Co-Parenting

[Greenblackxo]

I have a son with my ex and he has suddenly decided, after 11 years, that he wants to take child of parenting our son. Up to now I have organised schools, clubs, dentists etc... and now my ex wants to decide what school he will be attending. We live in different areas so the school my son wanted to attend was local to me and everyone was happy. The application went in and his request was accepted.

His father has since applied to a school in his area and told me he will be attending and had to take a 45 minute bus ride to get there.

As we have had to contact mediators to support the conversation he has started emailing things like "I'm trying to hold him back by sending him to a lesser school" "it will go in his favour" he is telling me he is doing what is best for my son and accusing me of taking my sons phone away so he can't talk to him (which is something he has been doing)

His dad was always controlling and at some points abusive so I have limited contact but I don't know what to do. Having contact and having to deal with him is making me so anxious and at some points absolutely worthless - it's how he made me feel in our relationship and I'm having continual flashbacks.

I feel so hopeless and so upset as he is trying to twist everything he is doing and saying it's me. I feel like I'm going insane.

Will a mediator/court see through his behaviour or am I going lose my son and our routine that we have had for so long?

I honestly don't know but I would imagine that the Court will listen to your DS at 11.

Is sounds as though you were the victim of Domestic Abuse? You don't have to go through mediation if he was abusive, you can go straight to Court.

You also don't have to answer to any of his accusations by text or email. Don't feel the need to defend yourself. Just reply to texts like "what time is DS's football this week" but leave the other stuff unanswered.

Have you had any advice yet on the proceedings? Rights of Women give free advice but it can take a while to get through

At 11 your son will very likely have his wishes taken into account: childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-welfare-checklist/#:~:text=The%20court%20are%20required%20to,of%2011%20or%2012%20onwards.

The court are required to take the wishes and feelings of the child into consideration. It is not defined in law at which age the court will begin to listen to the child, but the court will tend to place more weight on a child’s wishes and feelings from the age of 11 or 12 onwards

I wouldn't discuss anything with him just respond with 'we will talk about this in mediation'.

He certainly does not get to swan in and TELL you what's happening. Ignore.

Thank you 💙

I was however for to me not sharing with the police at the time I have been advised I have to go go through mediation.

I kept every abusive message (including my responses asking him to only contact me reading our son) in a folder - just incase I needed to prove it so I have that.

I attending therapy after the relationship and I was diagnosed with PTSD and I've been doing so well. This however is now giving me flash backs. This time round I have reached out for help and support straight away so I'm back with a dr and a therapist so my new relationship and my own mental health isn't pushed to the brink this time.