Extremely clingy and stubborn 1 year old - help?!

[CheeseAlways]

My 16 month old is extremely clingy to me, always has been, but it seems so extreme and I don’t think it’s normal. For context I also have a 3 year old. My 1 year old needs to be touching me, sitting on me or being held by me 24/7 or it will be meltdown crying and screaming. The hysterics can go on for an hour if I don’t give in. I am feeling really down as feel like I probably caused this by holding her too much until now but I need serious help. It’s impacting my 3 yo’s behaviour and they’re constantly fighting for my attention.
do I need to literally go to stand off with her and not pick her up etc if she’s crying?!

Self soothing is usually the way to go. Distractions, anything that occupies them? I used to say too heavy to carry, or just settle in their buggy.

My daughter was exactly the same at that age; hysterical crying would ensue if I so much as put her down to get off of the toilet with the promise to immediately pick her back up again. It was utterly relentless and I too, questioned the normality of her extreme behaviour. I also had many comments from people as close as my partner believing I had caused such a strong dependency with the way in which I had chosen to parent.

She is now 22 months and will request to go to other people/have other people to accompany her to go somewhere at family gatherings, be seemingly fine about me leaving for a few hours and all those sorts of scenarios. Some situations still have to be me (e.g. bedtime) but things are drastically easier than before most of the time. And what satisfies me is that this has come about organically and on her own terms.

My personal belief, which I'm aware is not shared by everyone, is that the more you lean into her "insecurity" now, the quicker that will begin to pay off for the long run. I appreciate in the thick of it though, it feels never ending.

My DS is similar not to that level. But I did my own research and child specaliats all agree you can't spoil a child with love and being responsive. It isn't spoiling. If they need you they need you so it is not something you did. It is just her nature.

My DS is very sensitive and emotional. And I just reapond as he needs me..but I inderstand your prediciment with another child. I am also due a baby soon and worry about how to deal with this.
I know this isn't for everyone but have you thought about baby/toddler wearing? In my culture and many others in the world they will back carey older children so they have that closeness when they need it and can go when they request. It means you have your hands free. My DS loved it and was so happy when I used to back carry or front carry. Stopped now I am pregnant. But he loves to do that with his Dad still.

You could try call your HV for advise see if they can suggest anything or the GP if you have a decent one who specializes in children.

I will say it isn't anything you done so dont feel guilty. Most certainly her personality and tempremant. Forcing her away may cause trauma and stress and more separation anxitety.

When I first started taking DS to park / playgroups I had to get involved he wouldn't go off alone. Around age 22months he startes to branch off slowly. He is 28months old now and when we got to aoft play he happily goes off to play and tries to join in with the other children. But the first 6months of his life were very very intense he only wanted me and he had to be held by me.

Seperation anxiety is a normal developmental stage. It will pass.

It's okay to be clingy then, she is very small, you are her world. Just make her feel secure.

Thank you everyone. I do think I need to stop carrying her a lot and sounds like she will also grow out of it. I’m off the back of a long holiday away with both so am feeling extra exhausted by it!