Why do we feel guilty for calling in sick to work when our child is ill

[SugarandSpiceLatte]

My child is asthmatic and for the last week he has had a cold which is causing his asthma to flare up, it has slightly worsened today and I am preparing myself in the chance we may have to go to a+e. However I am feeling wracked with guilt at the chance that I may have to take off work as I work in a nursery and there is often no one to cover sicknesses leading to people coming in to work on their days off or leaving my work short staffed. I know this isn’t my responsibility but I can’t help but feel guilty.

Just a quick rant.

I feel the same 😩 hope your little one is better soon!

Why are you calling in sick? You're not sick, your child is. You should take leave or parental leave

It’s awful isn’t it? So wrong.

I hope your DC doesn’t end up in A&E but no feeling bad if you need to take time off.

As an employer, my only issue is when parents don't split children's illness between them. Why should dad never take time off to look after his ill children?

It is put down as sick leave in my work place- no idea why!

Well of course it feels shitty to keep being unreliable and (certainly in my case) dump extra work onto my colleagues due to my absence. Thank god this hasn't been a problem for ages now but the nursery years 😵... I don't know how I kept my job. Probably only because of the years of goodwill I had built up.

It shouldn’t be sick leave and it shouldn’t affect your own sickness record. Can you not take holiday (if you want it paid) or emergency time off for dependants (if okay to be unpaid), leaving your sickness record alone?

I think I feel guilty mostly because of my co workers- they often are bitchy about someone calling in sick and i was off for a week in January due to my son being in hospital with his asthma. It’s even worse this week though as my coworkers child is in hospital also so I have a fear of them thinking that I am making it up… it’s silly i know

The owner of the nursery has stated that no one is allowed to take unpaid leave. :(

In fairess to your employer, what else do you expect them to do

At our place, it was taken as A/L. sick leave or compassionate leave.

One of our three was ill almost every week - one of us went PT and did evening work and the other did day work for a few years

And we feel guilty as it’s a massive burden on colleagues, and unfair on them.

if you need to take time off to look after your do you have a partner you can share it with?

Dh would do more of the sicknesses/A&E trips as he could catch up later and at weekends. But I appreciate many jobs are not like that.

Of course I'd feel bad as I should be at work. Thankfully my kids were only ill a handful of times whilst I worked in a job where I wasn't flexible

This shouldn't be listed as sick leave if YOU are not sick. It should be carers emergency leave.

You could end up triggering the workplace sickness absence management policy. Also if you go for another job some ask in the reference for the number of days you've been off sick in past 2 years

I hope your DC is better soon. It's what emergency carers leave is fir though so don't feel guilty. I mean you will, but you really shouldn't. I bet most men wouldn't.

However- do make sure it isn't recorded as sick leave. It could affect your sickness record and is fraudulent.

Do you mean you are employed by a nursery OP? Because they legally have to give you time off for dependants in unforeseen or emergency situations. They don't have to pay you, or could make you use annual leave in priority, but they can't just declare "no unpaid leave".

my husband would look after the child if he had a minor illness like chicken pox, ear infection or another relative would.I only take time off work if it’s regarding my sons asthma as 9/10 times it is an A&e emergency.

You absolutely are allowed emergency carers leave. Your boss sounds like they have this very wrong.

Yes, it states in our contract only about no unpaid leave and nothing about compassionate or parents leave. The nursery expects you to put the nursery first and expects you to come in regardless if yourself or child are ill

But for example, if you had zero annual leave left, and your child was ill, it would have to be unpaid emergency dependants leave. Recording it as sick leave is false and a failure to follow the statutory employment laws that exist to protect parents.

Why do you feel guilty? I wouldn’t be able to feel less guilty if I put effort in. This is your life for crying out loud, you have your shit in order and your priorities straight, why feel guilty because your work place is incapable of employing and paying more staff for when, inevitably, someone is off sick/needs leave, goes on holiday.

Work places should feel embarrassed by their inadequacies , not you feeling guilty.

They absolutely can't record it as sick leave. My employer likes us to use annual leave if we have to be off with a sick child but I have used unpaid leave in the past when I worked fewer hours and therefore had less annual leave.
If we've been off sick we have to have a return to work interview, even if only off one day, the manager has to fill out a form with details of symptoms and what you did to aid your recovery. Don't you have a procedure like that?

this is an example of what is put down, it says sick, son poorly.. whenever someone is off sick we don’t get any back to work interviews or anything like that.

Why does A&E always need to be you not your child's father though? I'm not trying to be goady, genuinely asking.

Nope, I never felt guilty for taking time off if my kids were sick. Now I have my own business, and all my staff are mum's of school-age kids. I would never make them feel guilty. I am very flexible about school holidays and kids' sickness. In return, my staff are very loyal and work really hard for me.

Usually we are both there as it is often late night trips and I don’t like being on my own in those occasions as it is very stressful