What do you do when your child says they're bored

[Kalodi]

Finding ourselves having one of these difficult days, haven't had one in ages, where DS1 is just rolling around crying he is so bored he is in pain.

For context and to avoid drip feeding, he is 7 and is autistic with 2 younger siblings (who are both happily doing their own things).

Just wondered what others do in this situation? As I am struggling.

I say "only boring people are bored" and give them three solo non-messy options to choose from, repeat ad nauseam. One option was always Lego, the second was to read a book, and the third would vary eg drawing, play with the dog in the garden, etc.

@Xiaoxiong I say exactly the same thing, and was coming on to say exactly that!

Tell them to go and find something to do then or help me clean 🤷‍♀️ soon decide they aren't actually bored and yes two of mine are autistic

Thirding the above.

It's then followed up with "sounds like a you problem then" if they tell me they don't like any of the options I've given them.

Take them all out for a nice hot chocolate somewhere, it is the weekend, they deserve some little fun

Okay that does make me feel better as that's my go to motto too (remember my mum saying 😅).

I have given him various options and have even attempted to sit down with him to do something but everything's been met by this screaming "it's boring"

I guess I just have to sit here and wait for it to pass. Can't leave him in a different room as he self harms

Mine always used to help me with housework. They quite enjoyed it, it got done quicker and then I was free to play a game with them. Oh and also, of course, they started learning life skills. Win win.

Stick some music on and get busy.

How capable is he with his asd? As in, can he entertain himself, does he need extra guidance, has he had enough sensory input/ too much sensory input over the last few days? Going against the grain, I'd be led by my child in this situation and not expect them to entertain themselves, if he is saying he is so bored it hurts it sounds like he hasnt had enough high energy sensory input and needs maybe to be turned into a sausage roll in a blanket/ some "heavy work" like moving light furniture/ digging in the garden/ something that gives him sensory feedback rather than sitting down activities. Jumping off the sofa onto sofa cushions is another one we do, or we have a wobble board which can be a slide off the sofa/ a rocking bed/ stand up and rock on etc.

Mine never said this. I don't know why not.

Excellent. Before you hoover your room, can you check your floor’s clear? What music would you like on to help you? What a brilliant helper you are! Thank you!

result is either
a clear floor and practice on the hoover
or
child finds books/toys as they clear floor and get caught up with playing/reading.

I say it’s good to be bored. And remind them they have toys and books all over the house.

I used to say “you don’t know what bored is”

If he's autistic I would leave something you think he might like to play with somewhere he can see it for a couple of days before. He might take the hint.

Hi Op,
I have an 8 yr old with asowrgers type autism. She doesn't often say she's bored but if she's not settling to anything and restless/irritated and looking for attention it usually means she needs some connection from me. In this situation I'd do something with him for a set time that will help reconnect (let him choose) but make it clear that after that time is doing your own thing time. You could try asking him if he needs you to get anything from the cupboard/toy box or whatever but then leave him to it. Mine often likes to 'clean the windows' with a scoosher bottle and then will wander off to something she's thought of.
If the whining doesn't cease I'd just carry on with what you're doing but be empathetic to him that it must be rubbish feeling like that I hope you can find something to do that makes you feel better. But don't pander. If you've made room for connection and empathy and offered help that's it. You don't need to worry about fixing it for him.

He needs guidance most of the time @DinosaurOfFire And I think a lot of it is him suddenly realising that stories aren't real. We had tears last week about how pointless cartoons and story books are because none of them are real.

We do have a fantastic living room set up with a play sofa, swings and climbing stuff which I was attempting to get him to do with me with an obstacle course but no luck.

DH is currently running a bath, that's the usual thing that helps regulate him. He's been saying no to it all morning but perhaps once it's there with a nice drink and all the bubbles he will change his mind 🤞

Pots and a tennis ball, you have to throw the ball into the pot. Jumping from square to square on tiles, a movie, build a fort, ball rolling championships, pick a book/ comic and copy a picture from it. I say this while being a hypocrite as my kids are all on screens as they helped me clean the hot press this morning 😅

I used to get them to write some 'things to do' on small pieces of paper fold them up and put in a 'hat' and then they get to pick out what they're going to do. A mix of simple things and more tricky things, like 'make a treasure hunt', 'do some colouring', 'make a pizza', 'watch a film', 'tidy my room' etc. It worked to some extent!l!

DD1 was always saying she was bored, DD2 was far more content. Some kids are just harder work, it's very draining for the parent(s).

When they used to say this I’d ask them what they wanted to do and they usually said they wanted to play a game with me so we’d play a game.
They’re mostly big now, ds is the youngest at 12 and he doesn’t really say it now but he will sort of wander about aimlessly and I ask him what he wants to do - he just needs a bit of company sometimes or some direction of what to do.
He still likes playing games with me 😂
If I don’t feel like playing I suggest homework and he will get on with it. I try not to encourage too much screen time as I’ve seen the damage too much can have on some dc so while he’s happy playing that’s okay but if he’s actively telling me he’s bored of doing it I will try and engage him in something else for a bit.

I said what my parents said to me. Two things..

From boredom comes the freedom to make up your own game.
Einstein was bored before he thought up something interesting for himself to do.

And then I gave them a glass of water and suggested they..

• go outside and find something to do if they keep moaning.
• find small jobs that need doing like cleaning the bathroom sink, pairing the socks. peeling the vegetables, washing windows, polishing the cutlery, cleaning out leaves from the gutters or sweeping.
• go to their room and have a rest before reading a book.

My kids usually chose to go outside, for hours.

Take them cycling or into the town centre, or for a walk on the common, or tell them they are cooking supper, so start planning. 😀

Or offer them £20 to wash my car. Mine's older than yours.

Well the bath has helped 🤞 hopefully back on track now!

A lot of the replies are not likely to be appropriate for a child with ASD if him saying he's bored is actually communicating a need...eg simply saying "you don't know what bored is" might lead to a lot of intense anxiety about understanding the meaning in a very literal sense.

I would continue to be guided by your understanding of unmet need. You did great today.

He sounds like he needs stimulation, take him out, let him run around in the fresh air.

Start building a list of things you already do and new things
then you can refer to it for ideas

This. Have you been outside today?