Toddler won’t let grandparent hold her new sister

[Ticktock88]

As above bit of an odd one and not sure how to resolve!

Since one month old baby sibling arrived, my toddler has been through not eating (resolved), not making it to the toilet on time after being potty trained for a long time (resolved), but does not seem to be able to get over one grandparent holding or picking up her new sibling.

I think this might stem from the fact this grandparent provided one to one childcare once a week, and perhaps toddler doesn’t want to share said grandparent? She doesn’t seem to mind others touching the baby but goes absolutely mad when her loving grandparent does! Cries until I take the baby.

Any thoughts on how to resolve? Doesn’t seem to be improving by itself like the other responses! Have tried ignoring, explaining etc

How old is the toddler?

Remove the toddler would be my strategy. With lots of "Nanny has enough love for both of you, just like mummy does" and "nanny wants to cuddle you and the baby" etc.

Ignore the crying. The toddler isn’t in charge of what granny does.

both you and granny always reply with stock statement such as

I love you first child, we all love second child too. Love grows, it’s doesn’t have to be shared and get smaller.

then make sure whilst child 2 is being held child 1 isn’t ignored. But don’t change your behaviour

I’d also get grandparent to be saying lots of things like “I love painting with you, Susan, you’re such a big girl. I can’t do painting with Jane, she’s too little”. Repeat for baking, swings, anything really!

Some helpful advice here thank you. Toddler just turned three, very chatty so has and understands a lot of vocab. Emotions just seem to be overriding!

Stop taking the baby off grandma, you're giving the wrong message. If grandma holds the baby and toddler cries, you take the toddler instead, either cuddle her or take her off to do something else (distraction). It's a confusing time for her to have a new sibling to contend with but it's important she learns that she is not in charge of what others do and that everyone loves both of them.

Make sure granny is on board with greeting toddler first, making a fuss over their colouring or whatever before she goes to the baby. And what @Mylobsterteapot said.

I'm sure it'll pass but it must be very confusing being three sometimes!

Thanks all some helpful things to try here. Main thing is being consistent

Does toddler go to nursery? TBH I think I would go with it when baby is so new - let grandma come and see the baby while toddler is otherwise engaged, and when toddler is around have grandma's attention on them. It's a phase and will pass.