Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Sibling Sexual Abuse

9 replies

Hartley99 · 18/03/2024 17:46

There was an article in the Sunday Times that I can’t get out of my head. It was a report on sexual abuse between siblings. Apparently it’s far more common than we realise, it’s just that people never talk about it. (Campaigners refer to it as the ‘ick factor’.) Do you think that’s true? I mean that it’s far more common than we realise?

The article was several pages long and involved interviews with numerous survivors. What struck me was how ordinary the families were. You’d expect something like that to occur only in violent, abusive families - where the abusive child has been traumatised or damaged. But many of them seemed to be happy, loving families. Made me wonder it’s internet porn. Or is it that this has always gone on, but people never spoke about it? Several of the survivors had kept quiet for decades because they didn’t want to hurt their parents. Then they read something online and it opened the floodgates. It’s easy to forget what life was like pre-internet. Someone who’d been abused by her brother when she was a child would never have met a fellow survivor. And she’d never have found any information on such a subject, unless she searched the bookshops. Now at the flick of a switch you can talk to survivors from all over the world, and find limitless information.

OP posts:
Gloriosaford · 18/03/2024 17:52

I remember reading that Fred West was quite open about raping his sister, it was just what everyone does as far as he was concerned.
The perpetrators know that the victim will be too ashamed and humiliated, to speak out, and that if they do they wont be believed and/or will be urged to keep quiet in order to protect the reputation of the family.
They do it because they know they can get away with it.

Hartley99 · 18/03/2024 19:07

Gloriosaford · 18/03/2024 17:52

I remember reading that Fred West was quite open about raping his sister, it was just what everyone does as far as he was concerned.
The perpetrators know that the victim will be too ashamed and humiliated, to speak out, and that if they do they wont be believed and/or will be urged to keep quiet in order to protect the reputation of the family.
They do it because they know they can get away with it.

Fred and Rose West grew up in incredibly depraved and abusive families. So, though it’s hideous, it’s not shocking. What disturbed me about the article was the ordinariness of the families in which it occurred.

OP posts:
Superscientist · 18/03/2024 19:28

Child to child sexual abuse is more common that people realise to. My friends older brother was sexually abusive to both of us.

catmomma67 · 18/03/2024 19:32

i grew up in a family of 5 girls.. the older 3 were abused and groomed by an 'uncle'. one of thoe siblings was encouraged by said 'uncle' to groom and abuse me!

i think.. lots of sibling abuse gets swept under the carpet as 'experimenation'

MummySam2017 · 18/03/2024 19:36

I did a survivors workshop a few years back, and the facilitator spoke quite extensively about sibling abuse. Yes, it does happen, more often than it’s spoken about.

GreenTea70 · 18/03/2024 19:44

I kept quiet for 30 years before I told my parents about what my older brother did. My Dad said ‘it was just brothers and sisters fooling around’. I am now no contact with them. No one knows apart from my other brother and a few close friends of mine. I would like to read the article

Hartley99 · 18/03/2024 20:31

GreenTea70 · 18/03/2024 19:44

I kept quiet for 30 years before I told my parents about what my older brother did. My Dad said ‘it was just brothers and sisters fooling around’. I am now no contact with them. No one knows apart from my other brother and a few close friends of mine. I would like to read the article

That’s really sad. I’m so sorry. It must have been awful to carry such a burden for so many years. I believe there are websites, support forums, survivor groups, etc. I’m sure you find a lot of support if you did a bit of Googling. x

Somebody in the article had had just the same experience as you. When she finally told her parents, her father sided with her brother. Same thing happens when adult children are prosecuted for grooming underage girls online, or viewing child pornography. The family can’t deal it with and so minimise what happened - dismissing it as a mistake or trying to justify it somehow. Most people can’t deal with a loved one doing such things. I know I’d struggle. I could forgive my brother for stealing or taking drugs or cheating on his partner, but sexual abuse is different.

OP posts:
Thefutureisourownpath · 18/03/2024 20:37

GreenTea70 · 18/03/2024 19:44

I kept quiet for 30 years before I told my parents about what my older brother did. My Dad said ‘it was just brothers and sisters fooling around’. I am now no contact with them. No one knows apart from my other brother and a few close friends of mine. I would like to read the article

This happened to a friend of mine. Her elder brother abused her. Her parents didn’t want to ‘destroy the family’ and told her it was ‘kids experimenting’ - for a while she played along with their denial but then they wanted whole family christmases with son and daughter and their grandchildren. But she (understandably) could not cope at all with it and was very unwell emotionally and mentally as a results of seeing her abuser at these occasions.

She reported it to the police and it currently going through court process, son/ brother is married and has children and she’s been cut off from all of them. He is minimising it / denying it. Parents don’t want to discuss it. But actually she says she should have done it years ago and it’s highly therapeutic not to live as a lie anymore.

GreenTea70 · 18/03/2024 20:49

Yeah it’s been a journey. Unfortunately a few weeks after I told my secret the Saville stuff came out and I did spiral even more. I’ve had counselling in 2012 and that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. There was a Panorama programme I asked my Mum to watch about abuse and her response was there’s nothing she doesn’t already know about abuse and so she never watched it plus your fathers doesn’t want to watch that.
That really hurt.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page