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Traumatic postpartum experience - help!

4 replies

Bornunderpunches · 20/03/2024 01:17

Im a FTM and my DS was born in october 2023.

And just so many things went wrong - firstly, he had to be an elective section due to his estimated size and my GD the dr told me they didn't recommend a vaginal birth for me, id had a really hard pregnancy and on bed rest from 32 weeks due to what they thought was a rib condition at the time- i will come back to that- he struggled to feed at the beginning. we really struggled with position, due to my big boobs, although we found a way to sort of make it work, rolled up muslin and nipple shields but it has never been without a lot of stress.

he initially lost quite a bit of weight in those first few days, I fought so hard, worked with q lactation consultant and breastfed around the clock and he put the weight on. We soldiered on for a few weeks more and I ended up with right sided upper abdominal pain absolute agony keeled over for hours, 111 send an ambulance and were rushed to hospital in the middle of the night with my 6 week old baby and terrified DP to be told the rib pain Id been experienced wasnt anything to do with my ribs but actually gallstones. They discharged us at 3am with no cabs with carseat adaptors and we had to wait in the waiting room til morning for a family member to wake up and come and get us

I was put on an extremely low fat diet to manage the pain and i soldiered on with the breastfeeding as it had been my dream to feed my baby like this i then started loosing weight rapidly, im talking over a stone a month, my babies poop then started becoming mucusy and the dr suggested CMPA so I had to restrict even more from my diet with 0 guidance. The weight continued to fall off to the point now ive lost 5 stone in just 4 and a half months.

My baby was then weighed at 4 months and had dropped multiple centiles so I agreed to top up with formula unwillingly and hes taken to the bottle so well and gained so much weight I feel so guilty for trying to make it work for so long. My confidence has just plummeted and I think I want to give up breastfeeding now as he's so happy with the bottle and is refusing the breast now. I also cant cope with the weight loss and it needs to slow down. Im still on a long list for surgery with symptoms getting worse even from low fat meals and heard nothing regarding a nutritionist for myself and just feel totally unsupported during this difficult time. Im at my wits end. Also amongst all this my partner had a mental health crisis and was made redundant from his job hes still struggling massively and I carry most of the weight of looking after baby and running the house even in my bad condition. I just don't know how I can get more support I wish that things had been different

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Sorrento79 · 20/03/2024 03:04

Great news your baby is feeding well now. Well done for getting him back on track, regardless of the type of milk he is having.
All the rest of it does sound miserable. Have you still got contact with the health visitors? Maybe worth catching up with them about your mood.
The NHS doesn't really do nutritionists I'm afraid, can we help you look up what info you are after? Is it about diet for gallstones, or for CMPA?
I know it doesn't feel like it but you are doing really well

Onelittleone216 · 20/03/2024 10:21

Can you get to a GP for yourself and bluntly put it all on the table? That sounds so so hard and you are doing so well to keep your head above water in any way. You need proper diet advice and care.
Can your partner step up? Is he still in crisis?
Re breastfeeding: could you see a lactation consultant again? They’re not just for the beginning bit. They could give you some good combi feeding advice so you can carry on?

Superscientist · 20/03/2024 10:55

Breastfeeding my allergy baby nearly killed me. The day before I stopped breastfeeding I collapsed with a blood pressure of 80/40! I had lost 16% body weight and was close to my lowest weight from when I was anorexic
Gallstones can also cause weight loss. It took my sister 3 years of stomach pain to be diagnosed with gallstones and she dropped to 6stone and a BMI of 16!

My daughter was ebf for 8 months. We had 2 months of trying to combifeed and from 10 months to 2 years she was on alfamino. There was minimal difference in her in any of those situations. The formula was slightly better as it was getting a challenge to identify her last allergens whilst we were juggling my diet and her diet as she has a lot of allergies.

Breastfeeding was probably one of the hardest things I did and stopping was almost as difficult but I had run out of options and was in hospital due to my physical and mental health I needed to stop then.

You have done a brilliant job. I think maybe it's time to accept some formula and look after you. Try combifeeding, I think I would have stayed out of hospital as it would have just released the pressure on me. Also requested dietician support. My daughters dietician was more concerned about me than she was my daughter when we started seeing her. She put me on a high fat diet to try to slow my weight loss down. I know this isn't an option for you but they might have other ideas about changes to your diet.

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YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 20/03/2024 15:45

I ended up in hospital from malnutrition after breastfeeding so I can relate. It was a really rough time. I looked AWFUL and I felt even worse.

Please, please try not to feel guilty about not breastfeeding. I know it's what you wanted to do, but ultimately you tried your best and your baby won't come to any harm from being bottle fed.

All of my issues led to post natal depression too so do look after yourself. I think PND can sometimes present as feeling extremely hopeless if you feel you're not achieving perfection as a mother. We can all only do our best. That's good enough. It really is.

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