Is it normal my 16 month old DD is so intense?

[Purple89]

I love my DD to bits but wow are the days hard with her. She has such moments of absolute joy, speaks loads, affectionate, but she requires constant attention. I literally can't do anything else when I'm with her otherwise she cries. Just some of the behaviours

• I can't leave the room unless the TV is on so she's distracted. This leaves me feeling trapped as she comes with me to the toilet to get a cup of tea everywhere. If I leave something in another room and need to go get it, it's a huge escapade to go get it and herd her back otherwise if I leave her it's full on screaming.
• She hates the baby gate in the lounge. We give her as much freedom as possible, have baby proofed as much as possible, but she obviously requires constant vigilance so I do need her to stay in my line of sight. If she hears something interesting in another room or simply decides she's bored of being in the lounge she stands and screams at the baby gate to come out. It's so draining.
• She has been teething and poorly which doesn't help, but she has full on screaming meltdowns over bizarre things. Today it was because she kept pulling her gloves off at the park but she wanted them on. My mum would put them back on her and she was happy but then she would pull them off and scream again - ad nauseum. My mum ended up carrying her back home as she refused to go in the pram.

Thankfully I work part time so I do have some time 'to myself' but I work from home a fair bit so I'm in the house when others (my mum, my DH) have her. So I do still hear it going on.

I feel like my mood is wholly subject to how she is that day. She's wonderful in many ways - so sociable, brilliant on play dates, great at soft play, enjoys the days she has at nursery.

Is this a phase? Are all toddlers like this? I feel weak for finding it so hard.

Sounds normal to me. There does come a day when you can go for a crap alone, so hang on in there .....

I should add although she has fun at nursery when she's there, she does still cry intensely at drop off, but I'm told it stops within a few minutes.

Thanks @Mischance I am glad it's normal. I find it so hard that it astonishes me that people have more than one child (as much as I love her).

I feel like your first two points may be related? Maybe let her have more freedom roaming and less gates and she won’t feel the need to follow you every time? Also if you’re trying to distract her so you can leave the room she might be shocked that you’ve gone and this might make it worse? Hope this doesn’t sound critical at all - just trying to think of things that might help.

I would say the last point only likely to get worse I’m afraid 😅

but yeah all v normal. Just remember one day they’ll be grown and we’ll wish they were trapped inside with us!

Yeah. Toddlers are absolute nuts to be honest. Some are harder work than others, but they pretty much all do the clingy/possessive thing (and then at random will decide they don't need you and just make a run for it when you're least expecting it).

They all have tantrums over random things. They don't know what they want. They just know that whatever they have it's not that. Until it is that.

They want independence (from the baby gate, car seat, buggy whatever) but at the same time woe betide should you not respond quickly enough to their, frankly wildly illogical, demands.

I'm on my third so I can now do a lot of ignoring, laughing at the madness, taking the path of least resistance and generally just trying to enjoy the bundle of craziness for what it is. But I remember with my first being bewildered and overwhelmed.

Ps. You said you get some time to yourself when you work. This is not time to yourself! And it is hard. Please try to plan some actual time away for yourself, even if it’s just a few hours, it makes it all so much easier when you’ve had a chance to miss them.

Thank you @ExcitingRicotta that is helpful and I think you may be right. It doesn't sound critical at all.

She's insatiably curious which is why I think she's so good at say soft play because there's no boundaries to what she can touch etc. I will give some more thought to more baby proofing but it is tough as we have say a cat that I wouldn't want her to just wander up and poke, the cats litter tray and food, stuff like that which she could just access any time if we removed the baby gate from the lounge. I do let her play in the kitchen when I'm there but she will literally find anything you wouldn't even realise was a hazard and somehow make it a hazard!

Thank you so much. 💓 your posts have been very helpful.

Thank you so much! Wow you are superwoman for doing this 3 times, I don't think I am strong enough! It's a relief to know this is normal (even though it's hard) as I don't see many women in real life who seem to have the same struggles as me.

we have say a cat that I wouldn't want her to just wander up and poke, the cats litter tray and food, stuff like that which she could just access any time if we removed the baby gate from the lounge

We put the all the cat stuff into a utility room and put the baby gate onto that door. So kids could access everywhere except that room and the cats had a safe space with all their things in there.

We also let the kids approach the cats and showed them how to behave. One cat doesn't like anyone except me so she scarpered into the safety of the utility room. The other cat loves the little ones and will be petted for a bit. He gets a bit overwhelmed and we remove the kids before he swipes.

All normal. Give her freedom. Teach her what's off limits eg cat litter etc. Toddlers are super hard work but if you put the hard work in now she will be lovely. I'm only just managing to go to the toilet alone and my daughter is 2.5!

Honestly everyone finds it tough going at times. Don't be hard on yourself. Pick your battles that actually matter (manners, safety issues) and don't fight against the other stuff too much.

turn the tv off. It makes them more whingey. We only had a stair gate everything else was toddler safe.
and just ignore and go out and do things as much as you can.

Yeah toddlers are crackers. She’ll grow up 😝

Toddlers are nuts

One of mine had a full on crying session because the grass was green and the sky was blue.