How to speak to 3 yo (to get information)! Sudden dislike for nursery

[Threesmycrowd]

3 yo DS has been settled at nursery for 2 years but in the last couple of months has become more reluctant to go and even cried at drop off. The staff have started mentioning that he's been quiet or not joined in much too. Nothing has changed that we're aware of and although i'm discussing it with nursery, i want to learn more from DS about how he's feeling and what the problem is. But how to get that out of him!

Does anyone have any thoughts/tips on how i can talk to him about this? Or maybe how much to expect him to be able to answer?

When i ask "why don't you want to go/why don't you like it" he says "because i don't". I don't want to put words in his mouth so i'm trying for quite open questions but if i ask closed ones "do you like XX person", "do you like the garden/the activities/dinner" he says yes to everything except "do you feel happy at nursery" :(

Talking while the child is playing is always the best way to communicate. If you Google play therapy you should be able to navigate how to start the conversation you want to have and using props to perhaps role play how their nursery day goes and the emotions attached to it.

It could be as simple as reaching an age where they simply want to stay with mummy and are kicking back against the current routine or obviously it could be linked to something happening at nursery. Any changes that occurred at the same time as the reluctance to attend? Staff member leaving, arriving, room change, home changes?

Can you try role play with teddies or puppets? For instance, let's pretend we're at nursery what shall we do before snack time? And see what he comes up with. It might give you some ideas to spark further conversations.

I would maybe ask after you have asked who he was sitting with at lunch or wherever ask did x like his lunch or did x like the game/story etc. Talk to him in short bursts and at random times .

Also instead of asking does he like the garden ask was the garden busy today see what he comes up with rather than leading conversation.

Agree with playing with soft toys etc, also sometimes you can try flipping it around and on the weekend build a"nursery" out of cushions and say "hello (parent) oh it's time for nursery, I'm (child's name),I don't want to go, what should I do?" And take the conversation from there. Sometimes they will give clues when they are in the position of power.

I find if I ask 'how was school today?' I get zero info apart from 'ok'. I started to ask random questions and found I got more info such as 'who was the funniest person in class today?' 'Did anyone have anything nice looking in their lunchbox today?'. This starts the conversation without asking them straight out what you want to know.

Thanks all of you. These are really helpful suggestions, i will give them a try 🙏