Am I being overly worried about my baby's safety?

[lwymmd]

I have extreme anxiety about harm coming to my child and needing to keep my family safe. My problem is that whenever other people look after my baby she ends up hurt or having near misses which I can't get out of my mind. Things like: getting hit over the head by a metal spiky object by another child, being left at the top of the stairs with the stairgate wide open and nearly falling down, being thrown into the air playfully and banging head on the ceiling, being left unsupervised around choking hazards... I could go on with many more examples.

I don't know whether this is a 'me' problem in that I need to accept life is not always safe and that most babies make it through alive or if this is a 'them' problem and that people should be more careful with my baby. I don't really know what I'm asking for... maybe some reassurance? Or suggestions for how to cope better? It's sending me mad as I feel like I can't ever leave her in anyone else's care

Hmm... I'd say a bit of both. You should address the severe anxiety or you'll worry yourself into a state. Other children will occasionally give your child a clatter and vice versa, and accidents do happen. But it does sound as though there have been a few instances that have been genuinely unsafe, i.e., the open stair gate.

I'd try to sort out in your mind the genuine concerns which can be addressed, and the extreme anxiety that you may need to seek help with. That might just be talking things through with your husband/family/friends, or it might mean talking to your GP.

Who is being careless? Things like the staircase or throwing in the air are basic safety.
Being hit by another child... it shouldn't happen, but it does happen faster than an adult can stop it (presuming toddler, not an older child here!)

Mobile babies and toddlers will always get into scrapes but those examples sound like not very good care to me! Who’s been looking after her when these things have happened? Has it been the same person each time?

Mostly the baby's other parent :-( some things like being hit by the other child i was there but none of us were quick enough (a kind of when everyone is watching no one is watching moment). I'm constantly walking around moving small bits out the way or in the stair gate case, walking out the bedroom to see my baby leaning over the top step of stairs which go straight down onto tiles, I'll never get that image out of my head and what would have been if I hadn't had the thought to check the gate was shut after hearing my other half go downstairs and hearing the baby was still upstairs. I'm just constantly making things safe but get told I'm paranoid or controlling but I just feel like one day something awful will happen to my baby

Kids hitting each other is just one of those things you'll have to deal with over the years.

Leaving the stair gate open is not on and I'd be having serious words with my husband if he did that and then dismissed it.

But... don't have your stair gate at the top of the stairs. It's dangerous. Definitely move it somewhere else.

Stairgate placement sounds dangerous. What of they climbed it? I never had mine upstairs without being right with me or in the cot until they moved into a bed then I stairgated their room instead. So I’m probably more paranoid than you in that regard!

Kids hitting each other happens unfortunately. Toddlers are quick and unpredictable. Remove the metal object whatever it was from within reach. Everyone’s ok? Forget about it, move on.

The throwing sounds idiotic but hopefully DH has learned from the stupid accident.

No idea on the choking hazards since you haven’t specified what you’re referring to, how close it is to baby and the level of supervision.

It could be you, it’s definitely not normal to be constantly making things safe. Most of it you do once e.g. fit a stairgate or dedicate a high cupboard to the cleaning products, and it doesn’t take up a lot of head space beyond that and/or you do it on auto pilot like always cut up the grapes. Or you could be living with someone really reckless so that’s why you’re unusually on edge. From this post it’s really hard to tell if I’m being honest. How would you say you compare to friends?

DP not reckless, just incredibly absent minded :-/
Ah I hadn't even thought about the stairgate, eldest was never a climber so it was fine at the top of the stairs but baby is showing signs of being a climber so we might need to rethink that. Tbf I wouldn't leave the baby unsupervised upstairs either... there's a very sheer drop down if a child climbed over the bannister so we will need to keep a close eye. Baby isn't walking yet but top of the list is to properly baby proof top to toe as it'll be any day now.

Haven't got many other friends with babies to compare with, I do remember being incredibly anxious with eldest too and feeling incredible responsibility for keeping her safe- would freak out if near open water like a lake or somewhere with sheer drops esp as she was a runner but other people were more relaxed with her too