Mum guilt - sleep deprived and asking for help

[CAMU1]

Need help/advice about where the ‘limit’ is with asking for help, and how to do this without feeling both guilty and lazy!

I’m mummy to a gorgeous 11 week old, but have recently struggled with not being well (some sort of stomach bug possibly). I had to cave on Monday and ask my MIL to come round for 2 hours so I could nap between feeds. Last night the little one struggled to sleep due to reflux, so I’ve been up trying to settle her every hour since 2:30am. I’m absolutely exhausted, and tempted to ask my MIL for help again, as she happens to have a week off work and told me to message if needed.

I just feel so guilty - everyone keeps telling me that by 12 weeks, babies are no longer newborns and therefore ‘it’s easy now’. When she was little I barely got 3 hours of combined sleep in half-hour stints at night (exclusively BF, she was a terrible sleeper, and only contact napped.) However, I didn’t once have anybody to come round during the day so I could nap - I just powered through on my own. (For context, my husband is super supportive when he’s home but out the house for work 7am-6pm, my parents are retired but live far away, and my MIL lives close by but still works).

I feel like I’d be regressing if I now get help at 11 weeks. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is it lazy to have help so I can sleep? Does it mean I can’t cope as a parent? How do I deal with the guilt? Whenever I feel like I’ve cracked it for a couple of days, something inevitably happens to mess up her sleep or naps, and I end up back in a tearful and sleep deprived mess…

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for asking for help. If you need it, ask. Doesn’t matter what baby’s age is some babies just don’t sleep well.

be kind to yourself 💖

How come you feel like it’s somehow regressing to ask for help? Every stage is different, and difficult in its own way, plus sleep deprivation gets worse as you go on as you have less reserves in the tank! Does your MIL like seeing your baby? It won’t be a hardship for her to come round I’m sure!

I have a 9 month old and my mother in law came to look after him a few weeks ago when I was poorly, and I didn’t feel bad for asking! She came last night too as my husband was away with work. She enjoys seeing him and I’m not super woman, and don’t expect myself to be.

Might be worth thinking about why you feel guilty, and unpick it a little! We weren’t meant to do this alone, it takes a village and all that!

My reflux baby didn't improve until 18 weeks when I went dairy and soya free and she high dose omperazole and gaviscon. At this point she screamed 16-20h a day, was in my arms for 23h a day and we moved in with my in laws from 2-3 weeks to get support. She got a lot worse around 10 weeks

My reflux baby didn’t start to improve until they were about 8 months old and still has issues and food aversions at over a year old.

Join one of the Facebook reflux support groups, it’s relentless looking after a reflux baby, you are doing a great job.

Perhaps looking at seeing if your midwife can refer you to ‘home start’ with a volunteer coming once a week to help for a few houses. Saved my sanity.

Also yes, push to be prescribed omperazole, it took about 2 weeks to kick in then wow, what an improvement. She had quite severe reflux so it wasn’t a magic cure all, but what a lot lot better it was

Please don't think of it as "caving", OP! If I was your MIL I'd be happy to help. 11 weeks is still tiny!

If you've not been well and your MIL is offering help, absolutely take it! You will be a better mum for having some rest.

IME it doesn't get easier: current difficulties are worked through to make way for new challenges. And babies that age grow and change so quickly, so there's always a new problem looming!