working 37 hours + toddler

[workingmama111]

I am currently doing 15 hours per week and as someone who wants to build some sort of stable career I am looking for a new job that offers more hours and better pay.

I had an offer come in for a full time (37 hours flexible role) working for council and I think it would be amazing for me as an individual.. now I am worried about my little one. It could be the fact that I've been with her since the day she was born.

As I mentioned before the hours are flexible between the hours 8am to 6pm and it's a hybrid role. I was thinking doing 8-4 and then still spending time with my little one in the evenings.

Me and her dad are separated so we would be sharing her every other weekend. My current partner is happy to continue to share the chores around the house + cooking.

Now I don't know what I am asking for. But could any mothers share their experience and a word of encouragement that I wouldn't be a horrible mum for starting a full time role?

My daughter will be 3 in May (I'm 26 had my daughter as soon as I graduated). I am thorn between spending this precious time with her and building a career for the future. It's been quite a change to find a new role as well.

Thanks mamas!

I’ve just gone back to work full time after having my second - ours are 10 months and 2 years 4 months, and both are in full-time nursery.

I do know a handful of stay at home parents, or mums who work part time, but the vast majority of mums I know went back to work full-time after a year or so of mat leave.

I appreciate that different patterns are normal amongst different groups of people, but just to reassure you that it’s not an unusual thing to work full-time with very young children - and it certainly doesn’t make us horrible parents, thanks!

In a sense I don’t have a choice because we need the money I bring in. But I’m actually very pleased to be able to work full-time. I enjoy my job and I’m ambitious for my career. I want to do interesting work and earn good money, particularly as our children get older and we will want to do more expensive activities. Obviously I miss my children, it’s a juggle and can be stressful. I always wish there were more hours for everything. But I feel I’m setting a good example and good foundations for my children by doing this, and I’m a more engaged and imaginative parent mornings, evenings and weekends precisely because I also have the time to be me as a professional.

Good luck with whatever you decide - I’m sure you’re a wonderful mum.

You and the childs dad both have a responsibility - so share the looking after the baby and decide who goes part-time.

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator I can only be responsible for my part as an individual. As far as I know part time is not an option for him.

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I that case, its part time for you.

Eh, why?

Plenty of people have both parents working full time, especially if they can work flexible hours or WFH some of the time.

It's just a question of whether it works for the OP and her child... Can you find childcare that covers those hours? Do you think you will enjoy the role or find it stressful and be miserable? (hard to tell of course!)

Er, why not?

It takes 2 to have a child.
The OH does not want to go PT as advised by OP
FYI, I'm not going to look after their child and that is a fact.

Perhaps, you have a solution???

My OH wanted a 4th child and I said, you have the 4th one, not me.

We saved for a house before we got married, then we saved to have the first child, then same again for the second and more-so for the 3rd as then we needed a 4 bedroom house.

TBH, I did not want to work once we have our children and it would have not made econsmoinalc sense to have child care as not free child care was around - but our parents said they would step in if asked. So what we did as they were our age at the time, we left the kids with them at times for several hours on the weekends as they really wanted that. Work wise, one of worked pt as home work was rare and the other had flexi hours. So when the OH got home, I went out to work and we did this for a good 7/8 years. It was hard but we had no real choice and did not want to lean on the help offered but only use the help when really required.

Perhaps, you can advise re your solution

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator in all honesty I am quite confused by your post.

OP obviously doesn't have to go full time if she doesn't want to. If she does want to, then she can use a nursery or childminder or family, if these options are available.

The point is that if she can figure out the child care then she doesn't have to stay part time, and working full time will not make her a horrible mother.

am I really fucking tired or is this nonsense to other people too?

I have a nearly 2 year old and I work full time as does my husband. Yes I'd like to work part time but we can't afford it. Life is unexpected and we never know what life will throw us such as cost of living, mortgage hikes that many of us don't have the option of of going part time or staying at home. It doesn't make us bad mums, we are going out to provide for our children.

You sound a lovely caring mum and whether you are at work or at home your daughter will know you love her. My auntie went back to work full time when my cousin was 3 months old (maternity leave was different then and she was the main wage earner). My mum stayed at home with me. We are the same age and there is absolutely no difference in our attachments to our mums or how it made a difference to our upbringings, if anything my cousin has always been closer to her mum!

This article as well made me feel less guilty as well about working https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/06/15/health/alloparenting-multiple-caregivers-raising-kids-wellness/index.html

I work full time and so does my husband. We both work longer hours than you. Do you think I’m a terrible mother or my husband is a terrible father?

Working for a council is often seen as a job for life so if you can manage the childcare then I would honestly go for it. It will be hard in the short term but long term it could be a good career move. Your dc will be fine and many of us have gone back full time at that age. The flexibility they are offering is also good re hours.