Potty Training

[NameName2023]

Our 2.5 month old is showing a lot of the signs of readiness for potty training. I’ve been reading books and a lot of them go down the intensive, 3 days, not leaving the house, constant reminders etc.

Our DS doesn’t cope well in ‘pressure’ situations and reverts to more baby antics.

Therefore, my husband and I were wondering about a more relaxed approach - having the potty out, having the reward chart out but keeping him in nappies for now. He has the option to use the potty and rewarded for it but doing it more slowly. Then working towards pants in a few weeks.

Is this a terrible idea? Should we go for the all or nothing approach?

2.5 months?

Surely you mean 2 years 5 months?

I think that’s just confusing for them tbh. 2 and a half is still very young and clear consistent and simple messaging is what they understand- ‘no more nappies, wee and poo goes in the potty’. What you’re proposing honestly sounds like you’re hoping that they’ll train themselves because you don’t really want to commit to it. And I get that, it’s no one’s favourite part of parenting, but either do it or don’t do it. If you’re really busy right now and can’t commit to a few days at home then wait until you can.

You definitely don’t pressure them whatever the method but staying home for a few days and then planning short outings right after they’ve been for wee and taking the potty and an outfit change with you gives the best chance of success.

A halfway house of making it optional could also cause issues because at some point it has to become not optional, and he may never make that decision himself. Some kids do but I don’t think they’re massively common (and don’t want to stereotype but IME they’re mostly girls with older siblings to copy) and you get a lot of stubborn 3+ year olds who are doing things like poo witholding because they don’t want to do it on the toilet.

Presuming you mean he's 2.5 years old then honestly ditch both the nappies and pull ups if you're intending to potty train otherwise it's just confusing the issue and likely to make training 10x harder. Pull ups should only be for naps or bedtime and all other times either pants, loose trousers or bare bottom to avoid confusing him.

The short intense method didn't work for my dd at all. We just kept her in pull ups and took her to the loo/potty. Initially we'd offer to take her to the toilet and after a month she'd ask. Some sweets were given as bribes. Eventually the pull ups were dry pretty much all day long and we stopped wearing them. It took about two months, aged 2y2m to 2y4m approx. Not too many accidents after that (occasional poo ones). No stress or tears at all.

My daughter likes to understand how things work and learn cognitively how to do something before doing them. When she was learning to walk she was cruising furniture at 9 months but refused to walk until 14 months. She ran the next day and hasn't stopped!

I knew we needed to mirror this with potty training and developed our own gentle method.
We started with an hour at a time when we were home together so on my day off and at the weekend. She got distressed with accidents so being able to say "that's enough for today" shall we put the nappy back on helped her. We switched to pull ups and had the potty available so if she wanted she could use the potty. Once she was ok with 1h we did 2 then 4h. Once we got to 4h each morning or afternoon at home she was given a choice of nappy or knickers. Once she was asking for knickers at both times we planned to go for it fully time at Easter which was close. She refused flat out to put knickers on so we went back to offering her them and tried again on the may bank holiday and she cracked wees really quickly and has very good bladder control. She can go longer in the car than her daddy! It took longer to get poos but she had toddler diarrhoea and allergies so she doesn't always get a lot of notice and because of this it took her longer to get the cues. We had to introduce some incentives once it was clear she did understand when she needed to poo but preferred for some reason to go in her knickers

Thanks everyone for the advice.

Yes - I do mean 2.5 years. Not months.

@InTheRainOnATrain - it’s not at all that I’m not willing to commit. If that’s the best way, I’ll do it. It’s just I feel a gentler approach might be better for our son so I was asking whether this was a good idea or not.

Do the 3 days, but keep it light and no pressure. When he has an accident (there will be lots!) don't make a big deal out of it. You just need to say once "oh dear, wee-wees go in the potty don't they?", then get him changed and move on.

We had the potty in the living room for days before we actually started training, and he sat on it for practice plenty of times before we began as well. The first 3 days were hard work, but we didn't find it intense at all. We had done loads of preparation before training, so we were all ready for it.

I would really recommend Amanda Jenner's Potty Training Magic to read before you begin

Taking nappies off doesn't have to be pressured for them. You'll feel a bit stressed perhaps, but they shouldn't. It does help avoid mixed messages. There will be accidents, you just have to correct kindly.

Be prepared that there's a big range in how quickly kids train. A flexible attitude is helpful!

He might surprise you - my 2.5yo DS has. He got the hang of it in a few days with only 3 accidents. We started by having a bare bum at home and reminding him to have a wee in the potty. I don't think he felt pressured... maybe it helped that we still went out to the park etc with nappies on, and towards the end of the day when he's tired we also put a nappy on. Then we moved to leggings but no nappy. He was really pleased with himself for weeing and pooing in the potty or toilet. We didn't do direct rewards (e.g. giving a sweet for having a wee) but made a bit of a fuss over him and got him a new towel and special soap for washing his hands, a couple of new toys and some new underpants and PJ's with his favourite TV characters on them. I was dreading the process but actually it was quite easy, hopefully it'll be the same for you and your DS too.

