please parenting help now am too tired/ ill to think straight

[Cappuccino]

ok really should be in bed am having relapse

but am alone with kids and dd1 (7) has strewn all her clothes all over her floor 'to get ready for swimming' (this is a game; we are not going)

I have pointed out that they were ironed and would she put them away

she has ignored me

I have shouted pitifully at her and gone and sat on the stairs and sobbed

am I making too big a deal of this because I am ill or should I just go throw her agains the wall?

Is she aware she has made you cry?
Is she the sort of child for whom this will result in feelings of guilt and thus self-directed tidying up?
Are you actually feeling emotionally strong enough to engage in battle of wills over this?

Sorry you are feeling crap.

no
no
no

I would go and sit in the toilet with a book if I were you.

It can be so hard looking after children when you are ill and tired. My teo pick up on it and act up.

Or ask her calmly to pick them up nad if she doesnt she can wear unironed clothes.

Oh and add choclate to the book in the loo

I can be absolutely no help as I dont have kids yet but didnt want to leave this unaswered!! I feel for you, I am an ME suffer (am currently in good health at the moment) but have spent years in bad health and I know how hard the simplist thing can be when you are ill and exhausted!

Can you let it go, Cappucino, just this once?

I don't think it matters if the clothes are a bit creased up and I bet she'll put them away later.

Sorry you feel so bad.

Just leave them where they are!

It doesn't matter - you are too ill to battle.

Give in gracefully and when she goes to bed she'll have to kick them to the side and then wear them unironed and crumpled - sadly she won't mind at all and you'll discover that it's you who minds about her looking neat and tidy. When you are better you can deal with it again and re-impose your rules.

Sit down somewhere warm - suggest the bath...and feel better soon

Have to say, I would be tempted to say sod it ( or probably stronger) and leave it as a abattle not worth fighting today.

Maybe a gentle mention later in the day along lines of "have you tidied up your clothes yet?" ...would she repond to a challenge see if she can tidy them up in less than a minute or similar ( sod the wrinkles...it's the principle..?)

Ignore it if you can and go back to bed

playing I have post-viral fatigue, so in the same ballpark as ME

now she has covered the room in buttons

I do think I need to leave them to it you are right

Walk away and be kind to yourself. When things have calmed down have a talk with her and impose sanctions if appropriate - she's old enough not to have to be dealt with "immediately" for it to be effective. Don't turn this battle into a shoutfest as it will wear you down, gather your strength and deal with it later. In the meantime leave the clothes and let her wear them creased if you think it will help drive the message home!

Or go calm and scary. That used to work for me - used to terrify me when Mum used her quiet voice. No idea why, she never punished me really harshly or anything, I think it was just that I was aware it was serious and I had really overstepped. Silence was even worse, it meant I had upset her and yes, I did feel guilty.

Go and have a glass of wine x

Hmm...they can smell weakness can't they!

Walk away. To fight another day.

I spotted another post that you didn't have tv reception either...bad timing, just when as spot of inane tv watching could be just the thing for you ( or the children and by extension you...).

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Ah Cappuccino, then I really feel for you, as its really just another name for ME. I barely coped with looking after myself during my last relapse (was ill for 3 years) and ended up having to use a wheelchair when we went out! Thankfully my health is now pretty good (90%) which I think is probably as good as its gonna get and I just work hard at not relapsing but I have the challenge of having a family to come yet!! There are loads of ME support groups online, Action for ME springs to mind, which might be worth checking out to find others in your position. It can be so debilitating, and knowing there is no cure or not knowing when/if you will ever be well can be heart breaking and frustrating. Life has to go on but you must look after yourself, doing too much will make you worse. If you need to rest then you should rest, ME is something you can't fight and hope it will go away, I know this from bitter personal experience! Thats easy to say and hard to do when you are a Mum, but looking after yourself is a top priority as it will directly effect the well being of your children.

