Our daughters are 11. They go to the same school, same class etc. Her daughter is more confident than mine, mine is a people pleaser and has had a hard time with friendships. She's having sessions with the school mental health support worker.
My child started telling me a few months ago that my friend's daughter is actively leaving her out and putting her down. I then witnessed this on the walk home from school when they were with other children and told my best friend what had happened. She told me she would speak to her child, but the week after, it happened again as if nothing had been said to her. I flagged it up again to both my friend and her husband on this occasion and her husband seemed irritated and told me that his daughter is a kind, loving soul.
We made different arrangements for school pick up to try to avoid the situation which has helped. But my child is telling me that her friend is being quite abrupt and rude with her. I still collect both girls from school on Wednesdays but drive them to try to avoid the situation of my friend's daughter showing off to the other kids. I've heard the girl say things to my child during the drive home to my daughter a few times now. Once she said that her dog does not like her, on the day before world book day she had my daughter guessing who she was dressing up as and was laughing and rolling her eyes at her suggestions and abruptly saying things like "no, as if...". I had to intervene and say "nobody has any idea, it would be impossible to guess." She loves keeping my daughter in the dark about things in general which she does I think to feel more powerful than her. She also will always choose another girl over my child every time but wants my daughter when the other girl is not around. They will arrange to video call in the evenings sometimes and will keep ending the call to speak to each other, making my child wait, then coming back to her again.
I spoke to my child about sticking up for herself better and spending time with two other girls on their class who are very quiet and kind. She did this and was met with her friend being upset and telling my daughter "we've always been best friends and now you're hurting my feelings" which hooked my child back in again. The girl's parents clearly don't think she's capable of this behaviour so I'm wasting my time. It has really impacted my relationship with my best friend too.
The school are aware but as a lot of it happens on the drive/walk home from school and after school, there isn't a lot they can do. They were also shocked when I told them and said that the friend is usually such a kind girl and that they had even paired her up to support the new girl in September (who has since made other friends I understand).
The situation feels complicated given I'm best friends with her mum and that she and her husband don't seem to want to know.
I'm looking for advice on how to support my daughter? Do I start speaking to the friend myself if I see things happen? Do I keep telling my best friend and her husband what is happening? Do I refuse to collect their daughter on Wednesdays from now on?