Four year refusing food

[birdglasspen2]

I don't know how to help my DS. He ate fine up to around 2 years old. He's got worse and worse since then. We are now at a point where he finds excuses not to eat (his little brother coughed at the table/everything smells bad/he can see mayonnaise on someones plate/he's tired....it goes on and on.)

Up until Christmas he pooed regularly about every 2 days and it would come really FAST!

Now he's constipated which is making everything worse. He says he feels sick, sometimes he does bring up a little food. He won't eat breakfast or dinner at all most days.

I know what food is good for him and what isn't, I know his diet is awful as he refuses to eat most things.

"Safe foods" are becoming less and less, no egg, no sausage, whether he eats is hit our miss and it's never a good amount.

He complains of being hungry, back aches, legs ache, cramp, tired etc.

He refuses the constipation medicine. I can hide little bits in drinks but I can't get enough in to clear him out which he needs.

And worse of all I can't cope, I get so upset and angry and I know that doesn't help...I just feel so utterly hopeless.

I have a 7 year old who eats fine and a 2.5 yr old who eats well.

I've tried refusing food at bedtime when he decides he's hungry, it makes no difference, he falls asleep, he sleeps all night he wakes up and won't eat breakfast. If he does get food it's a banana and milk.

There are no SEN issues.

I don't know what to do, I need help staying calm and knowing what and when to offer him. Generally we have 3 meals a day, we sit at the table and there is about 70% home cooked food. He enjoys helping to cook but he won't eat what he makes.

What has the doctor said op? How's his weight and height? Is he dropping lines in his red book?
Does he go to nursery? How does he eat there or for others?

Id take the line of least resistance and make sure half his plate at least is foods he'll eat. What can you consistently get him to eat?

There are no SEN issues

Are you very sure about that @birdglasspen2 because it sounds very much like he may have ARFID

I've tried refusing food at bedtime when he decides he's hungry Stop doing this immediately - if he will eat in the evening let him. Never withhold food from a hungry child.

How strict are you around food generally?

When I say refusing he will have been offered a dinner (he can eat) and 1.5 hours later at bedtime he will say he’s hungry. He will have been told he can decide to eat his dinner or not but there is nothing afterwards. It feels like if I give in then he will never bother with dinner if he knows he can get banana and milk later. He’d refuse banana at any other time of day. I don’t think I am strict, I’m not too bothered by what my older son eats because he eats 3 meals a day and is willing to try new foods. I don’t keep cupboards full of “snack” food. But I do buy it (it disappears quickly).

Or he’s fussy and it’s his way of controlling something….i don’t know. I was fussy as a child. I’m not in the slightest now. I don’t have any other concerns about him in terms of what Arfid can be linked too….

Could it possibly be coeliac disease? Is he particularly tired as well, trouble concentrating etc.? That would cause both the pain and the bowel issues.

It sounds like he's way beyond being fussy. You need to see a doctor and re-evaluate your views on whether he is NT or not.

What foods will he eat?

What has the GP said?
My Grandaughter was the same.. now she's been diagnosed ceoliac.

So far we’ve only had medicine for constipation from the Dr. I will take him this week. When he started nursery he was on school lunches but the staff asked he bring a packed lunch as they worried he wasn’t eating. The only time now he had school lunch is when it’s fish and chips. I never put out a dinner he wouldn’t touch without at least bread, garlic bread on side. Sometimes he has porridge or cereal. He is getting worse though and refusing foods he has eaten happily.

Hes a tall boy, I think he looks skinny and pale. He had his pre school check he will be 5 this May and HV was happy with his growth.

I haven’t thought of this, will bring it up with Dr. I see itchiness can be a symptom which he does get.

I really don’t think he has sen, I can see my older son struggling with certain things, he may be on the cusp but I just don’t see it with middle DS.
He eats porridge, cheerios, chocolate spread, jam, cheese, scrambled egg, mackerel pate, one brand of pesto pasta (this is the only thing with a “sauce” he would eat.) fish fingers (mostly the batter and tiny amount of fish) it’s all becoming more and more hit and miss though. Fruit wise he takes watermelon and apple and banana.

My son is 4 and exactly like this.

I have now paid to get help from a private dietician.

Two dieticians have said he's extremely neophobic, due to food allergies..... causing him to be very cautious of what he eats.

I'm not sure, but we are going with a non pressure, lots of food exposure, help with meal prep etc and I'm seeing tiny changes.

It does affect his growth, he is tiny and sickly and I'm mega stressed with it. We have a paediatric appointment coming up and I think I'm going to request coeliac bloods 😞 if they don't suggest anything.

I feel for you

I think liquids are very important if there is constipation, will he take any sort of soup or juice? And does texture come into it eg clear or thickened? Can he swallow okay?

He sounds like my three year old, it's so incredibly stressful.

He can swallow fine. He won’t eat any soups, homemade smoothies have helped but again it’s hit or miss if he will take them.

That sounds tough. I’m going to try and weigh my son today and will ask the Dr about celiac tests. It’s so hard to see them like this. Food is one of my favorite things, I know how stubborn children can be over eating things once they decide they don’t like it, or refuse it because a sibling likes it, it’s hard to navigate through this and know when it’s more than just fussiness!