5 week old wants to be held 24/7

[MissL21]

Please help, I feel like I'm losing my mind!

Myself and DP have recently had our 2nd DS, we already have a 2 year old DS.
I'm struggling to know how to manage both of them on my own majority of the time as dP works 5/6 days a week, DS2 will not let me put him down at all, he wants to be physically held 24/7, I totally understand that he's 5 weeks old, wants Mummy etc but, I can't lay him in his cot/moses basket/bouncer/play mat for 5 minutes max. Before he goes absolutely ballistic, I'm talking what I can only describe as sounding like Woody the Woodpecker hysterical crying, the second I pick him up, he stops instantly, like a switch. I don't know what to do, I can't go to the toilet, shower, make a cup of tea, pump... I've tried a sling, he wasn't keen.
DS1 didn't take to him straight away either, I thought this may be the case and would get better but I feel the fact DS2 is always on me isn't helping DS1 to warm to him. I'm trying to be inclusive of DS1 in the care of DS2 and trying my hardest to be mindful of not using DS2 as an excuse as to why I can't do things with DS1 but I feel so guilty and like a rubbish Mum.
DS2 won't sleep at night unless he's physically touching me, we have a next2me crib, I've tried him in there with my hand on him, but that's not enough, he has to be pushed up to me, with his nose on my chest, I can't physically sleep properly like this as I'm so paranoid I'll roll onto him so I am absolutely exhausted.
He also feeds like an actual warthog, which weirdly isn't all the time so I don't think there's anything actually wrong? It seems to be more common at night? I have no idea why and have no idea how to make this any better.
I'm pumping and using formula, we had issues with breastfeeding a couple weeks back as DS developed oral thrush and I then developed thrush of the nipple (didn't even know this was a thing) hence the pumping. But this hs eased the feeding load as DP can also help.

Please be kind and help a frazzled Mum that has absolutely no idea how to navigate this. I feel like I just can't win atm.

Rolling with it is the only thing you can do, tbh. Cosleep safely, use a sling. Pace or jiggle about with baby in sling and they will probably settle quite quickly.

Have you tried fully swaddling? When you hold him, does he prefer being upright chest to chest, or more cradled? If its upright, maybe there is a reflux issue?

He’s 5 weeks it will get better, as a mum of 4 I know how hard it can be. My ex is police so when our youngest was born he changed on to 7 on 2 off shifts. I’m still not 100% sure how I managed 4 inc a newborn on my own but I did use a sling with him, one he could feed in and one that meant he felt close to me but I could still play with siblings, cook Etc sling library’s are great to try some out and find one you like. White noise also helped soothe him.

also be kind to yourself, accept the house won’t be spotless and things aren’t what you’d normally like them to be, take some time when dp is there to look after yourself/do something for yourself. Also do something with your other child even if it’s 15/20 mins play you don’t need to go out. Enlist help from grandparents/friends if you can too.
hope things get easier, you’re not alone, I always say at this stage the days are long but the years are fast it’s tough x

@SeaToSki we tried swaddling during the first week, he didn't like it at all unfortunately. I may try him again though.
He's not overly fussed which way up he is when being held, just as long as he's in someone's arms.

@Shopper727 oh my days you must have been exhausted!? I've never heard of a sling library, but will look into it and see if there are any I could get to. Thank you.
Ah, it really is so tough, I naively didn't realise just how hard going to 2 would be! But hey ho, here we are!

If you were that tiny and vulnerable you would probably want to be carried everywhere too

Have some patience with the mess and shower even if they have to cry for a moment, they’ll live.

You will get through this, it’s very temporary

Sometimes they don't take to a sling straight away but will if you persevere a bit. I'd try putting them in the sling and then going straight out for a walk with the 2 year old to get them used to it. Hopefully the weather is ok where you are.

My daughter was like this cried 16+h a day in my arms 23h a day. For her it was due to silent reflux and lots of food allergies. Within a few days of going dairy and soya free she could be sometimes put down and got lots better once the top 5 or 6 if her allergens were identified. She has 20 in total!