Boys 🩵

[funkmonke]

I’m due a boy after a daughter. I’m very nervous I won’t be connect in the same way I do with my daughter as he gets older (8 years plus)

Can anyone share their experiences of being mum’s to older sons?

Thanks 🩵

How old is your daughter?
I've got no daughter to compare it with but I have a 15yo son. No we don't connect the way we did when he was little but from what I've heard from friends with daughters it's teenage years that does that, not being a boy. I have to work harder to try to connect with him, because he's very 'typical boy' in his interests and I'm not! But I play a game of darts with him, or take him to nandos, or watch him play his football matches. It could be just the same with a girl if she was into things I'm not.

Why? I don’t understand exactly what your concern is?

I grew upbeing abused by boys/males, so comepltely was petrified having a boy. Even now, I'm terrified by what he's going to learn/pick upfrpm older boys when he starts secondary (I remember being 7 and the local boys telling us girls what jizz/orgasmamas/hand jobs/blows etc were. We were 7, for fuckssucks. and these boys already knew about wanking and that. I am prejudiced, I amit, by the fsct he's aby.

Just that I won’t be able to connect with him as I struggle to connect with boys and men in general.

Yes I don’t have any positive male role models in my family at all either. And teen boys gross me out if I am truly honest. I don’t know why.

Surely you are ignoring the fact that this will be your child?! We all feel completely different about our own kids, we aren’t supposed to feel the same about other people’s kids. I’m sorry but if you’ve had one child you know that you form your relationship with that child and nuture that relationship. I’m baffled by the the idea of “oh I don’t really like men or boys so I might not like my own child”. Random men and boys are not grown in your womb and are not a biological part of you.

And as for “teenage boys gross me out” 🙄🙄

I have 17 and 19 year old sons. They are just absolutely awesome. I don't have my mum anymore, she died when my ds’s were very young but I have the same kind of laughs with my boys as I had with my mum. The connection is really the same. So, personally I don't think it makes any difference. Enjoy!

It’s not that I won’t ‘like’ him. I’m just worried he won’t like me and we won’t bond in same with I do with my girl, as I struggle with boys/men.

I have an 8 year old son. He is wonderful . Absolutely hilarious, kind, thoughtful, helpful, intresting. I love spending time with him. The majority of his mates are like this too so it’s not just him. I have two daughters too and he is so much calmer and easy going than his sisters. Boys rock. Congratulations op!

My MIL had 4 boys and they all love each other. She is loving and caring to them and they all have great relationships.

I'm female and haven't seen my own mother in over a decade as she was shit!

I am always fascinated to know how all the man haters on Mumsnet ever get pregnant if they believe ALL men and boys are bad

I have 3 sons, they are decent, hardworking, kind, and 2 of them have wonderful girlfriends who they treat well. I see them all the time, they are late teens/ early 20s

Given the demonisation of boys displayed in this country is it any surprise suicide is the biggest killer of young men

My sister is a mum of 3 boys aged 15-30. Her oldest is a real mums boy. He calls her often, they don't live near to one another as theres not much work where she is but he visits her all the time and she him. They're planning a big family Christmas this year and he always makes sure to rally the others for celebrations. The middle one is slightly less like that, with anyone, but her youngest is just as affectionate. So it can happen!

My boy is 17 now and it’s true we don’t connect the same as when he was little, but that’s partly because we have different personalities and he’s more on his Dad’s wavelength. But he’s caring and empathetic whilst also utterly logical and straightforward - a good combination I think! He can express emotion but doesn’t get bogged down in over thinking as I did when I was a teenage girl. And I get the best teenage boy hugs.

Honestly OP, it’s all good. You’re probably his biggest influence so if you put the time in to connect with him and understand who he really is as he grows into his own person, you’ll both be fine.

I have 4 sons. I found it very easy to bond with them. For a sweeping generalisation (obviously plenty of exceptions exist): As toddlers, boys are often more chaotic/less likely to understand things than girls. From about 9 years old, they are a lot more affectionate and less complicated than girls.

I think it’ll be ok because he’s yours if you know what I mean. He will probably end up a lot like your daughter. My brother and I are very similar with similar personalities and the same relationship to our mother (except personal womens stuff obviously)

nope dont relate at all. love my sons and have a great bond with them