2 under 2- good or bad idea ?!? 😂

[Hjudge56]

Hi! (Also posted in Pregnancy as didn’t know which was more relevant!)
My partner and I have a DD who is 7.5 months. It’s been a tough ride that’s for sure but definitely getting easier now!

We keep saying we’d like to have a second baby and not have a big gap as we both feel like we’d rather get through the tough baby period over a couple years and then get our lives back haha! Recently we’ve just naturally not been as ‘careful’ when having sex so it’s starting to feel a bit real now that it could actually happen. We’re not actively trying but I’m now second guessing if 2 under 2 is a good idea?!? I guess it also sounds terrifying to me!

I would love to hear from any mums who have had 2 under 2 and could share some insight on how they found it and if it was a good idea in the end haha! I’m 27 and guess I’m leaning towards wanting to get my life back a bit by the time I’m 30-31… let me know your thoughts

Mine have an 11 month age gap and I found it to be awful having 2 under 2. It was just relentless and I wasn’t a fan of all the struggles that came with it. They’re 2 & 3 now and life has only just become a bit more manageable

Quite a few years later and the age gap is wonderfully lovely and the dc are close. Was probably the hardest two years of my life though after having my second dc- absolutely relentless hard work. I don't feel like I was able to enjoy them properly as a baby and toddler I was just getting through the hard days. Not helped by Covid lockdowns at all.

Age gap under 22 months. The first 18-24 months were very hard. But you're absolutely right that the baby years are quicker. My girls are now 5 and 7, very close and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I think life is easier now because they are so close that they entertain each other. Although there is no guarantee that siblings will get on together!

Mine have 22m gap.

Its been a coupke of months so cant really comment too much but currently have no regrets!

Our "strategy" was close together so we didnt have to cater to wildly diferent things.

Oldest is in nappies but to be honest its fairly easy she needs maybe 5 changes a day and "knows" to get her mat and lie on it. We will toilet train after easter probably.

Looking after them together is tricky but I've done it for a day solo and survived. I wouldnt fancy is it every day. Shes in childcare 4 days per week and my DH and DM are decent / help.

I have a 15m gap between my DDs. I've loved it, they are so close as sisters and do everything together. I didn't find the early years too bad but I had a lot of support as my DM lives in our road and would come over every day, and I'm a sahm so I wasn't trying to juggle work and the dcs. DD1 started nursery at 12m part time and that helped too.

There is still a fair bit of juggling even with a small age gap. I had to take them to different baby swimming and gymnastics classes with my mum as they were in different age groups and I couldn't have supervised them both. And they are in mostly different extracurriculars now as they go by academic year, and there was often periods when they couldn't do the same activities eg older/younger bit of soft play. But I would go with DH or my mum so we could supervise one child each. Now they are older I get entire weekends where I can do my own thing at home and they just play together, so there's very little effort needed. We definitely have our lives back so that early effort was worth it.

I think it depends a lot on your support network - I have friends whose DHs work away for weeks and parents live abroad so they are dealing with everything on their own, and their dcs have ended up taking turns to watch screens as there isn't another adult to supervise, and have missed out on some activities because one adult couldn't take them both.

I had two born a year apart so actually a 12 month old and newborn, I was a lone parent so different situation to most and no family support but I enjoyed it and didn’t find it difficult. They are not close at all now though now they are older 11 and 12

20 months between my two (not planned). First year was brutal and nearly fucking killed me if I’m honest 🙈 they’re now 3.5 and nearly 2 and the last six months have been soooo much easier. I think it’s a short term pain long term gain thing. But if I could have had youngest DC again but 1 year later I think I probably would have!

Mine have an 18 month gap and honestly at times it was brutal in the first year. They are 1 and nearly 3 now and it's starting to get easier. I am lucky as my eldest is such an easy child, no tantrums or running off or anything, her behaviour is amazing. My youngest has also been an 'easy' baby and even with that it's been so hard. Solo days with them are still a struggle, easier now the eldest is potty trained and can get in and out of the car herself etc. Ans I'm not breastfeeding anymore, that was really hard in the early days when the toddler needed me.
I do feel bad that my eldest has missed out on swimming as I obviously can't take them by myself.
I try to be extremely organised, so even if we're home for the day I'll make packed lunches the night before and have them in the fridge.
Getting out is easier now, but was so hard in the early days when my newborn was in the sling a lot but the eldest was still not 2 and wanted to be picked up and carried.
We have always consciously ensured that jealousy etc is limited by never ever 'blaming the baby' or saying to the toddler, I can't play now because I'm feeding the baby etc. I think this has really helped and they are developing the most wonderful relationship (obviously they have their moments but I stay out of it as much as possible so I don't become a referee!)
So yes it's been hard but it's all I know I guess and I love it now!

14 month gap, the only thing that was hard was that the youngest had undiagnosed silent reflux so cried and was miserable all her waking hours from 7 weeks old.

