Parental preference - bedtime gone downhill

[NotAnotherNYResolution]

My DD is almost 2. Has always been a good sleeper and has happily slept independently from 2/3 months.

She’s lately developed a very strong preference for me over her dad. I know this is totally normal and we just roll with it without allowing her to completely dictate everything.

So bedtimes, we’ve always alternated. We both do her bath, get her in her PJs, then one of us will take her into her room to read a few books, have a cuddle and say goodnight. She goes into her cot awake and goes to sleep on her own, no fuss.

Or at least she does for her dad or anyone who isn’t me! Lately, no matter how long the cuddle lasts it’s just never enough. As soon as I put her down she’ll start getting upset. I’ll leave the room for a few minutes to see if she can calm herself down, but I’m usually back in pretty quickly. Pick her up again, another cuddle, back down and try again.

Was previously managing just one trip back in, but lately it’s getting worse. Mostly she isn’t even really crying - just yelling! Unless I rock her to the point of basically being asleep, it’s a battle. I often have to get her dad to go in. As soon as she knows it’s him and not me, she says no to cuddles and goes to sleep. And then she’s out for 12 hours with no dramas at all.

Husband is away for 4 nights next week, and I can’t keep relying on him. Plus I’m finding it really hard to keep my patience with DD. Any tips for how to solve this?!

My daughter is 2.5 and went through something similar. I found if I explained at the beginning of the routine that she will get two big hugs and two stories and that’s all. That seemed to work as she understood what was coming. I feel this works if kids understand numbers a little.
but I held the boundary. If she called out again I opened the door but stood outside and explained she has had her books and cuddles and good night. It stopped and she’s back to normal.
i have to say I do think my daughter loves her sleep so she isn’t one to put it off which probably made it easier.

Thank you @Pinklilly I do probably need to be a little firmer

If it’s only four nights, would you not just rock her to sleep and put her in her cot?

Yes, I probably will, but I’m more asking for longer term as it doesn’t feel sustainable. She’s 13kg and can need rocking for 15-20 mins. It’s a work out!

Maybe it’ll take less time if you do it from Story time as she’ll not have had a chance to get worked up? Mine are the same age and only feed to sleep with me but will go to sleep for their dad and in nursery so I don’t have a sustainable answer myself so was more thinking about trying to make those days less of a nightmare for you. I don’t think mine would understand those boundaries at night when they’re tired so could just imagine loads of calling to you and how tiring and frustrating that would on top of the extra solo parenting.x

Following as DD (2 next month) is exactly the same and bedtimes on my nights are exhausting for both of us. No advice I’m afraid, but it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone at least!

Yep, you’re right, just need to get by for a few days x

It’s definitely good to hear it’s not just us! Sorry you’re having trouble too though

For the four nights I would just rock her. Or push her back and forth in a buggy then transfer to cot.

If dad is around most of the time then it's a non issue. Yes you could probably push to change the pattern, but why? You have a method that works for DH, it's quick and easy for him, in about 6 months her understanding will be even better and she'll probably drop the preference. To me there seems no benefit to pushing it.

You're also unlikely to crack it in a week - it's just going to make things more stressful.

Take the path of least resistance.