Hope you are OK. Personally, it would irk me to leave the clothes but some battles aren't worth it. Get her to put them away later or tomorrow. And you sit down and have a nice cuppa. Or wine and chocolate.

Ah did I see you have ME? My sis had this and know something of how hard it was - if you are struggling, look after yourself. Don't push it, have a lie down.

thanks Playing - I am on the mend, and only really got ill in September, so I can't complain - my relapses are only little (ie I have to go lie down for a couple of hours) so I know I'm very lucky in the scheme of things - I am going in the right direction and am nowhere near where I was in Sept

I'm having kind of a normal life now apart from a nap in the afternoon; some days I get up and do again after that, and some days I can't, but I am working in the mornings

My mum has a friend who has recovered from ME who used to be involved in organising the local support group and she told me to stay away because they were all so miserable and none of them were getting better! I know a lot of people recover from PVS before it develops into ME proper so I am hoping, hoping

sorry to hear your story - hope your family plans work out well

Cap - I hope things are better this morning. How are you?

oh Madhouse how kind for you to come back to the thread

I felt utterly dreadful yesterday and went back to bed as soon as dh came home, and didn't even stir for the whole bedtime routine

I'm taking it really easy today

I hope you manage to have a restful day and enjoy the weekend.

I felt like walking out when DH walked in yesterday, ionstead I had a long bath with candles (Which are ususal out due to two under three).

Hi Cappuccino,

Sounds like you have caught the symptoms just in time before it develops too far, which is great!

First time I got ill it took about 10 months from starting to be ill to pretty much getting a normal life back. That was very quick and I was incredibly lucky that it was caught early and I had a good support network (twas only 15 so I had Mum to look after me!) and it was pretty much classic post viral fatigue. It does show that if you look after yourself you can and will recover. I then went on to have 3 very normal years and virtually full health during my A levels and first year uni. It was only once I was in my second year of a teaching degree when stress, deadlines, teaching practice, commuting, hectic social life all caught up with me that my health started to fail. Again, if I had listened to the signs I am sure I would have been ill for a bit but then recovered, but I didn't. I knew what it mean, I felt I had had a year of my life robbed before and I was doing something I loved and there was no way I was going to let this "beat me". Such a silly arrogant attitude, but I can be stubborn at times, so I fought and fought it for 8 months till I eneded up not being able to walk. Took me 3 years to get my life back. Please, don't feel sorry for me, that is not the point of me sharing this. The point I am trying to make is that you can beat this if you take care of yourself and strike a balance between doing enough but no too much. And you can stay well if you are careful in how you live, eat right, get enough sleep, manage stress and rest if you have a bad day. Oh and keep smiling, positive thoughts and energy can work wonders!

From a personal point of view I also want to add that loosing everything I thought mattered to me when I got really ill and realising that what really matters are not money, the things you own or your job but your close friends and family, has changed me forever, in a good way. My lovely lovely DH stayed by my side the whole time and managing to walk down the isle on our wedding day was such a special moment. He is and was my rock, how many 20 years old would push their girlfriend in her wheelchair? I feel so lucky and blessed and cannot regret a single day of being ill because it has led me to where I am now and made me who I am. So even when you are having a black day there can a will be a positive outcome if you want there to be!

playing you have made me cry

thank you so much for that lovely post

I was feeling negative; thank you

I hope it helped, I just wanted to share the hope. You hear and feel the negative all the time and sometimes you just need to remember the good even during the bad times. I honestly consider myself a very lucky person despite having spent most of my adult life with bad health!!

Oh Cappuccino - it can be so hard going when you are feeling below par and the little ones play up - especially when you have made a huge effort to iron and tidy then things end up in the 'cupboard on the floor'.
I hope you are feeling more rested today and sometimes a good sleep helps you see things with a different perspective and maybe your DH can help to pick the stuff up. There is nothing more stubborn than a little one being asked to tidy the mess they just made- battle of wills and all that.
Sorry, I'm waffling on but I just wanted to send you some love and a hug.