Feel so guilty I feel like a terrible mum

[fingerscrossed2233]

Hi I have a 9 year old boy and 6 year old girl.

I adore my kids.

I'm not the most patient but I've got better. When both were born I had serve post natal depression. Have so much guilt.

About a week ago my little girl fell at school. When she came home her knee was grazed and swollen, I made a fuss and wrapped her leg. It's been very bad I took her to the doctors and I've had a week of her uncomfortable. It's been infected. So docs give her some antibiotics cream. She is very scared of the pain and it's been a battle trying to put cream on or bathing her. She had a couple of school because knee was swollen. Today she went back to yesterday I bathed her.

She was screaming frantic I tried everything to calm her in the end I just screamed calm down and she looked shocked. It had to keep getting her off soak her knee in the water.

This morning rather than put a plaster on I put a dressing on wrapped with a bandage. She was frantic at 7 in the morning, again I tried to keep calm but it was impossible so I got angry and said will you just calm down and really shouted. 😞 I went to work feeling like crap.

She went to her grandparents afterschool and has come home all happy.

Got her changed and said need to take dressing off and air over night. To which lead in to a full melt down.

I tried and tried telling her to take deep breaths and we will do bits at a time. Wound had leaked abit so stuck to the dressing so I took her to the bathroom and tried to pour bits of water on.

This whole time she is screaming as if I'm beating her up. I tried to keep calm and again I just screamed for gods sake will u let me help you. Pours the water and took it off.
Soon as it was off she was fine joking saying that wasn't bad.

My head is aching and I broke down and cried.

The people next door must think I'm useless might little girl screaming and me shouting.

Lady next door to me had a 5 year old and two babies you don't hear a peep out of them and when u do it's happy.

I feel like a failure of a mother. I'm having a hard time feeling down and anxious. I go to see a counsellor.

Now I can't stop crying for feeling so rubbish. My little girl is snuggled in to me and I feel like a useless piece of shit 😞

I just needed to write this down 😞

You are NOT a terrible mum, OP! I've been through this myself. My son's a great little lad but has an extremely low pain threshold. It's so, so hard to stay calm when they're screaming in your ear and you're trying to help them. I really understand.

I don't have any great wisdom other than to find techniques that help you to block out the noise. Inwardly counting or focussing on a song helps me. Also, encouraging her before and after to do something similar.

The good news is that DS is starting to grow out of it. Hopefully your DD will too!

Sometimes you have to shout and shock them out of the hysteria. Otherwise they just work themselves up and up and up and nothing you say seems to penetrate.

Driving home from work after this morning I came home postive and knew she would kick off when trying to get it off. So I took deep breathes and was saying to her breath in through nose and out through mouth to calm her down but it just got worse and worse.

I probs feel worse because I compare my self to lady next door who has 3 kids under 5 two of them under 18 month and u just hear giggles and so on. Then me shouting a screaming.

She's chatting her head off to me now instead of sleeping telling me she loves me lol kissing me.

I'm trying to hold back the tears.

Thank you gives me some comfort others have struggled with same thing. Thank you x

You've done well under very trying circumstances. It is so stressful when they scream & you're trying to help them. Give yourself a break you're doing great 👍

Thank you to top it off. I've just settled her and tried to make her comfortable and dropped a pillow on her knee 🙄 so she had another melt down. Stayed calm and she calmed down. Her pain threshold is very low but it's like it's anxiety as well.

I still feel so bad. I worry next doors think I'm beating her up or something she was frantic 😞

Sounds a very stressful situation for you and your dd. Could she remove the plaster / bandage and apply the cream herself? Or get her to help you?
Do you think she'd understand that an infection could make her much more uncomfortable? (Obviously you don't want to giver her health anxiety) but just calmly explain that if bad bacteria get into her knee it will be much more painful, and the cream helps with good bacteria get rid of nasty bacteria?
Can you dress and clean / cream her leg a bit earlier, so you don't feel pressured for time, and make the cleaning into a game?
With dd I tell her in 10 mins we are going to do x, y and z. In five mins we are doing x,y, and z, followed by 'dd it's time to do x, y and z'. It worked for my dd but same system didn't work for ds.
For ds explaining the science behind treating an injury worked much better.
It's hard OP. There isn't a hard and fast rule when it comes to kids. It's very much trial and error! I would just say though, try and keep it calm, because as soon as you tense your dd will too....so much easier said than done I know.

@anunlikelyseahorse yes I've explained it. Doctor did and she calms down but lasts for 30 seconds and she's back to freaking out. I have tried her doing it her self and she tries then starts freaking out saying she's scared.

I held her hand and said don't be scared I'm right here with you. But she just screamed even more. I did try every thing to keep her calm down.

I tried to hold in tears and I couldn't and burst out crying in front of her. I said sorry for getting angry and it wasn't her fault I just want trying to help,

It took me about 30 mins to take it off. And this morning I got up early to give plenty of time. There is no reasoning with her but she is only 6. She is ok giving me lots of cuddles but doesn't stop me feeling terrible