3 year old tantrums- is this normal?

[Iwelumo11]

Our boy is nearly 3 and a half and just recently his tantrums have been on another level. He has resorted to hitting, scratching and throwing things at me, his dad and baby sister.

today he was at pre-school and was making himself sick and banging his head on the table so I had to collect him.

i know children go through different stages of development and phases of bad behaviour but I sometime feel this can’t be normal. We’ve made a huge effort to praise good and not give attention to the bad since this started and spend lots of one on one time with him as we wanted to make sure it wasn’t attention seeking with his sister around but that doesn’t seem to have changed much.

any help or support is be very grateful xx

It was for my boy, he had lots of language but it was his emotional regulation he struggled with, rather than communication. He's still not great at nearly 5 and we are starting to suspect ASD because he is still doing full on meltdowns of lying on the floor screaming in supermarkets.

very much solidarity! I was just coming on to post this about my 3yo - he is a lovely, gentle little boy but when he gets angry it’s like nobody can reach him - he kicks, screams, bites, throws - he’s very good at expressing his feelings but all the words in the world don’t help him when he’s like that. It seems to be always after nursery that it’s worse. We also have adhd in the family so I’m not discounting that.

I’m sorry I’m not offering any help but just so you know you’re not alone - all the deep breathing and cuddles in the world can’t help and I’d love to teach him how to manage his anger as there’s such a responsibility with boys I find. If he learns to repress his anger it’ll come out in other ways as he’s older, and if he doesn’t and carries on kicking stuff when he’s angry, that’s not what you want either!

Thank you @Wenttomowameadow and @Millypad. It sounds like you both have had or are having similar experiences, it’s bloody hard isn’t it.

our boy is also a gentle and kind little boy, outside of these tantrums. He’s shy, doesn’t like to interact with other children too much and is very happy in his own company. Starting pre school I thought would be good but he seems to be struggling.

i spoke to the health visitor last week and she advised to try focusing on all the good, lots of cuddles, lots of one on one time, and try to stop the tantrum before it explodes. That has worked at points but not all the time.

somehow you feel like you’re failing as a parent which to me is the hardest part, I just want to magically fix him, but I know that’s naive and impossible. A good nights sleep and we go again tomorrow

We have tried the acknowledge feelings, state the problem, find a solution method but it typically goes "I know you must feel really frustrated and angry, but the problem is you can't paint the walls with golden syrup and then chuck flour at it because it makes me sad that I have to clean it all and it makes daddy sad because it ruins the paint, how about we think of ways to use the syrup and flour to do other things like bake?"

This results in 20 mins of screaming followed by the washing machine buttons being filled with golden syrup.

Don't underestimate tiredness and hunger. Especially after preschool. They'll hold it all in all day and then see you and all their efforts explodes because they trust you. So it's lovely. But it's also massively shit.

@Wenttomowameadow - your message is like spot on. Also find im trying to be rational with him meanwhile he’s picking his nose and wiping it on his younger sister and ignoring anything im saying.

i also wonder if i need to really nail his routine. He’s always been so chill and fantastic at sleeping so we’ve always been flexible with bed time.