I’d say if you don’t remove the nappy it will never really happen- they need to get used to the feel of bare bum, then knickers. You can still go out but just don’t have any times commitments, you don’t have to tell your child what’s happening.

I’d say if you don’t remove the nappy it will never really happen

Every child is different though and it definitely worked for us that way with minimal upset, and "only" took two months or so (which we were 100% fine with).

Some kids develop physically before intellectually (for want of a better word) and vice versa.

My dd was able to talk about needing the potty and wanting to use the potty like her (older) nursery friend could, before being quite physically able. So we just kept offering it, pulling the pull-ups up and down each time. She loved her potty and felt all grown up.

Incidentally this is the method dd's nursery recommended for her.

I think some children develop physically first so they potty train by the "feel". Whereas my dd potty trained by talking about it. Everyone is different, my ds will probably be different.

My son is 3 and was very speech delayed due to glue ear. We waited until his speech was good enough but we put potties in the bathrooms, talked to him about it lots and introduced it gradually before bath, first thing in morning etc.

He's now 3.3 months and we've taken a nappy off completely and take him regularly as his speech is fine now. He took to it really well as he was ready and a gradual introduction worked well for us - but I wasn't in a hurry. His pre school also don't require him to be potty trained so there was no pressure there.

I think each child and family is different but I do agree that proper potty training only happens when you take a nappy off completely. We haven't stayed at home for 3 days with no trousers on etc, we just use the potty before we go out, I've got a portable potty seat for longer trips out and lots of spare trousers!

Easter weekend is coming up - it's a good time to do it as you're home for 4 days. I'm planning to try with my 2.5yo. was thinking of doing a support thread actually.

I trained my daughter when she turned 2 years. We stayed home for 3 days. Potty was near to us, and she was only wearing a robe. The first day was messy - she was peeing in every 30 minutes.
Hoewer, she really enjoyed the process - she was very proud of herself every time when she used the potty.
I think the key is not to force it. Never put them on the potty if they are upset or crying. They shouldn't think it's a "punishment."
What is worked for us to put her favourite toy on the potty, and say after "now it's baby turn". She loved that.
After 3 weeks, she didn't have any accidents during the day. Now she is 2 years and 2 months, and we don't use nappy during the night.
We do the "dream potty" where we put her on the potty at 11pm, while she is half asleep. She stays dry all night after that.

I definitely don't think it's early. If they personally allow you, go for it.

Is this a terrible idea?
Yes, sorry, I think it is. Two fold, I think it’s a really confusing message leaving him in nappies but encouraging him to use the potty. I also think, ideally, the encouragement phase should be really short before it becomes self directed. I would worry the temptation of a portable toilet (a nappy) would drag this out.

I also think ‘rewarding’ normal bodily function is a bit odd as well. Did you reward him weaning or sleeping or walking? I’d just lose the nappies and go for it as a normal thing without fanfare, not something to achieve or fail at.

It also really doesn’t need to be ‘pressured’. The only pressure will come if you get stressed about it. If you haven’t already read it, I think the ethos behind Oh Crap is excellent, even if you don’t follow its method to the letter.

Should we go for the all or nothing approach?
Yes. See above.

We did intensive with both ours and they trained very quickly, first wss stressful but everything is stressful with her, it's just how she is! Second one was easy. Nappies, particularly disposables are so comfortable and easy now 3 year and sometimes 4 year olds prefer them to the toilet. It might be stressful for us taking them away all of a sudden but ultimately I think it's less stressful for the child to avoid confusion and mixed messages. We talked about throwing the bappies away for a week or so first then got rid.

I toilet trained my son at 18 months, took less than 3 days.

be prepared to have a long weekend at home and keep the mop ready.

we didn’t reward our son with treats, because we needed him to grasp he had to do this like he brushes his teeth, it’s expected therefore no reward.

however, after a month of him being consistently dry, we did treat him to a fun day out and mentioned we were proud of how he adapted to his new way of doing pee and poop.

we started by making him watch simple learning ‘potty song’ a week before we started and, our son has always been quite a quick learner which even his nursery noted, so that helped.

I would say, definitely read the ‘oh crap’ method or watch a few videos on YouTube for guidance.

my son is now just over 2.5 years and hasn’t worn night nappies since he turned two, although I found once he was dry in the day within a few weeks he was dry overnight most nights but still waited until we took that last night nappy away.

good luck to all potty training, it’ll all be worth it.