Kissing 5 month old

[MyLilacFish]

Since my sons been born I’ve had a hand washing/no kissing rule, this has been broken several times by in laws and my older family members. At first my concern was RSV BUT I then realised how fatal coldsores can be. I suffered from coldsores from the night he was born, fortnightly which I’ve now been given medication for,still, I only kiss him in the all clear on his cheeks/ neck and his dad kisses him all the time.

my stepmum suffers coldsores badly and in Laws get them too but not as frequently, however, I know they they all love him so much and it’s a natural reaction to kiss babies chubby little cheeks. I did suffer OCD bad during pregnancy so I do know a lot of what I feel comes from my own over thinking.

The baby has started shoving belts on trolleys in his mouth, grabbing peoples mouths etc so I’m aware he’s having a field day with germs. At this age, would you allow family members to kiss him on the head/cheek but lay out some rules about kissing whilst being Ill/feeling a coldsore coming etc.

what would you do/say? I do not want anyone kissing his mouth, it’s gross that’s my big one.

I would be very cautious about cold sores - at this age as much because they're a pain in the arse as any more serious risk - but otherwise allow kisses.

Caution with cold sores but otherwise chill.

@DinnaeFashYersel @ColleenDonaghy @Jamessmith0901

I think because I suffer with them myself and don’t kiss him when I’ve had one for a little while after etc, I hate the idea of people not being as careful as me!

Unfortunatly, MIL has “accidentally” kissed him several times and others have once or twice but I’ve always had a baby sanitizer and quickly given him a wipe over. I think it’s come to the point now where I’m just an anxious mess when anyones holding him that I know I’m being OTT, I think if I go with the approach that he can be kissed on the head but if they know they’re ill or potentially getting a coldsore (the dreaded tingle) not to hold him/kiss? I just worry they’ll overstep this mark so I need to be firm with it. The other thing that made me think about this is that when I go back to work family are looking after him and I know they’ll kiss him when I’m not there so I’m hoping to just drill in the importance of my boundaries.

fair enough being careful with cold sores, but otherwise I'm sorry but you are being incredibly OTT. I've passed my baby round since they were born, it's much healthier to be exposed to germs earlier on, you're not doing their immune system any favours. The idea of putting a sanitizer on my baby makes my skin crawl, they are pure chemical. if family are doing you a favour with free childcare, you will need to let them do whatever. if you want to set boundaries, you need to use paid childcare.

It's the most natural thing in the world for a grandmother to kiss her grandchild. Unless she has a cold sore or is in some other way very ill, you really don't need to worry, and you certainly don't need to be sanitising your baby! Germs are good.

Even if they do have a cold sore, they can still hold him as long as they don't kiss him.

These are people who love your baby.

I have cold sores and have always been extremely careful. I did panic and call 111 when ds2 was 4 months old and I kissed him on the head in the morning before realising I had one. They were very reassuring and said the risk is more for younger babies and around the lips.

I do think you are being ott in sanitising him if someone who isn't you generally kisses him. If they have cold sores at the time then yes, they defiinitely shouldn't. Once kids are mobile they are all off picking their noses and licking the floor/cat, so you won't be keeping him away from germs for long anyway. It is a good thing to build immune system.

OP I totally get it. I used to feel the same and you are right to put some boundaries in place. You are protecting baby as best you can and are doing a great job!

HSV can be fatal to infants so definitely definitely no kissing (anywhere) when active cold sore or when anyone feels there is one coming.

RSV is another concern and mortality highest within first 6 months so anyone with a cold should be staying away.

@Rosesanddaisies1 young babies have underdeveloped immune systems so are effectively immunocompromised in the first few months of life. What is a cold or a cold sore to someone like us with a robust immune system can be dangerous and even life threatening in tiny babies.
‘Challenging’ of the immune system is definitely a thing but should be post the first few months and not suddenly ‘everything goes’ at 6 months in my opinion. There is plenty of time for babies to be introduced to bugs in nursery/baby groups etc. Like you say OP, your baby is now starting to put everything in their mouth so you can start to relax but definitely not let go completely.

I really don’t get this attitude of you need to let grandparents do whatever they like because they are providing childcare. Seems like quite a bitter pov to me. My parents and PIL were always really helpful and once we explained our position on things always understood and whilst they have the kids ice cream at 7pm etc (grandparents prerogative imo) they never did anything we would have felt was unsafe.

I think there is a way of discussing these things in a kind way because it isn’t about ‘telling off’ of grandparents. Things are definitely different now (especially in this post Covid era) and they just want to spend time with their grandchildren and develop relationships which is lovely and no one wants to stop that.

