Working/studying whilst caring for sen children

[vxiy]

Looking for advice. I’m a single mother to 4 and 3 of my boys have additional support needs with my youngest also having global developmental delay so requires a lot of support. I have been looking into further education but my youngest son has started having extreme meltdowns where he throws things around and screams non stop because he is non verbal. He is currently in a mainstream nursery but they have advised he transfers to an asn nursery so his needs can be met. If I continue into further education my kids may need after school care and I don’t think a childminder could handle my son’s meltdowns. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is it even worth trying to get work or go to college or should I just claim carers allowance? Feeling really stuck and down, I have no other support.

When my daughter started at a special school they offered an after school club. Do your kids have EHCPs? My daughter got hers at mainstream nursery.

You can request which setting is named on the EHCP, so maybe look at schools that can provide the right wraparound care.

Are you claiming DLA for all of them?

I work nursery hours 9 til 3 is this an option?

It's really tough. I have been working full time for a few years now, but my 7yo has now had to go to a reduced timetable, which just so happened to coincide with me being made redundant. I'm claiming everything I can at this point and encourage you to do the same. DLA, UC, Carer's allowance, and anything else alongside it you qualify for like reduced council tax and free school meals.

Not to be a Debbie downer, but your youngest child's needs may get more extreme as he grows, not less, and you need to prepare for that possibility.

Sorry meant to say I am in Scotland. None of the schools in my area provide after school care and my youngest once he moves to the asn nursery will require a taxi so I need to be present when he is picked up and dropped off. I am hoping to look for work in a school as I am qualified in childcare and education but I live in a rural area and don’t drive unfortunately although I am taking lessons I would need to be finished work for 3 to get back for all my children.

Yes that’s what I’m worried about 😩 he is non verbal with very little understanding and isn’t walking and has difficulties with eating. These last few weeks his meltdowns have got extreme where he is throwing things and trying to scratch his own face and throws himself around. I’m trying so hard to find a solution but it looks like unless I can find something within school hours I won’t have much luck. They all currently get DLA with my youngest being on high rate care.

Could you work near your youngest's school so you are able to pick him up?

I work 4 days and my DS comes home in a taxi. We take it in turns to drop him but either I'm WFH or DH is home (he used to WFH 3 days, office one day plus day off but now he's retired).

It is REALLY hard to work with SEN children, only 16% of mothers of DCs with SEN work even part time.

So there is 3 schools in my area but unfortunately there is hardly any jobs that come up. I will just need to keep an eye out for upcoming positions. It’s just really disheartening because I thought once he went to nursery I could get my own independence and get back to work but his nursery phoned me to come pick him up when they can’t settle him and I just feel like if I’m at home doing nothing I will get judged for it.

Sorry just realised you said my youngests school, his asn placement is in another town and because I don’t drive and have to pick up my other children it’s not possible for me to do that x

I agree it's incredibly hard to work or study with SEN children. My DS is an adult now and I found it impossible when he was younger, and I claimed carers allowance and other benefits, which tbh met our needs pretty well. I was only able to study once he was older and at residential specialist school. Before that, he couldn't use wraparound care for him, and I was often called in to collect early as his behaviour was explosive.

You could maybe look into distance learning course, or remote working options? Although personally I found that even that was too demanding for me when DS was young and in inappropriate provision - I needed the school hours for general errands, appointments, self-care etc, because DS needed full supervision whenever he was at home. And I was only dealing with DS, not 4 dcs like you! If school hours is the only down time you have, be careful of filling all that time with work. You will need time to do other things including looking after yourself, or you will risk burnout.

Thanks! I have actually just completed a course for teaching assistant but it was around school hours and my mum helped but it’s not possible for her to continue now his behaviour is getting worse. It has been really stressful tbh. My youngest also still has a lot of appointments that he attends. Thankfully my older 3 see their dad most weekends but he lives about an hour away and can’t help with childcare. I haven’t applied for carers allowance yet but looks like I might need to until at least I learn how to drive and he is settled in his new nursery after September it’s just disheartening x

Hi
if you wanted to carry on with your education you could look at the open university. Many access courses to university offer lots of different part time options and allow you to do things as and when you can rather than having to meet strict deadlines like a full time university course.

it sounds like it will be difficult for you to work if your youngest needs you to pick him up during school hours sometimes which I think you’re saying he does. Some employers would be really understanding of this but not many! Also I think it would maybe cause you to be very stressed, I know it would me. However my opinion is ( and it is only my opinion!) you need to do some things for you as well. If your life is only about caring for your kids that will be damaging to your mental health and ultimately also be detrimental to them. Could you maybe look at a course like the one above or even maybe look at doing some volunteering, although they still require a commitment they will be more forgiving of your childcare needs. My mum was a single parent and went back to university when I was 8 alongside volunteering for citizens advice, it meant that when she was able to start full time work she had the experience employers were looking for.

in terms of financial support I would claim everything you can and not feel one bit guilty for it. There are people who are not in your position and able to work claiming from the government, the point of us living in a welfare state is to support those who need it and that is you so that you are able to care for your children. :)