Why do I not want a second child???

[Jadeleigh2021]

Hi all

Please no negative or hurtful comments on this one.

I just don’t want another child!!!!

Backstory -
i am an only child myself to a single parent household. Always loved being an only child as I got everything i wanted and more. I’ve traveled the world and my mum always overcompensated on the materialistic things so i was always kitted out with the best of the best. I never had to share my mum and I have always been fortunate to have my mums undivided attention being the only child in the house.

However, now I am older and have my own child I notice the lack of familial support around me which comes with having no brothers or sisters. My child has no aunties or uncles on their maternal side and as such I have no brother or sister to lean on or be supported by. I am essentially on my own and I am very aware of this. Although I hate to admit it, not having siblings might have been a blessing when i was younger, it is now a curse as my support network is limited.

I currently have one child, a son who is three years old. He is the most amazing child and I am truly blessed to have such a caring, beautiful, well mannered and clever little boy. His father isn’t involved in our life; through Court Order.

I am in a new relationship and have been for two years. He would like to have at least one child of his own if not two. His ideal number would be three children however as he treats my son as his own (and visa verse, my son sees him as a father figure, although calls him by his actual name he would be content with one or two more children.

I just don’t want anymore children!!!!!! I have told my partner this and he is accepting of it but i just want to know why i feel like this!!!

I know the fact I had an awful birth with both me and my son nearly dying will not help. I am still dealing with the after effects of that birth now. I also have PCOS, and the ultrasound of my reproductive system shows I have a very slim if not 0 chance of getting pregnant. But I always imagined I would have multiple children however now it has come down to it I’m just not keen at all????

Please help!!!

Hey op

I had a traumatic emergency c section and we both nearly died...and I would say it did factor into my desire for a second (spoiler alert I had a second). I love baby number 2 but parenting two little kids is quite tough (and lovely, and annoying, and cute, and stressful)

I think I would say look at some trauma support (I have just started counselling for my birth experiences) almost as a separate issue. You deserve healing from what you went through regardless of how many babies you want or if your family is complete.

But it's time for some difficult but honest conversations with your partner? What is his priority - to have babies? To be with you? My tone there is not bitchy or sarcastic I just think you need that straight up boundary talk. Here is what I want. Here is what you want.

Hope I've understood your post correctly and good luck xx

You don't have to. I have a brother and he's worse than useless. Having sibling is no guarantee of anything. I have nice cousins. And friends.

DD is an only and she likes it. So do I. She can build a network of friends as she grows.

I have a baby and two siblings who are giving absolutely no support whatsoever. It's really not a guarantee that they'd help each other as adults so my opinion is that you should do what's best for you and your child now rather than what might (or might not) be best when your child is an adult.

It might be worth getting some support to work through your traumatic birth though in case that is what's holding you back?

I think you've already written enough explanation within your original post to answer your own question.

I've always thought having more children purely because you want to give an only child a sibling is a very bad idea, for a multitude of reasons. The entire process of having a child is fundamentally unpredictable and there are lots of things that can and do occur at every stage that can be permanently life changing for all involved.

Add that to the fact that there is absolutely no guarantee that they will get on as younger or older children, or be significantly involved in each others' lives beyond childhood, and it doesn't really make a great deal of sense.

I've got two siblings. We have always had a very amicable adult relationship but neither adds to my "support network" in any way, despite one of them living nearby. I've had far more emotional and practical support from close friends throughout my adult life than my siblings.

My DP has one sibling, who now lives on the other side of the world, and hasn't returned for any major family events for the last 5-6 years.

My observation is also the burden of caring for aging parents has a tendancy to fall upon only one of the children more often than not - either due to logistics or simply (unreasonably) falling on "the caring daughter" within the family.