Drowning trying to parent baby and 3yo

[Thenewone]

2 DC. 3.5 year old and 8 month old.

I am drowning.

I feel they tag team difficulty by day/night. The 3 yo is so demanding and high maintenance. Everything is a struggle. Responds well to playful, fair, firm parenting but it’s so hard to be like this 12 hours a day and not resort to shouting/threats/punishment when I’ve been up all night with the baby. The baby has started moving and the 3yo has gone from doting on him to screeching at him. As mentioned, baby just does not sleep unless Velcrod to me/my boobs all night. Sleep training works for a bit but always unravels. Has developed severe separation anxiety so just cries all day/night unless being held.

I’m so exhausted and feel like I’ve ruined my life. I can’t wait to go back to work but equally I’m dreading trying to work and keep all the plates spinning while I’m this tired. 3 yo in pre school 3 days. It makes the day easier but even the school run in the rain/cold with a baby is torture.

DH works full time but is very present at weekends. He was working this weekend randomly and I just want to cry as it’s been so hard.

I don’t even want to ask if it gets better. I don’t know what I want to be honest. A long break really without the guilt of having these wonderful kids but struggling with them so much and being such a crap parent.

I feel you, really. Mine are now 10 and 8 but I can remember those early days and I found it pretty hellish. It is unbelievably hard. Do you have any other support around you? Also, have you heard of the charity Homestart? They can send someone for a couple of hours a week (sometimes more) to listen and/or just help with practicalities. I volunteer for them and the mums often say just having some listen and validate them helps.

I used to make sure I got out every morning to some kind of church hall/baby group/anything simply to let my toddler play while I had a crappy cup of coffee and chat to other grown ups. I don’t know if you already do that, or whether it’s something you could try?

sending hugs, it’s harder than many could ever know x

Sounds like this weekend has pushed you off the tightrope. You just about balance with your H around at weekends to do his share. This weekend doing it all when psychologically you should be getting some downtime must have pushed you too far.

What can you do this week to try and build back up some mental energy? Do you have stuff you can cancel and have a tV day (if 3yo will tolerate it) ? Can you hunker down effectively this week or a couple of days?
I wont suggest asking for help from someone as I assume you'd be doing that if it was an option.

I've been where you are with similar age gap and it nearly took me out.

Good luck

I really feel what you’re saying @Thenewone . I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. I have figured out that it’s the overstimulation of all the senses. There’s always noise, there’s always touching (baby breastfeeds a lot), really shitty sleep, a toddler trying to be independent but often at the most inconvenient times! I know this sounds awful but I’ve sort of decided that sometimes on the weekend we don’t all have to do things as a family. Like I will say to my husband to just take toddler out or park etc. I do join sometimes but other times I don’t. That helps a bit.
the other thing is I get up earlier than everyone and have 45mins an hour to myself.
and the one that helps the most is I go for a walk , my baby sleeps better in the pram so that helps.

it still means I feel quite overwhelmed and exhausted so I wouldn’t say it’s a magical solution but it’s better.
the other thing I’ve been doing is some gentle sleep training for baby and it’s really helped to get time back and space back as I was done with co sleeping.

I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and there is no magic. But when you’re having these days where it’s all too much you have to lean on your partner. Ask if he can have an afternoon off work and just be there for you to lean on