Help! 4 year old ‘excitable’ with younger sibling

[GoodnightAdeline]

Hoping somebody has some pearls of wisdom as I’m really struggling with this one.

We have a 4 year old DD and a recently turned 1 year old DS. DD loves her baby brother, but is so excitable whenever they spend time together - she does this really loud cackling laugh CONSTANTLY at everything he does, grabs whatever toy he’s playing with, pulls him around and just generally doesn’t give him a moments peace.

For months now I’ve tried ‘gentle please’, ‘he’s only a baby so very kind hands’ ‘he likes it when you play with him quietly’/gently’, that kind of thing. But it’s had no effect and recently I’m just constantly raising my voice at her in exasperation. I’ve tried asking for her to ‘help’ me with him, coming up with ideas for more gentle games, spending more time 1-on-1 in case it’s jealousy… nothing works!

Please help! It’s driving me mad

More exercise for her and more supervision for both when playing.

Play gently is a bit vague. You need to say he likes it when you show him the pages of his book or when you shake the rattle like this. If the cackle is bothering you then say oh that’s a bit loud and could frighten your brother, let’s try and not be so loud.

I do nothing but supervise, I don’t leave them
together alone for a single moment. I’ve tried all of those things but none of it works, she just carries on.

Does he mind?

She's 4 years old. Should she not be understanding that she should do as she's asked by now?

He enjoys it for it a bit but then it inevitably goes too far and annoys him.

@neilyoungismyhero yes, anything useful to add..?

I think if you are looking for “something that works” in the sense that you will be able to stop supervising and intervening, then that’s not going to happen any time soon.

Deary me this thread, wish I’d never bothered posting. I don’t expect to stop supervising, I just want suggestions on helping her to calm down.

Be a bit more assertive, rather than “gentle hands” try “do not do x”…she’s only 4, you need to be more specific

I had something similar with my two - the larger one just would not stop harassing the younger one no matter what I did. Putting him in the hall as a timeout was the only thing that worked (and even that only worked if he was left out there until he started crying - if let back in earlier he just went straight back to DS2 and hit him again).

He did grow out of it but it was awful while happening. I still have to shout "GET AWAY FROM HIM" and count down from 3 now - that sort of works. The kids are 13 and 12 so have got used to this injunction :/

I hope you get some better advice from someone here!

I don’t think there is a way of stopping a four year old be four or a one year old needing constant supervision. I think I was trying to tell you it’s normal and what really fixes it is that they grow up. I appreciate that you are looking for a trick or technique to help but I don’t think there is one. I had my large family very close together so I do appreciate the exhaustion you are feeling.

Wjsch I had advice... let me know if you find a solution! It's knackering, Isn it? I cimfort myself that it doesn't last forever and most children calm down a little bit at about 5yo.

It sounds like you need to reacquaint yourself and DD with the word 'no' and clear consequences.

She snatches a toy:

'He's playing with that' and give it back. She does it again. 'We don't snatch' and move her away.

She pulls him around:

'He doesn't like that' and move her away. She does it again, pick him up and move him away, and tell her 'I'm playing with DS over here because you're not being gentle'.

I asked because my two are the same, even down to the cackles . And the baby is generally happy about it but I wonder what sort of rough and tumble baby I'm creating.

Hmm could you say 'he likes it when we do X, me and him are going to do X now, would you like to join us?'

Or

'Let's go crazy for 30 seconds (stamp feet/run/jump/cackle (lol) ) and then we'll sit and read a book' 'wow he is so happy you're reading the book to him! I think he'd love more of that'

I don't know. Its hard ❤️

Well yes - tell her very firmly not to annoy him and to leave him alone if he is getting irritated. It's called parenting. Your 'gentle please 'over the months hasn't worked.

LOL do you honestly think I haven’t tried this? I made it clear in my post I’m not averse to raising my voice and being stricter.

I only included the ‘gentle’ stuff because I knew half the replies would be ‘have you tried distracting her/praising her/saying he prefers X and Y’ if I didn’t.

How does she behave with other children or animals? Is it situational (or at home while you are cooking, or out t friends, or out at the playground)?