Not getting a valentines or mother's day gift

[ZEWatson]

It doesn't bother me too much but my friends say its unacceptable that my husband didn't get me anything for valentines day and didn't get me a gift from my 1YO for mothers day.
We both work full time, we're in a very loving and caring relationship but we're just not really gifts people. I did get him a V day gift and card and will for father's day too but I know it just doesn't cross his mind. It's not that he doesn't care about me!
How would you feel?

It would upset me if I’m honest. I don’t want or need expensive gifts but a hand made card is more than enough and far more sentimental. Some chocolates at valentines would have been appreciated too.

If you’re not bothered then that’s fine but if it has got to you then I’d gently say that you feel a little let down.

You know him best, but yet you’re here asking. If you want him to show you appreciation this way, you’d better tell him and save any resentment later. If you’re happy he shows plenty of care and appreciation at other times, then it’s no problem, but again makes me question why you’re here asking. If he isn’t doing either, you’ve every right to feel disappointed and he needs to up his game

We don't do valentines day - we don't need one day when we are obliged to state our love! If he shows his love the rest of the year you are right not to be bothered by his lack of card and present.

As for mothers day - this wasn't a thing until our children were old enough to make cards (and gifts) at pre-school and then infant school. By juniors they asked dad to take them shopping. Now they are adults they send me cards, token gifts and messages on the day (they don't live close). If you want a fuss you need to tell him but if he doesn't make a fuss of his own mum then don't set your expectations too high!

Yes I would be upset. It’s like his saying I’m not worth the effort. He knows it will make you happy but doesn’t care, he’d rather not do it because that what suits him best.

Selfish men are not good husband material. Ever.

We don't do valentine's or Christmas. For birthdays and mother's/father's day we do a plant or something like that and a home made card. Then a nice home cooked meal. It's an excuse to buy new houseplants more than anything and a piece of paper folded in half with paint splashed over it. Minimal effort and fuss.

@ZEWatson it does upset me though it shouldn't - it is a commercial day, my situation is similar to yours but my children are almost adults now. My DH just isn't into any commercial days, he even gets annoyed if I were to get him something for fathers day etc. If DD is home she will do something to celebrate, but not DS yet, I think he will when he's matured a bit, he is still quite self centred.

If I were you and it bothers you now I would just tell DH, it's a rubbish commercial day but I think next year I'd really like a card or even just for him to say happy mothers day.

Things will change when you child is in nursery & primary school. The teachers will have them all over the cards and ensuring that they wish you a good mothers day

This.

We don't get each other anything for valentines - after all, it is supposed to be from a secret admirer, so all a bit odd if you are married.
I didn't get Mothers' Day things until my dc started bringing them home from Nursery etc.
We were absolutely fine with that. In fact it was me that initiated the 'don't let's waste money on Valentines stuff' conversation decades ago.
Other people won't be.
With different expectations between a couple, it needs a conversation, but if the two of you are happy, why would you take any notice of people who are supposed to be your friends sticking their oar in and stirring up trouble ?

I'd take a long look at your friends rather than your dh.

Wouldn't bother me. He's caring and loving. I think as long as your happy that's all that matters :)

Neither Valentine's or Mother's Day are gift occasions to me. Cards, yes but not gifts.

I also find the fake card from a pre-verbal child thing weird too. I started getting cards when DC were at nursery and school and making them there.

Wouldn't have occurred to me to get DH a fake FD card before that or to expect a MD one.

If it doesn't bother you and that's the kind of arrangement you have, then your friend's words shouldn't bother you either? Everyone is different and if this is the way things work for you and your DH, then so be it! We don't care about mother's or father's day either, but I know I would be unimpressed if my partner never acknowledged Valentine's day. We don't go big for it at all, but a cheesy smartshow 3d slideshow of our photos feels like a must at this point 😂

I don’t get gifts on those days either and I’ve not got DH an anniversary card ever. We support each other day and make small efforts 365 days a year. A card and gift on a day that you’re told to make an effort means nothing to me.

The focus on gifting has got really out of hand. My DH very romantic and there are usually flowers for Valentines and a card. Maybe it’s sexist, but it was not the norm for the woman to buy a valentines gift. I do usually buy a small chocolate gift these days but it’s vey token. I honestly think exchanging cards is more than enough. With Mothering Sunday a few flowers or chocs and a card is more than sufficient. I definitely don’t want to eat out on the weekend when everyone else is or valentines night. I don’t buy into the whole guilt trip/retail fest at all

It doesn’t bother you but you have friends who are just stiring for a reaction? Tell them it doesn’t bother you and don’t waste any further time dwelling on it.

I have just had my 34th wedding anniversary. I have never had a Valentines gift.
No kids, but I certainly wouldn't have expected an M Day gift from my husband.
Maybe your friends are a bit too "high maintenance", OP?