Inconsistent baby dad - what to do

[3lele]

Hi guys,

So I’m looking for some advice really…

My daughters dad & I aren’t together and haven’t been since I was pregnant. He didn’t turn up to the birth. Says he wanted to be involved but it seems to be on his terms only. We do live some distance apart but his original hometown is a lot closer to me. He’s super inconsistent and will go weeks and weeks without even asking how she is never mind seeing her

Shes 18 months now and is starting to build attachments to people. He will see her once for a weekend then be gone for weeks. When asked why he doesn’t see her more the response is “I’m busy, I’ve got things to do” and then he’ll be out at parties

Im stuck between leaving the door open so he can’t ever say im the reason he doesn’t see her but leaning more towards cutting all ties as I feel like absence is better than inconsistency and constant let downs. Also means I have to do all the work and he gets to come and go as he pleases

anyone else been in this situation and what did u do?

thanks xx

If I were you, I’d want this guy to go away and stay away. Imagine having to deal with that inconsistency throughout your DD’s life. The rejection she would feel.

If he’s not bothered and you don’t need the financial support, just put him off when he reaches out to see her. It doesn’t sound like he would put up a fight.

Do read up on his rights as an absent father, though, in case he meets a partner and they suddenly decide they want to “play” happy families at your DD’s expense.

If you do need his financial input, go through CMS.

Is his family involved at all?

Does he not see her for months and then want her for the full weekend? Is he on the birth certificate?

@2hot2handle hi love. Thanks so much for getting back to me. Thank u, I will read up on it. He’s with someone at the moment and I think she’s more than happy if he doesn’t see her. They’ve actually got their own baby on the way now 🤣 but you’re right, I’m scared of my daughter being let down and upset. I keep telling him but he thinks he’s great because “some dads aren’t there at all” is his response. Not much of his family is involved. His sister is somewhat but I think she only knows his version. He can do no wrong in her eyes x

@CadyEastman hey love, yes that’s right. & yes he’s on the bc x

hey love, yes that’s right. & yes he’s on the bc

Ok so as others have suggested, keep all messages do that you can show when you've offered contact.

Personally I wouldn't be letting her go for overnights yet, especially if he's seeing her regularly.

If he asks for her overnight again, put in a message to him that you think it's a great idea that he applies for a Child Arrangements Order but just now, you feel she's too young for overnights away from you.

Just be mindful that by the time the Child Arrangements Order is sorted, she will probably be old enough for overnights.

Have you applied for CMS yet?

And Rights of Women have some greet guides on Family law and mediation.

Another dad the year whos started breeding:

@CadyEastman thank you, so do you think I should still allow him to be in her life if he’s so inconsistent? I think especially now he’s got another child on the way it’ll be even more so. I’m so torn. & I’ve thought about this a fair bit but he works off the books so do u think I’d have much luck? X

@Scarletttulips exactly haha I have no idea why you’d have another child after saying you’re too busy to see the one you have. It’s bizarre!

@CadyEastman

I am in a similar situation. Not easy! It’s hard because they do have rights even as an inconsistent father… Then you open your child to more hurt by allowing inconsistency in their life. It’s like a lose- lose for us