@Rosesanddaisies1 @11NigelTufnel @ColleenDonaghy Thank you for your replies but just to clear some things up.

I’ve sanitised my baby with baby sanitiser which was recommended to me by my midwife during my pregnancy because of my peri natal OCD, it can literally be used on babies , it’s called vital baby if you’d like to read up on what it can be used on, it can also be used to sanitise a dummy or dropped toy etc . I have only ever sanitised my babies hands/cheek when my MIL has kissed him after her coldsore “went” coldsores still shed after the scab comes off, hence the sanitising.

my baby is extremely loved, plays with family members and is held and cuddled regularly, I would never stop that. My ask for help was easing up on my no kiss rule which by the way, I’m not sure how long ago people had babies in this group but as a FTM With a 5 month old, the health visitor now gives you a whole leaflet stating “DO NOT LET PEOPLE KISS YOUR BABY, ONLY ONE PARENT SHOULD IDEALLY BE KISSING YOUR BABY, ASK VISITORS NOT TO VISIT WITH AN ACTIVE COLDSORE/COLD/FLU” hence why I imagine lots of mums are now terrified to do anything deemed as wrong.

Also, @Rosesanddaisies1 of course I will set boundaries with my child, it’s about respect going both ways, should I let everyone have free reign? I would appreciate setting my boundaries and being heard so they know the dangers of kissing the baby on the lips or kissing whilst ill.

@Justsomethoughts

This is the sort of advice I was looking for. Thank you for actually taking time to understand my post! I think I’m just going to say that whilst I am more comfortable with kisses on the head, no hand or lips and if they’re Ill or coming down with something let me know and not to kiss baby,

Only one parent to kiss the baby? Gosh that's awful. Mine are only 5 and 3, the youngest was born during covid and we had no such advice thankfully.

@ColleenDonaghy I’ve just had a look for the document, it’s called hands and kisses but I’ve gone off what my HV Said about one of us the document says only kiss a baby if you are their parent or main carer so ignore my mistake, my HV said only one of us and that was her presumably because I had a coldsore at the time so crossed wires!

Thanks anyway, everyone.

I actually totally get where you’re coming from OP. I had the same rules with my DS when he was born.
I suffer terribly from cold sores and was put in medication from 36 weeks until DS is 6 months to ensure that I don’t get them (this is likely because I mentioned it at every appointment as to how worried I was about passing them on!).

anyway, I don’t kiss DS on the lips - never. I put his face to my cheek and go ‘mwah’ so he thinks he’s giving me a kiss and he finds it hilarious. I do kiss toes, neck, and top of head, especially when I don’t have any coldsores. If I did, I wouldn’t kiss DS anywhere at all.

as for other people - I was really funny about them being ill around DS especially in the newborn days. Now not so much, if they’re just unwell with normal cold I let them see him, especially as he has 9 cousins so can’t be avoided. If it was anything more serious at this age I’d probably avoid. That being said, I always take
him to baby groups where there’s lot of toddlers, I think it’s good for the immune system lol.

regarding cold sores with family members - for that reason I have never let my family members (or DP’s) kiss DS. It’s always been quite a strict rule of ours and I don’t regret it. My rationale is that they could have a cold sore and not realise yet and why risk it. I think you’re right not to let people kiss your child if you’re not comfortable with it.

if there’s anything I’ve learnt from having DS it’s to only do what makes you comfortable regardless whether it’s somethimg
otjer people are happy with or understand.

Agree with everything @Bunbun2277 said. Sounds like a great mum.
And last paragraph is very important
“if there’s anything I’ve learnt from having DS it’s to only do what makes you comfortable regardless whether it’s somethimg
otjer people are happy with or understand.”

OP this is your chance to be assertive where necessary. Hopefully a calm chat will do the trick but if that doesn’t work, remember you are the mum in this situation and what you say goes when it comes to protecting your baby.

@Bunbun2277 Yes, I suffered prior to pregnancy since I was a little girl but I also had a few during pregnancy and have had them off and on since birth. I’ve also been given the tablets but unsure if they’ll help! I take lysine too, I am very paranoid like today I’ve got very dry lips and a red patch of dryness so I’m automatically like oh shit, another one, but it’s not lol. I also do the mhawww on the side of the face so he thinks I’m kissing him.

I have spoken to my in laws/ immediate family and said that I’m more comfortable with a kiss on the head but if they know they’re coming down with something or the tingle let us know and not kiss, I’ve said I’m not going to tell them to suck eggs and all is well.

@Justsomethoughts thank you both x