Send help - 17 month old does.not.listen

[whiska]

Are they even capable of listening at this age ?
She knows full well what I'm saying I think, she just don't give a shit frankly.
I love her so much, she is so cute, really adorable but my god she is feral.
She likes to climb everything, when I say no she just looks at me, smiles and carries on?! The word no means nothing, is this normal ? Should she know what no means ?
She has also started biting, she has come up behind me and bit me on the bum, I really made a meal of it and said ow that hurt we don't bite, she just laughed and tried to do it again!!
Another thing she does is repeatedly goes back to thinks you have told her not to do, like throwing all the nappies off the changing unit onto the floor, going in the bin etc etc
As I said I love her to bits but she is hard work and seems to be getting worse.
Any advice ? And if anyone could tell me what is and isn't normal with toddlers, her hearing is fine btw !!

They love a reaction at that age, they love watching mummy get all agitated, moving quickly and waving their arms, it's hilarious when they are 17 months (and older). No is still a bit abstract in some ways I think. I found ignoring behaviours where possible and redirecting them where best. Lots of over zealous positive reinforcement of good behaviours. Also lots of outdoor time and softplay to burn off energy I found helped for my climber. All sounds developmentally normal, toddlers are just savages really.

Has the word no been said so much it's meaningless?

Broadly, 17month old are patchy with listening. When I find no because lost I challenge myself to an hour or an afternoon where I am not allowed to say no. I can say anything else that means no but not the word itself that's saved for if you don't stop that right now you are at risk of being seriously injured.

She doesn't know naughty behaviour at that age. You need to distract and remove her from whatever it is that she's doing.

This sounds exactly like my little girl. My son was very obedient, all I had to say was "that's not for you!" and he'd leave it alone but my daughter is one of life's experimenters. She has to test every boundary and discover for herself why something is a 'no'. Just saying no doesn't work, I have to give information 'bins are not toys, they're dirty', physically move her away and offer her another option of something she can do. I try to give information without insult. 'the nappies belong in the drawer, can you help me put them away?' If that doesn't work then 'i can see it's too tempting to be around the nappies right now as you're in a throwing mood. Let's go find something you can throw! Would you like the ball or the beanbag?'.

9 x out of 10 what she really wants is my attention.

We handled biting in a similar way. 'I wont let you bite me, it hurts. Let's find something you can bite!" She had a few baby teethers for a good long while, and eventually learned to say that she'd like to bite something.

It's a slow road creating non feral humans. Especially if like me you still want to encourage that wild spirit long term. But you'll get there!!!

17 months? No, you've got years to go yet before they listen and even then it's very selective.

She's only a toddler, she's pushing boundaries and selectively listening, doing things again because they get a reaction, its all very normal at this age and for a while yet. Distract her, redirect her, show het safe and acceptable ways to get the input she's after, like safe things to throw, praise good behaviour, remove her from the where her actions, like throwing nappies, are causing a problem. Don't expect no to be listened too right now, she will learn but she's only really little yet.

I think what you describe is pretty normal having recently been through that stage and reading up a bit on child development. I heard their behaviour described as 'ornery' which is often apt. Like to do whatever they aren't supposed to do. Like to disobey and get up to mischief.

The only way through it is, in my experience is to disract, redirect and crucially, get them out the house and busy as often as you can.

Playgroups and toddler sessions, swimming, soft play, garden with sand/water/mud, walks in the park/woods, playgrounds. Ball games. Doing jigsaws together. Reading books. Catching bubbles/balloons. Washing dolls.

Distract with toys they haven't seen in a while get them to help with something. Stand them in a helpers tower pouring lentils or playing with a play sink while you cook so they aren't ransacking the place.

Redirect them to things they can play with, that might stretch whatever itch they have. Like if they are emptying the bin, make them a bag or basket of little interesting things to go through instead, or let them empty then refill the laundry basket. The biting thing I haven't dealt with so no advice there, but too many dramatic noises and gestures may well entertain rather than perturb as you have found.

It gets better by about 2 I reckon, although they still run off when you want them to put their shoes on. Try and arrange to have dad in the house and just leave without them when that happens, that usually makes them fall into line the next time!

Thank you everyone. I probably do say no alot, I will try and make a conscious effort to say no in a different way !
We've got a newborn so I know a lot of her behaviour is also because of that, I'm trying to do all the right things, going to her first if they're both crying, showing her lots of attention etc but she don't understand at this age does she.
Also hitting baby is another thing, which I know she will grow out of (I hope)

I do try and distract, most the time it works but before I know it she's rediscovered the thing that I don't want her to do 😆 she's into everything, it's hard work !!
I need to find some toddler groups, I'm just worried she's going to maul the other children with this biting !

I feel like I've barely cuddled the baby as always dealing with dd at the moment.