Toddler separation anxiety lasting forever - what am I doing wrong?

[Mamabear04]

DS is 20 months, I look after him and he doesn't attend nursery. I take him to x2 toddler groups a week. He is fine when his older sibling is there for the first one but for the second, when it is just him and I, he is sooo clingy and struggles to leave my side. Its slightly improved in the past couple of weeks in that I don't have to hold his hand when he is having his snack and sometimes i cam quickly grab a cup of tea. We always have to leave early because he asks to go.

I see my parents every week and go round to their house but he generally gets very upset if I even go to the toilet. He adores my parents and asks for them all the time and when we leave their house he will say that it was fun but when we are there he will generally always stay close by to me.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. None of the other kids at the toddler groups behave like this, they all seem happy to Potter about. DS just isn't that interested in the toys but I'm worried that he will struggle socially when he eventually goes to nursery. I was also hoping for my DP to take him the odd mornings so I can have a rest or catch up on jobs but that just seems so far out of reach. He seems to just be in a state of constant separation anxiety unless with DH (who he probably loves more than me!) Any advice? I feel like I'm failing him and not preparing him for social situations!

You are not failing him. This is just how he feels right now. I really wouldn't push it . You say there has been a slight improvement in the toddler group. That is great, I'd keep going with this at his pace. He will sense that you are trying to push his independence and that is more likely to cause him to get anxious. I'd just roll with it for now, looking for opportunities to take a tiny step forwards ( as you are doing) but otherwise not worrying. He isn't even 2 yet.
Deal with nursery when it happens. He may or may not take it in his stride easily but I suspect you pushing it too hard now isn't going to help.

Don't worry. He won't still want to hold your hand when he is 13!!!

Some are just like this. I had a Klingon, she got better and better the older she got, but couldn't handle sleepovers. She went off to uni and I was very worried but she was absolutely fine. Came back home when she finished and didn't move out. She's currently aged nearly 29 away in a gap year in Australia and doing just fine. Back in September, not sure if she'll go back or stay in the UK

He’s tiny, still too young for socialising properly! If he doesn’t enjoy the groups stop going unless it’s for older sibling’s benefit. If you want a break and your parents are game then I’d just leave him there for an hour. It’s not like he doesn’t know them or the house. Stay close by and if he doesn’t calm down after 30 minutes go back and get him. Nothing ventured nothing gained and he may surprise you and you can do longer next time.