The rest of it was fine tbh they had similar needs.

21 month age gap here. DC2 was an unexpected event! so we definitely weren't planning to have a close age gap. It's a long time ago as they're 14 and 15 now but the first 6 months in particular were absolutely brutal. We had no family nearby to help so it was just DH and I. Mostly we tag teamed, I had the baby and he had the toddler. He had been the SAHP once I went back to work after DC1 so I was very lucky to have him around all the time. It meant I could do some baby activities with just DC2 and could spend time just dealing with DC2 who was a voracious feeder and a very reflux baby. Most of my friends with similar age gaps didn't have the same opportunities to do this as they had a toddler with them as well, and a partner out of the house during the day. And if you are needing nursery etc for 2 at once it is very expensive (may be better now with the free hours but at the time mine were little it was for over 3s only).
However. Developmentally it was great as they were into similar things, toys, games etc and we could hand down all the clothes and other baby stuff quickly and then get rid. Once DC2 was out of the baby stage they could do similar activities and sports so we were not torn in too many directions at once. They are very different characters but we are lucky in that they do get along and still share some interests.
It's a long way off when you have tiny children but in a couple of years we will have GCSEs and A levels going on at the same time which I am not looking forward to (DC1 doing GCSEs this year and it is very full-on) and if they both go to uni there will be expenses for both at the same time so we are having to bear that in mind at the moment with the family finances.

22 month gap. Worked really well. DC1 accepted DC2 from the first moment, for the first year they both napped mostly at the same time in the afternoon so I got a nice break, now 6 and 8 and still close enough to like the same games and TV etc a lot of the time.

A lot of depends on you and your babies

For us it was completely and utterly not an option. My daughter had severe reflux and many food allergies and I had severe treatment resistant depression and psychosis. At 15 months we were just starting to enter normal life again and given I had mild hyperemesis through my first and third trimesters pregnancy was no where need my radar. At 2 I felt like me again and at 3 I started to feel like I might be able to cope again if we were to have a second.

I think for those for whom it's a really bad idea it just never comes up to consciousness. I think if my daughter had been my second born and I had another child to look after I would have struggled a lot more. That said I have a friend who briefly had 3 under 2 (twins for 2nd pregnancy with a 23 month age gap) and another friend who is due to have number 3 imminently with the eldest being 3.5! They have both thrived and enjoyed those close age gaps.
It does depend so much on you, your babies and your support system.

I had two under two and a just turned four year old when youngest was born, it honestly was fine, you just get on with it. Can be chaos at times but I had a very good routine and adapted it as each came along. I loved it when all three were little.

Two lots of nursery fees nearly wiped my friend out. And now she's starting to save up for two lots of university fees and wishing she'd spaced them out a bit more. So I guess it depends on your salaries?

We have a 20 month gap, and are about to start trying for a third with (hopefully) the same gap again, so it can't be too bad! It's very intense and tiring, especially the first few months, but like you were wanted the baby years out of the way fairly quickly and I don't regret the decision at all. We don't have much family very close by, but DH is incredibly hands on and more than pulls his weight which has made a huge difference - if I had a partner who was less involved then I think it would have been a lot harder (though that's probably true of any age gap to be honest!)

I think it depends on the child. I had to do a lot of lifting and carrying on DS1 until he was about 2.5 - if he was tired / hungry / upset / shy / tantrum. He really needed to be physically held a lot. Which is very difficult with a new baby

He’s much more hands free now he’s nearly 3. I have a new baby now and I’m glad I didn’t do it any sooner personally.

Although saying that, a smaller gap means you’ll have a smaller child to carry when you’re pregnant instead of carting round a massive toddler.

22months between my two. I think 2.5yrs+ would be slightly better as your eldest is a bit more independent. 2 under 2 you still have two babies with different needs and that first year is tough.

I forgot to mention the nursery fees as above. Hopefully the new funded hours will help out (if you're in England) but we are paying £1800 a month at the moment as neither child is entitled to hours yet and it's absolutely breaking us but we just about manage it. Something to consider though everyone's circumstances are different obviously!

Age gap of 18 months between our daughters - it was hard at times and fine other times we found, in fact now they are older (3 and nearly 5) we find them more of a handful! But to be honest, being close in ages means you're already used to disturbed sleep, in the routine of bottles/nappies, they will (hopefully) be interested in the same sorts of toys... I wouldn't change it for the world!

Brutal for the first few years (covid lockdowns didn't help)

great now they are at school - they like the same things, share clothes, play the same games and get on with each others friends. They really are each others best friends even though they are very different children in many ways.

put me off having any other children though completely.

OP, I believe there is research showing that a gap of 12-18 months between pregnancies is associated with better outcomes for babies and mums. Obviously lots of people have shorter gaps and have healthy pregnancies and babies, but on average waiting over 12 months is beneficial. Given you are young and not under any biological clock pressure, I'd personally use contraception for another 4-5 months until your current baby is 12 months+.