my husbands but you know from the comments and looks that she believes my son is not my husband's.

I actually quite like that. Next time she mentions it, just ask her what she's implying and then stay quiet. Hopefully she'll be mortified and stop mentioning it

Mixed race couples can often have this in kids so I'm perplexed why she's so shocked! It's par for the course with genetic roll of the dice.
Anyway I'd shut her down with a haughty "And?" Or as PP suggested ",what are you implying?"

Yes isn't it interesting that both the boys (so and so's and mine) seem to be favouring their European sides.

Not surprising either if their ancestry is 3/4 European.

She must be really fucking dim or really fucking spiteful or both. So ask her. "Are you being dim or spiteful? Because its very common for children to have skin tones that are different to one or both parents. Please don't mention it again"

I'm half Asian. but it couldn't fight the Celtic genes of me or my husband and both my DCs came out fair, with ginger hair and blue eyes.

She's very spiteful her and my DH have a strained relationship. He believes it's her ways of putting him down like his genes aren't strong enough. I personally believe she is just trying to create something that's not there. If I challenge her on it she will indeed make it out that I'm paranoid and that was not her intention. She comes across as very intelligent by the way she speaks and carries herself, but after getting to know her over the years it's all a front she's actually very small minded. Very arrogant with a righteous attitude, she believes that she can mention my son's skin colour without being challenged. The reason is that she can manipulate and make it out that I accused and she was only saying how this and that.

In on comment on this thread someone mentioned that maybe she's not pleased about her families genes not coming through and I'll go with that next time. I'll ask her..."Oh are you disappointed at that." "Does it bother you?"

Your son is 3/4 white so it's not a surprise he looks white. I am biracial (white and East Asian) and my daughter is 3/4 white. She doesn't have my dark hair and dark eyes. You honestly don't know which genes you'll inherit.

Tell your SIL to stop being racist. I couldn't be around racists.

My previous comment made no sense sorry I was trying it while preparing dinner.

She's very spiteful, her and my DH have a strained relationship. He believes it's her way of putting him down like his genes aren't strong enough because our son favours my side more. I personally believe she is just trying to create something that's not there out of jealousy. If I challenge her on it she will indeed make it out that I'm paranoid and that was not her intention at all to suggest anything. She comes across as very intelligent by the way she speaks and carries herself, but after getting to know her over the years it's all a front, she's actually very narrow minded.
Very arrogant with a righteous attitude, she believes that she can mention my son's skin colour without being challenged. She can manipulate others and make it out that I accused her of suggesting infidelity in our marriage.

One comment on this thread someone mentioned that maybe she's not pleased about her families genes not coming through and I'll go with that next time. I'll ask her..."Oh are you disappointed at that." "Does it bother you?"

I think the kardashian children have created this belief all biracial children resemble each other in terms of skin tone and ethnicity of features. From military experience biracial families children look different from each other and from their parents in terms of skin tones ( to me most children don’t mirror their siblings) Rarely does every child have the same skin tone. She’s rude, it’s offensive comment, and op stop it now in a very direct way while your DS is an infant. As an aside do not let nosy SIL change DS diaper. The nursery nurses often comment genitals can be a darker skin tone than facial tones ( Im not a nursery nurse so not sure)

Skin colour is discussed a lot in my husband’s family, he is biracial and he and his siblings have dark olive skin and unusual green eyes. I am white, fair skinned. Our children have the lightest skin colouring with light blue eyes compared to all the other nephew and nieces. My children look white in winter, but in the summer they only have to look at the sun and they’ve got a tan. It’s always mentioned by my inlaws that my children are light skinned, I don’t take offence to it, I’ve known them for 25 years and they seem obsessed with talking about skin and eye colour, it’s a running joke that they love talking about genetics. However in your case your SIL sounds as if she’s using it as an opportunity to be spiteful, and I’m the type of person who would have to confront her about it

My SIL keeps making comments about how white he is, it's all she ever mentions when she sees him. She'll say things like..."little white boy." Or "I just don't see you (my husband.) in him."
It's actually not uncommon for babies to have features or skin tones that may not directly mirror those of their parents

Every time she says something like this I'd ask her what do you mean? And wait for her to explain. I wouldn't rise to it, but I can understand how hard that would be. What a horrible person she is.

I would tell ur husband test he needs to tell her to stop being rude.

I would not be getting into a discussion

Ugh so bloody rude.

My DH is tanned, i am not overly pale and tan so quickly. We are dark haired, dark eyes..our LO has come out whiter then white with blonde hair and blue eyes and curly hair lol Its bizarre how genetics work.

Its really insulting to you and your DH. Tbh i would of lost my temper with her ages ago. 🙃 but i may be sensitive as i get the are you mum??? She looks nothing like you..i get quite upset 😂😂 no idea why people think thats something you say out loud.

Perhaps your SIL is jealous of your son's pale white skin? Could that be a thing?

This. Shut her up classy. Since you bring it up so much I got you this so you can educate yourself. I know you wouldn't want to sound ignorant.

And, OP, don’t put up with any “Oh, I don’t mean anything by it” bullshit either.

She knows precisely what she is doing.

If you do say something, be ready for her to suggest some sort of proof like a paternity test.

I think high school science lessons have a lot to answer to. I remember being taught that brown eyes and dark hair and skin are the dominant genes-I assumed that my children would take after (mixed race) me. However nobody told my blond haired, green eyed dd about dominant genes!

But obviously the issue here is not about skin colour, or even “teasing” about who’s the father is.

A friend of mine had a rude supermarket checkout assistant ask her if she was a nanny. Friend said no this is my ds, and she replied he can’t be he’s too pale. She has a little colour but spends lots of time outside and is always tanned. Her ds is blonde blue eyed. I wonder how people like this get through life.

I would send her a pic of Drake and his light skinned, blonde haired son and say 'Are you going to say the dna test he had done is wrong? Stop with the nonsense now it's really insulting to both me and DH'

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