Granny raising grandchild

[GrannyandMum]

I really need some advice.
My husband and I took custody of our granddaughter one year ago, she was only 18 months at the time, because my daughter was struggling with her mental health. She has always been such a happy baby, but now she has hit 2 1/2 she is having terrible temper tantrums. She sometimes becomes hysterical, hitting, screaming throwing things. I can't ever remember terrible twos being this terrible. Does anyone else's two year old become like this or could it be something that I need professional help with just in case it is to do with her not living with her mum and feeling confused?
Any advice would be gratefully received.

Professional help can't hurt.

Is she in childcare? What do they say when you discuss it with them? If not in childcare can you get childcare funded? If classed as a looked after child I think you should get some. Professional childcare who knows the child will be best placed to advise you I think.

Presumably you have a social worker? Maybe there is a way they can refer for play therapy or similar? I would say if there has been no contact with mum then this may be terrible twos but if contact is happening then it's going to be having an impact on the poor little love.

You don't have to answer me but have a think about this. What is your daughter's mental health issues? I mention this because I always thought I had mental health issues but actually I'm autistic and I worked this out once my child was very challenging and trying to support him and work out what's going on for him I realised he's autistic and then the penny dropped so am I. It's very common for autism in girls to be missed and to be misdiagnosed as mental health issues in women. Obviously I could be completely off base but I always feel I should mention it because once I worked this out about myself I was 'better' immediately.

My thoughts are with you. Terrible or not the twos are hard. It won't last forever remember that communication will improve and you will get past this phase

My ds is 2y 6m and he bit me yesterday, my mum 3hrs later and tried again at night. He also had his first tantrum
Before yesterday afternoon I never had a single problem, tantrum or tear from him. He doesn't complain and just goes with whatever. He laughs hysterically throughout the day and 30 times an hour will grab my cheeks and kiss my lips. He is kind and clever and loves the company of me or his dad.
He is non verbal still but he hasn't had any frustrations before yesterday so I can't explain the biting or tantrum that followed. Only that it is possible the terrible twos came to us without warning and may be the same for your granddaughter

We are seeing a speech and language therapist at the moment for ds and she has taught us not to say no, but to say 'STOP' in a stern voice with your hand in a stop sign
This might help. I think she said toddlers find it less harsh than no but enough to hear

Several possibilities.

1. you are mis-remembering / looking back with rose tinted glasses
2. .your dgc is just a different child with a different personality from your dc (I had one who had the most almighty tantrums and one who never bothered at all)
3. you are just older / more tired and not coping as well as you did when you were 20 years younger (looking back now, I think I must have had super powers when I my dc were young)
4. your dgc might have been affected by their living conditions / relationship when living with the mother when she was not coping
5. your dgc might have an SEND that is nothing to do with their history

pps suggestion about asking at Nursery how they feel they are makes a lot of sense.