Newly separated dad not respecting children’s routine

[RalphieJ]

Newly separated
dad is living in the family home his days off and having the children.
he is palming them off on family members so not actually having them himself, but also splitting them up!!
we agreed where they can they will stay together
also if he goes out with them he’s bringing them back way past their bedtime. Youngest is 18 months
where do I stand to tell him this isn’t in the kids best interests and also it only suits himself

You need a court order, giving you first right of refusal if they are not specifically with him, which will stop him palming then off on others separately or together.

Ultimately there's not a lot you can do. You can't dictate how he parents on his time. Courts will rarely get involved in bedtimes a s routines.

If you went to court then you’d be told that it’s ok for him to have others look after them because he can use the argument that the kids are spending time with their extended family. If the people looking after the kids can’t look after them both together eg they are elderly then it’s best that they look after one rather than both kids for safety reasons.

Dropping them off late is a bigger problem because it must be screwing up their sleep schedule. Have you considered picking them up ?

Whwre are you living?
It s early days
Give it a few weeks
It is fine for him and you to engage other people to take care of the kids whdn you in charge.

You dont want him dictating how you spend your time when in charge eg you can engage a baby sitter so you can get a haircut or go out , without asking his permission . So he can arrange his time and their care.

where do I stand to tell him this isn’t in the kids best interests and also it only suits himself

.... in your opinion

Lots of families don't follow 'routines'.
Lots of families are flexible when there are other things going on that day.
Lots of people really understand the value of some 1:1 time with adults away from siblings,
Lots of people think it is a real plus to have strong relationships with extended family and friends.

In essence, you don't 'stand' anywhere.

When you are caring for them, you do what suits you best, and when it is his time, he does what suits him best.
Neither of you can dictate to the other a particular way to parent.

Likely a judge will deem it different parenting styles.. When my 2 were sleeping on a lounge chair together while exh got pissed with his mates.. Then walked dc through the village to sleep at his dps at fuck knows what time.. .. Vile fucking creature..

You can’t dictate how he parents.
if they’re safe and well and he’s not putting them in harms way then you don’t stand anywhere. I’m assuming you wouldn’t want him dictating to you how to parent?