19 month old tantrums - help!

[Mamabear04]

DC2 is 19 months old and oh my goodness this past week has hit the terrible 2's. The past 2 days he has been off the chart with his tantrums and I'm really struggling with how to manage them. DC1 never really had the terrible 2's (but she saved up all the sass for when she turned 3 years!) so I never really had to deal with mega tantrums I heard other mums talk about.

Basically he seems to go into a blind rage whenever he doesn't get what he wants and I just can't distract him. Examples of what sets him off are;

1. I served Macaroni for dinner yesterday
2. He wants a toy that DD is playing with (DD is 4 years)
3. He has to stop what he's doing ie come in from the garden because I freezing and starting to rain

So really just usual toddler stuff but not sure how to handle;

1. When he won't calm down and is screaming (yesterday on and off for an hour after the Macaroni incident. He wanted beans so I put beans on the side but didn't take the pasta away and he was still livid).
2. He stands next to DD and screams for a toy she is playing with, DD will give him a turn but then he won't give it back and when I make him share (because DD is upset about having to stop playing with her toy) he goes into full meltdown. He won't be distracted by another toy and today I had to put said car away so no one got to play with it. It feels very unfair for DD even though she agreed to it going away.
3. Today we were playing with kinetic sand, I was hovering around the kids but prepping lunch so not exactly sure what set him off but he threw a pot in anger and it started to esculate and it was almost lunch time so I said it's time to tidy up. DS was screaming bloody murder, wouldn't calm down so i picked him up and I'm a firm voice said "DS was angry and threw a toy. DS is not allowed to throw toys. The sand is finished" I repeated this a few times and then asked if wanted a drink and sat him on the sofa with DD and switched the TV on because he wasn't calming down for me. He calmed down enough to eat lunch but then after had another meltdown when getting his nappy changed.

My nerves are bloody shot this morning from all the screaming and the lack of being able to control and steer the situation. Like I said DD would never esculate like this when she was a toddler and I'm just looking for advice as to how to get through this and handle it without having a meltdown myself! The kitchen is so clean after I rage cleaned everything after lunch haha!

Its tough! Just ignore them, don't give in to them, don't respond. Put him somewhere safe if need be, and tell him you will come back when he is quiet.

I feel your pain, my 3rd child was like this I t’s tough but ignoring and never giving in seems to work best in this house.
does he talk much yet? My daughter was so much easier once she could talk a little.

He's actually speaking in small sentences 'I want water/food/mummy/daddy/DS etc" "I want that" "I fell over" "upstairs/outside" "I banged head, it was sore" etc "no!" is his absolute favourite word. He is very good with language (DD only started speaking properly after 2 years). It's just the blind rage of not getting what he wants and not being able to calm him down which I'm finding really difficult and DC1 is finding it very stressful too. I just would like to be able handle it better (calming DS down and so that DD is not upset with the torrent of noise or being unable to play nicely with her toys).

Going through very similar! My dd never had the terrible 2s either but got sissies at 3. Ds is 2 now and we have the full on tantrums and the 'non gentle ' hands. It's definitely tiring. I like Janet Lansbury's advice re toddlers and behaviour. And so follow that - validating emotions but holding boundaries- plus I also do some distracting. I think don't be afraid of tantrums. Don't be embarrassed either. Some kids just throw them.

• sassy not sissies!

Ignore, don't give in, offer cuddles.