Not enjoying being a parent

[Underestimated4]

I know I’m at risk of coming under some criticism but I’m feeling really vulnerable at the moment so would appreciate people going easy on me.

I have two children under 8, I love them dearly, they are happy, doing well at school and generally great kids but I’m struggling to find enjoyment in being a Mum.

I am happily married DH is a brilliant dad, we have a nice life, but I feel I should enjoy being a Mum, I find it every day hard, they argue all the time which I think is a huge factor in this and I’m not sure what to do?

Am I alone in feeling like this?

You're not alone. Parenting is all encompassing and can be very draining. However last year I heard someone say that if a person is feeling underwhelmed by their everyday then it might be due to a lack of things which spark your fire. Your kids can be great and DH supportive but if they're not filling your bucket...what does?

For me I've joined a local hiking group so about once a month I go for a walk with adults where I'm me, not mum. My other half goes out for a run once a week without the kids. Having things for ourselves makes both of us more well rounded people and therefore better parents and spouses. For some people it's important to keep some resemblance of who you were before you were a parent. For others having a family is enough. I don't think it makes you worthy of criticism. In fact society feels rather broken that because some people would love to have kids and can't/don't that everyone who has a partner and children should be filled with gratitude and love 100% of the time. It's completely unrealistic. But then I'm not a natural mum, and my other half knew this before we had children. They were important to him, but we knew that in any family picture I was going to need certain things in order to cope with the huge responsibility comes with motherhood. We've worked out a balance which works for us, most of the time. Maybe you and your family need to do the same?

As for the fighting, all I can say is solidarity. I was completely unprepared for how much of family life was playing referee!!!

Seconding the above. If they are both school age, you might need something else in your life that gives you interest/meaning. Do you get time to do your own hobbies or explore your own interests?

Bickering will get you down. Have you thought about how you can coach your children to deal with conflict better? It can't ve totaly avoided but perhaps you can reduce it a bit? Hard to do unless you have the energy to get started though, so time to yourself ifthe crucial bit.

You need a break OP. I can't imagine anyone being hard on you and most if not every parent can relate. I think bickering is sort of baked in to sibling relationships but it will be easier if you get away regularly for your own time. Is your DH supportive could he take them away for a night or two?

Thank you for the replies. I need to find a way with the fighting I expected it but it’s as bad that they can barely be in each others company, separating isn’t always an option if they’re in the car/having tea etc and I don’t want it as an option if it can be helped.

I think you’re right I need a hobby, I’ve never really had one but I think it would give me something to focus on. Pre kids I loved the gym, I have a membership but finding the time to go around clubs when I’m not exhausted is so hard.

I don’t know anyone who actually ‘enjoys’ being a parent

Don’t be hard on yourself

kids suck 80% of the time. It’s the 20% that stops us from killing them though

I want this on a t shirt 😂

Have you read siblings without rivalry? Found it quite useful for playing referee. Stopped me feeling like it was all my responsibility and made me think about their relationship as transcending my influence and time within our household. Seems to have helped so far. Not always but it's better. **