19m old DS bangs his head on purpose. What do I do?

[Givemepickles]

Has anyone got experience of this and any advice? Do I just need to wait for him to grow out of it?

This first started when DS was about 13 months and would occasionally smack his head hard on the bath tub while I was drying him. He'd then start crying but also try and do it again. Those times he was overtired I think.

This has increased so now if he's upset he will desperately try to kneel on the floor and thump his head against the ground. Sometimes he'll run to a wall and do it. When this has happened outside he has cut his head and got bruising. It also happens if he gets too hot or excited. I wouldn't say he's having tantrums, it can happen quite suddenly while we're playing but also if he doesn't want to do something like get in the buggy.

I pick him up and comfort him but he'll be squirming to get free and I'm 7 months pregnant so it's not the easiest. What can I do to help him? He doesn't talk yet but does understand what I say.

It is thought that up to 20% of healthy children head bang during the first few years. It is a normal developmental process. It usually begins towards the end of the first year. It can then peak between 18 and 24 months, and ease off by around four years of age

Thanks for your reply. I've read the same on Google. However, when you keep reading those sites they are often talking about babies repetitively knocking their head against the crib bars to lull themselves to sleep or as sensation seeking. My DS runs up to brick walls and smashes his head against it and screams in pain. It doesn't seem the same to me. Anyway I can't just let him do it. It's very distressing to see. My question is what can I do to help him?

My Grandson did this.. but when he was two he was diagnosed with ASD.. ( his cousins all boys too).
All we could do was pull him away/ pick him up.. distract him.. he did grow out of it.

Sorry to hear about your grandson. My DS has no symptoms of autism and I'm not worried about that. I thought other people would have experienced this too but maybe not.

Ignore, obviously stop if in danger, comfort if he comes to you, distract. Every kid I've known grows out of it and very unlikely to seriously harm themselves,they're not daft 😉

Ignore it as much as possible and dont comfort afterwards unless he is coming to you for a hug. At best say a neutral, well that was silly in a non judgmental quiet voice

I would expect it to stop once his speech and language develops, and he’s able to verbally communicate

My 18 month old son did this briefly for a few weeks, we would tell him to stop but realised it was an attention thing. We then mainly ignored or just moved him away from whatever he was banging his head on and he stopped.

Oh this was my DS! From about the age of 1 to maybe just before he turned 2, it went on for months though.

It was awful watching him bang his head off the floor, occasionally punching his own head if head couldn't bang it on something whenever he was upset or frustrated.
Then one day he just stopped and has never done it since and he's coming up to 4. All you can do is try to distract when they do it.

I understand how awful it is at the time, I hope he grows out of it quickly.

My son used to do this. It was really upsetting.

He grew out of it by about 3. He's now 6 and perfectly fine (well, he's very unusual but so are all 6 year old boys as far as I can tell).

DS used to bang his head at around 15 months but not enough for it to hurt. It was thought to be attention seeking although he is now on the path for an autism assessment. Have you spoken to your health visitor at all? They often have ideas or could refer you on e.g. to a paediatrician.

Thanks for your reply. It's good to know others have done the same. Do you remember what age your DS stopped? If he was banging his head on something hard like a pavement did you just hold him until he calmed down?

Thank you. Yes it's really upsetting. He is clearly upset and of course seeing him bruised and even bleeding is horrendous. Did you find anything that helped him? I've started doing some tricks from a toddler book like using very simple language to help him understand what he's feeling. At home I move him to a carpet as well but obviously don't have that option out of the house.

He was about 2ish, probably just after he turned 2 he stopped. The more I think about it once he started to talk more and communicate better it stopped.

I would just pick him up and move him away from whatever he was trying to bang his head off of and distract him as best I could. To me it seemed like he was hitting his head really hard but he never had more than a bit of redness. I think it is born out of frustration, that's what it seemed like to me and it stopped as quickly as it started.

Thank you. I truly don't think this is attention seeking in this instance. He does it even if we're not in the room and he is very upset when doing it. Nothing about it strikes me as attention seeking. It's more like he's desperate to not feel how he's feeling and this is his solution. If I'm holding him he'll kick and hit me to get down so he can hit his head again.

I haven't contacted HV no. Tbh I'm quite cynical about HV and GPs for any advice other than the most basic common sense but yes maybe a referral would be good.

OK that sounds reassuring. His language is definitely improving so hopefully that will be the solution and I'll keep naming the feelings so hopefully he understands he can say how he feels when he's upset. At moment he can only say a few nouns like shoe and banana, which doesn't help during a meltdown!

I really hope it stops soon for you and him, it is awful to see your baby so distressed. I didn't contact the GP of HV about this but if it will help give you peace of mind then you should contact them.

Thank you ❤