Scared of Secondary School

[lovecanada]

My son is due to start secondary school in September.

When we were in our old address we were in the catchment area for all the worst schools so we moved when he was in year 5 to ensure a place at a 'good school' but he carried on going to the same primary school as I didn't want to mess his education around.

This however means that nobody he knows now will be going to the same secondary school as him.

He doesn't have any friends anyway at primary school and has been left out alot, bullied in the past and so a fresh start might do him good but he is "attractive" to bullies so I'm scared it will start up with new kids, bigger kids...

He's a brown belt in karate but he's still not a "tough" kid, he's very sensitive, eccentric (i.e. insisted on wearing black trainers with bright red laces all through year last year even though he was picked on for it).

He's never fit in at primary school, I'm just worried he wont fit in at secondary either at least at primary school he knew the kids, at the new school he won't know anyone and if they all turn on him he'll feel completely alone.

..have you spoken to his new head teacher?
Ask them about children who do not obviously "fit in" and their attitude to possible bullying.

Does he have SN?

He has dyspraxia but that has got so much better in the last few years with the karate and he does swimming etc. I try to keep him busy and he's doing rookie lifeguard at the moment too, all confidence boosting but he just does not get on with other kids for some reason.

He has been known to bully a little too. A couple of years ago he grabbed a boy and pushed his face into the ground because he wouldn't play 'his' game. So it's not all one sided, I just want him to have friends

I have spoken to new head about it, he said there are bullying mentors who are always available to a child and once bullying is reported it is sorted out instantly. One 13 year old girl told me she was bullied all the way through year 7 and 8 but as soon as they brought the mentoring thing in it was stopped instantly and she's loved the school ever since.

I know DS can handle himself physically, its more the mental side of it, exclusion etc...

My ds is a bit of an odd ball. Another mnetter recommended a book called the unwritten rules of friendship, it goes into how to help a vulnerable child, strategies to help your child make friends etc. Maybe something like this would help him.

lovecanada - are there any clubs he can go to where he will meet kids who will be going to his new school? Even knowing one or two people to say hello to helps a lot.
I went to a high school where I only knew a few people out of a year of 250 kids and it was quite hard but am hoping to move before dd starts high school for the same reasons as you.
Also he may pick up on any anxiety you have about him starting high school iykwim so try and think positively about it.I am already worried for dd as she is a sensitive dillydaydream and quite young for her age. Miggsies advice is a good idea as well . Good luck

I think wearing the different colour laces and going against the grain is brilliant too shows a strenth of character

lovecanada - just wanted to send you & your son good luck, I know how you feel. My son is 12 and started HS last September. He also is the type of child who just does not seem to 'fit in' (see my post, immature 12yo) I think its good that your son goes to a couple of out of school clubs, especially sporty ones. I am going to try and have a look at a couple for my DS, he has given up many over the last couple of years. Agree with colette about the laces and his character, he's obviously not afraid to be his own person, which is brilliant imo!!. This will be admired as he gets older, I am sure. As I was advised on here, I think you should keep in touch with the school if problems do occur and explore the support they have in place for confidence building, etc - not just sorting out bullying if it occurs.

I am hoping my DS matures in time as I am reassured he will - good luck to you and yours, you sound like a lovely Mum and I am sure he knows that,no matter what!!

HTH - just wanted to let you know you are not on your own!

Best Wishes
XXMFXX

He actually sounds like a very attractive boy...as a potential mate. He is doing lots of activities that would get him kudos form other kids. And if the girls find out he trains as a lifeguard he would be a catch so to speak. Eccentricity is much more acceptable in high school too, if it coincides with confidence.

I would talk to him about choosing his friends carefully. If he has the potential to turn into the class clown he might find himself with people who are more interested in his entertainment value rather than as a friend.

There will very likely be quite a few other kids in his situation too. I was a bit of an odd fish and would have changed schools for the sake of a fresh start if i could. In fact i went to a uni as far away from my school as possible without leaving the country (South Africa) to get to be on my own.

Good luck.