To 'older parents' - what has it been like?

[Zarah786]

I had my first at 28, focused on my health and career and had my second at 33. First baby was a breeze, second was a handful, such an active baby. Now at 36 I wish I had one inbetween.

I am 36 and husband 41. We are both healthy, none drinkers, eat balanced diets although husband occasionally smokes (outdoors when he does).

I have read however, men over 40 are more likely to have children with autism especially if the mother is above 35, same with birth defects and so on - although odds are more favourable to a 'healthy' child.

I love my two children to death, I would love to give them another sibling but concerened about the above regarding our age. If you were 'older' parents along with your DH, did you have these concerns and how did things turn out?

PS - I do not mean to offend anyone, we all want to give birth the healthy babies but I know all babies are loved regardless.

I had my last one at 38 and fella 41. He is a smart funny fella and straightforward pregnacy. I had 101 worries about my age but all was fine.

I had my last at 36. It literally never occurred to me I could be considered older. Most people I know had babies that age and up to about 40/41

I had my last at 38, although dh is younger.

He was way healthier than my first (had at 34). PG and birth were easier too.

I didn't really have concerns, I felt a second was important to us and he would be loved whatever, but concerns about my age and the increased risk did stop me from trying for a third (which we would have done had we been younger).

35 and 53 here. No issues. Other than just being generally knackered 😂

But we were mindful of our ages when we got around to considering additional children.

I had my only child two months before turning 40. DH is the same age. Perfectly straightforward pregnancy, birth, and a healthy baby. We were, and are, both fit and healthy, but of course this was our first baby. You’d be in a different position with older children.

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43. Plus and minus ticks for every decade tbh.

I had ds at 45. His dad was 56. ds is fine, easy pregnancy, healthy happy child. Now 15, no issues.

But rather than asking for anecdotes, why not google the actual percentages. Yes the risk increases but the chances are still very small.

Look at the actual facts and then make a decision based on them.

A teen at 56 is no joke! Stick with what you have x

I wouldn’t consider you or your DH remotely ‘old’ to have a baby. I’d say 36 and 41 was fairly average ages.

I had my last at 38 (DH was 41) and my age was never mentioned in doctor/ midwife appointments, no one has ever commented on our age. Like I said, at the school gates, some are a few years younger, a lot are older, but we’re kind of in the middle.

I’m always amazed at the fear ‘autism’ caused. Our 8 year old has autism and ASDH and he is adorable. Funny, engaging an absolute whizz at maths and science. Kind to animals. Utterly fab :)

36, 38 and 41 for me so all as an older Mum. All healthy.
Husband a couple of years younger
Knackered tho.

How old was your DH when you had your last, if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you for your response. Did you go onto have anymore?

We didn't, no. Very happy with what we have

Had my second at 42. Easy pregnancy and birth. He's been a joy. He is neurodivergent.
Aside from the first couple of years, I've not found it any more difficult or tiring than my first baby at 29.

I had mine at 41 and 43, my husband was 45 and 48. Kids are fine.
My friend had hers at 46, husband 50. Kid is fine.
I could go on. I do know an autistic child born when mother was 45, father 47ish (don't know exactly), but most of the other autistic kids' parents in her special school all had the kids in their late 20s to mid 30s (both parents).

My friend just had a baby age 44, baby perfectly healthy.

My wife/I were 30/40; 31/42 & 33/43 with our 3. All fine TG. Youngest is 1. I want another one. Wife wants to wait another year before trying. At that rate, on a good day we’ll be 36/46 for next one. Not ideal. Concerned about it? Yes I am. But we only get one life and children are the best thing in it. So I still hope for another precious one.