Solo parenting for x3 DC: newborn, 2yo and 4yo. Help please!

[LadyofLaundry88]

DH has to go away for work trip for 10 days. Newborn will be 7 weeks old.

I really don’t know how I’m going to manage getting the older DC up, dressed, fed (whilst navigating the x999 tantrums), doing nursery run with a baby who BFs around the clock and very refluxy (ie I can’t pop her down in a Moses basket or she’ll be sick, or mauled by cat or older DC).

All made more complicated by the pain I’m in post-op which is made worse when lifting, bending (parenting unruly toddlers basically!)

Any tips on surviving MUCH appreciated 😭❤️.

I’m doing this with 2 yr old and newborn this week. it’s been okay(ish) but I prepped the hell out of it.
prep (& help) are key

food - buy in good selection of snacks, cheese and fruit and have it to hand.
meal prep in advance. My Dd is getting pasta Bolognese from the freezer pretty much every day for lunch this week. Dinner is noodle stir fry or fish pie.

washing - I do one small load every day of kids and my stuff it makes the drying managable,

for mornings and night - get as hoc paid help for the mornings if you can.
night nanny’s also work as hoc is get one for 2-3 nights if you can afford it so you can get some sleep. It’s about £150 per night.

day
i book or plan some church playgroups every day to give morning structure/ burn energy.
toys and games in afternoon and early evenings my Dd is getting more pepper pig than I care for but needs must …

bed
sort out newborn first once asleep I put them in the room next door and do the 2 year old.

Good luck 🤞

Do you have a sling for baby

honestly I would sack off school or nursery for a few days, or just say that you will likely be late this week due to everything going on and to expect you when you can make it in. I'm sure they will be understanding.

Do you have grandparents who can come and stay?

It sounds like a nightmare tbh. I'm not surprised you're worried!

Preparation sounds like a good tip from PP. also getting early bedtimes for you with the baby to get at least some sleep.

Do the older ones go to nursery?

Can you buy in any help, even a local teenager after school for a few hours would help.
If you are still in pain post-op, it’s worrying that you are going to be left to do lifting etc. It could make things worse.
Is there any way that DH can delay the trip?

https://www.home-start.org.uk/

you could try this charity for some help? It's free I believe?

I had 3 under 3 including a new born full time. No df on scene at all. You will manage op.

Really is a case of being organised and having low expectations I think.
Lay outfits out for the next day when the big two are in bed , easy breakfast options that you know won't cause tantrums even if it's not that healthy ! Chocolate chip brioche roll and a banana is an easy one .

Pizza / pasta/ sandwiches for dinner so it's nice and quick ,
Get the baby in a sling , minimal baths just for that week if possible and maximum screen time that you feel comfortable with !

Hopefully you have a family member near by that might be able to pop by a few times ? If not I know how you feel as I have no one and it's a real juggle !

Thank you so much for all your replies—honestly so nice having support on here and permission to be a bit late for nursery, screen time and give them less than ideal food (that they’ll LOVE 😂).

DH can’t delay, he’ll miss out on the project otherwise which he needs to do for his career prospects. He’s been v supportive of my career so far and is incredibly hands on father, this is something I feel like I should do for him.

DC are in nursery for x3 mornings/week which will be a huge help. I will probably have to sling the baby but it’s really painful, but I can take painkillers ++ for the week and sort of strap myself up.

I just feel pathetic for being so worried—I feel like this should be no problem as it’s my “job” this year to be a mother and I should be fine on my own!

Can you get them into nursery full-time? I'd hire in help.

Can you increase nursery hours?
Everybody fed, nobody dead was my mantra when doing similar, minus the 4 year old.
Late is fine. Picky tea is fine. Slightly dirty clothes are fine. Baby still in sleepwear is fine

Word of warning - the weekends drag. Try and get some plans in for that. My awesome friend used to collect a takeaway occasionally, and turn up with food. Stay for a bit, then load the dishwasher, and dissapear at 8 30.

Yes can you get a local friend/ teenager/ hired help even to help if you a few hours? Ie they watch older two in garden an hour in afternoon, or take baby for walk around block 20 mins etc

Get your dh to prep some meals for freezer, then order food shop with ready made stuff in between

Don't wear a sling if it causes you pain. It will delay your healing and could cause serious damage.

Can you get grandparents to help? Or a friend? I agree about a few hours of help in the afternoon even from a local teenager would be good. Or you could ask some of the girls at nursery if they do babysitting and get them to come for a couple of hours even to allow you to eat and shower whilst they hold the baby.

I don't think you're being dramatic. There's always a single parent along to tell you to buck your ideas up but single parents are super heroes and just because they cope (because they have to!) doesn't mean it's easy. I really find two nights on my own with DC exhausting so ten is a lot!

Same, I was a lone parent to a 3 year old with autism, a 2 year old and a newborn, I managed because I had no choice their father left and I had no family. Wasn’t easy but you manage.

Is there any support you can call on OP?

I have 4DC and do most weekdays alone or with DH coming just in time for a quick kiss at bedtime. Not quite same ages - my younger 3 are 2x3 and a newborn. It's definitely doable BUT I'm not in pain. With post-op pain in the pain I really think you shouldn't be using a sling if itd going to affect your recovery.

I'd seriously start calling in favours from friends and family, and anything that isn't covered with that you pay for. 10 days is not that long in the scheme of things but you really shouldn't be hurting yourself and slowing recovery. I really think you need an extra pair of hands. I wouldn't want to do bathtime for wriggly 2yo if lifting is painful. There's a time for gritting your teeth and pushing through. This isn't it I reckon.