Challenging behaviour and isolation

[Lobsterp]

My only DC is 3 Y/O and I want to make sure I'm guiding him as I should be.

He is constantly arguing with me and DH. He gets very emotional. After going to nursery/preschool for over 2 years, he still cries at every drop off. Today we took him to an indoor play centre and he completely freaked out if we stepped away for a second and wouldn't engage with any children when they tried to play with him.

My concerns are that he is very clingy, jumps all over us, is aggressive and seems very scared of the world.

Any advice?

What do the nursery say?

They've always said he settles quite quickly though they often report mixed days of hitting/biting and then playing nicely with some children.

Well what nursery report is all completely normal. What are you worried about ? All children have different temperaments. Is this more about you or dh struggling to 'turn up' for these emotions? Are they triggering?

Remember that it takes two to argue, look into your communication patterns and see what you can do differently to avoid conflict.

If he's unhappy at nursery after all this time I'd be looking at alternative childcare provisions.

Why do you think he's so clingy? What's your current discipline routine like? Does he eat well? Sleep well? Does he have siblings?

I worry we cause these behaviours with our actions. I think we struggle just to let him 'be'. We're always filling our time with activities and don't allow him time alone playing. It just doesn't come naturally. I also worry that due to this, we're constantly exhausted which makes my DH quite snappy and lose his temper with him a lot. I don't want to be in a shouty household.

It's just disagreeing for the sake of it. E.g. 'we're going to see nanny later' (he loves his grandparents!) to him replying by jumping and screaming 'i don't like nanny.' Or, would you like a drink to which he shouts 'NO!' Then when i say ok he says 'can i have a drink please?'

With preschool, it's odd because I can see him trying not to smile when I drop him off. It's like the tears are put on. They always say he settles but this drop off is very stressful.

He's an only child. Eats ok in that he tries stuff but is quite picky. Sleeps extremely well. Usually he does all these things after having a mini tantrum.

I think the clinginess comes from us being at his beck and call? I'm not sure really. I know I was a clingy child too.

OP I implore you to read 'the book I wish my parents had read...'

I'm actually reading this at the moment. I've got to the section about mental health. So far it's very supportive of a gentle parenting style and I wonder if I've leant too hard into this style already?

I wouldn't say that book preaches a particular style? Other than perhaps a more conscious parenting.

I feel like I write this comment on almost every thread but I'd recommend how to talk so little kids will listen and calmer, happier, easier parenting/boys. Both were so helpful in structuring how I communicate with my children and have created a far more amicable and cooperative household. I liked the book you wish your parents had read but felt like it was more soothing for my own traumatised inner child (which in turn did help me as a parent), whereas the other two gave me a toolkit for parenting my own children.

They're also available as audiobooks, which my DH prefers so means that he also engaged with the process. Feels easier when you're being a team.