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What would you have done?

5 replies

Jean24601Valjean · 18/03/2024 09:31

This is not the most momentous of challenges but it's causing me quite a headache. I've been doing a lot of work recently to be a calmer parent and I think I've made a lot of improvements. But certain things just press my buttons!

Yesterday I took our 2 DS (3.5 and 1.5) to an outdoor adventure play place. They both love playing with diggers so I took a bunch of them along and thought they could dig in the mud. Problem is, DS1 currently (for the last few weeks) has a thing about sand getting in his shoes. His solution to this, whenever he's playing in sand, is to not walk normally but to walk on his knees. And he was doing this yesterday as well, despite there not being any sand, just muddy ground. Now obviously I know I'm not to expect a totally logical approach to everything from a 3.5yo and usually I can work around things but for some reason whenever he does this it just gets me really worked up. He was on his knees. the entire time we were there. Even walking from the entrance to the main play area. When the centre was about to close, he decided he needed a wee, but he wouldn't walk to the toilet, he had to do this weird knee walk thing, which is obviously really slow. I told him we didn't have time to go for a wee before the place closed if he was going to go on his knees (the toilet was quite a walk away from where we were). He wouldn't stand up so I ended up just carrying him to our bike (as well as DS2) and going home with no wee. He did manage to wait until we got home but he got really upset and I was so stressed and grumpy about the whole thing that I've probably just reinforced his stress about sand and mud.

What would you have done in that situation? Can anyone suggest an approach they would use to helping him de-stress about sand in shoes? Playing with diggers is literally his favourite thing to do so we go to sandpits a lot.

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Yourethebeerthief · 18/03/2024 09:52

Oh my god kids find the maddest ways to wind you up 😂

I'd tell him once we were home that we can't go to anymore sand pits if he continues this. If it's only started in the past few weeks it sounds like he's building it up in his own head and got himself stuck thinking this is what he needs to do.

I wouldn't even address the knee crawling thing. I'd just say "I can see that going to sand pits upsets you at the moment. We'll go back to a sand pit another day when you're ready to walk in the sand again." Then I'd take a break for a couple of weeks or so and try again but tell him firmly beforehand that if he can't walk in the sand then we'll be going home.

If he loves it that much he'll get over it and go back to playing normally.

That's my approach, I don't like making a huge deal of these sorts of things. But if it doesn't work for you and your son there's good advice in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. You take him aside and ask him what's bothering him about the sand and write it down on a piece of paper for him: "the sand feels funny in my shoes" "I don't like sand on my socks" etc etc. Then together you come up with solutions: "never go to the sand pit again" (that'll be a no from him) "knee crawl forever more" (mummy doesn't agree to that one) "take shoes and socks off in the sandpit and then mummy can dust the sand off and help out shoes and socks back on afterwards". This one might be something you can both agree on. You get the idea.

Kids are totally bonkers.

givemushypeasachance · 18/03/2024 09:54

It's understandable that getting sand in your shoes feels uncomfortable - I don't like it happening and I'm often surprised the kids I'm around don't protest more when it happens to them as I hover safely outside the sandpit!

How about you take his shoes and socks off when he wants to go and play in sand? Like you probably would if you went on a beach. It's a totally different experience walking on sand in bare feet, nice to feel and you can brush most of it off before you put the shoes back on - maybe take spare socks with you.

Or if that isn't practical - switch to sandals for sandpit play, or crocs/jelly shoes or something like that which don't collect sand?

Jean24601Valjean · 18/03/2024 09:56

@Yourethebeerthief

That's really great advice thank you! I'm actually re-reading How To Talk now (I think when I read it previously he was a bit too young) and in the middle of everything yesterday I was just thinking "I bet there's something I've read in the book that would work great here" but my mind had gone completely blank!

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Jean24601Valjean · 18/03/2024 09:58

@givemushypeasachance Yeah that's definitely true. The thing is up until recently he'd be happy for me to take his shoes off and shake them out in that case but he's just got this thing in his head now that walking on his knees is the answer! I think when the weather is nicer I will definitely switch to sandals or bare feet....

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keenimo · 18/03/2024 15:03

My 2 yo does a knee walking thing. Generally I don't carry her as it escalates the situation, I just tell her she needs to walk standing up, and eventually she gets bored of it and starts walking normally.

When my older dc was that age we still carried a travel potty even though she'd been trained for ages, toilets are often too far away although your DS did well to hold it.

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