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Ds always mean on other sons birthday

8 replies

TuliLily · 11/03/2024 18:10

What would you do in this situation? so every single year when it’s my younger sons birthday my older one will be very very nasty on the day, just literally awful will go out of his way to try to ruin the day and just wind him up all day and try to make him upset, he does this every year and I have no idea why. I had forgotten about it as he didn’t do it last year as his father was here last year so surprise surprise he didn’t do it and was on his best behaviour but this year he started again and was just so mean and rude. How would you handle this because his birthday is 2 weeks later yet he expects to have a nice lovely day despite bullying my younger one on his birthday and trying to ruin it and making him cry. Does anyone else’s child do this? How would you handle it as I find birthdays very hard anyway as a lone parent I try my best to make the day nice because I have no family so I try to make the day as special as possible so my children don’t feel like they are missing anything and birthdays are a very hard day as a lone parent with no family and when someone keeps constantly trying to ruin the day deliberately I find this really upsetting. How would others handle this situation? (He was of course told of yesterday but he does it every single year)

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GrazingSheep · 11/03/2024 18:11

How old is he?

Scarletttulips · 11/03/2024 18:13

I had one and they do grow out of it.

I would set expectations and consequences prior to the birthday.

When it’s his birthday I would remind him how he treated his sibling and ask if he would like that treatment.

Kathsmum · 11/03/2024 18:15

Agree depends on age: 5 you explain it’s unkind, 15 cancel his if the warning doesn’t work.

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Gcsunnyside23 · 11/03/2024 18:25

What age is he? That's key on his you respond. But either way he needs consequences and if he's old enough to understand them I'd be cancelling something to do with his birthday or using it as a carrot to behave. You should ask be dealing with it there and then. Why is he getting away with doing this every year?

TuliLily · 11/03/2024 18:29

To clarify I did deal with it at the time, he was sent out of the room to his room and not included in anything again after that. But he isn’t a small child he is 12.

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TuliLily · 11/03/2024 18:29

Turning 12..

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Yourethebeerthief · 11/03/2024 18:39

I would set expectations before the day and would go through him like a tonne of bricks if he ever did it again. It's appalling behaviour and smacks of people who do this to their partners in relationships: always spoiling any big days/celebrations/events. It's a really nasty and narcissistic trait.

As he has done it again I would already be planning a big fuss of a birthday for next year where he is not invited. I take it from your OP, you are separated from his dad? He can go to his dad's on his brothers birthday next year and not participate.

Truly awful behaviour that should have been nipped in the bud the first time it happened.

Borka · 11/03/2024 18:40

I would tell him in advance that if he spoils his brother's birthday then his own birthday will be cancelled.

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